Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Gator Thrilla In Manilla Winner To Face Voltron





In a bout that will no doubt go down in Gator Nation lore as the fight to end all fights, Gorgax Leakbow (#50 pictured above, aka Albert) squares off against Dinoah Donokim (#24 above, aka Albert) in the North American Giganto-Anthropormorphic Ultimate Fighting Championships this saturday night in Manilla Marsh. The bout was moved from Gator Nation so as neither Gigantgator could claim home swamp advantage.

Gorgax Leakbow comes into this bout hot off the heels of a thrashing of Brutus Troyeye in January and when asked about facing his friend, Gorgax said, "Fooball king. Gorgax king. Me like Dinoah. But fooball king. Gorgax king." However, Leakbow refused to comment on recent allegations that he mauled & hospitalized a German tourist & his Filipino ladyboy companion earlier this year which may cast clouds of controversy over this upcoming fight.

Dinoah Donokim, known for his extravagant behavior & dancing before, during & after fights was quoted as saying, "Hey! Gorgax ain't got nothing! We all the best, baby! It's just I'm a little better of the best, you know what I'm saying? Watch this.... (quirky, gangling dance) How you gonna compete with that? You can't! Gorgax's time is over! Dinoah on the block now, baby!"

Promoter of the fight Don King, who is never short of words, said of the fight, "Gator Nation is in elation with all the anticipation & prognostication of this fighting situation. There isn't a doubt that this will be their favorite bout and all Gators everywhere will come to scream & shout. Only in America!" Don King seemed unfazed & apathetic when reminded the fight wasn't in America.

With the winner of the highly anticipated match of both sides of Gator Nation to go on to face Voltron, the current Champion of the Universe responded, "Hey, I'm Voltron, Defender of the Universe. Not just Voltron. Get it right. I've faced all manner of robeasts in my day. In fact, I was facing off with & slaying robeasts back when Gorgax and Dinoah were in diapers back in the 80s. I'm fucking Voltron, Defender of the Universe, bitches. Of. The. Universe! Capice? Not just some piddly college town, not just some nation, or even a planet. The Universe. The whole damn thing that encompasses everything. Now get out of here before I break both of my lion feet off in your asses! I'm fucking Voltron, y'heard me?

He's fucking Voltron. Y'heard him?

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