More College Recruit Superstars!

As we head into the college foozball season, I give you another addition of College Recruit Superstars!:


LeQuandry Quagmire- Running Back
Hgt: 4'11" Wgt: 104
40 time: Unknown, but has beaten a rabid hyena before
Migrant Farm Workers Magnet School, Buffalo Broken Leg, Arizona

LeQuandry is one of those kids that's a rare specimen for his size that can play with the big boys, or big mammals for that matter. Was spotted out-running a hyena after saving his little brother (pictured in LeQuandry's arms, above) whom the hyena had snatched. Very versatile can play either running back or faster running back. Has an extra gear he can kick in when needed especially if food is involved. May need time to develop or learn to run in shoes.

When asked about whether he'd prefer to play right away or have a year to settle as a redshirt, LeQuandry offers this, "Le gulka click clack-click. Dirka jerka h'murka ikky ooga chop."



Cole McCool- Quarterback
Hgt: 6'3" Wgt: 200
40 time: 4.9, 4.6 if Bud is offered, 4.7 to punch his girlfriend.
Archbishop Wifebeater, Whiskey Run, Missisippi

Cole is a great prospect. One of the rare athletes to come out of Mississippi. Is both highly sought after by all SEC schools & federal law enforcement agencies. Set the MHSAA for passes attempted & girlfriends punched in a single season. Made a name for himself after running over an official in his '83 Camaro in the state SF loss to 2nd Coming Academy. Hoping to go to a school that has leather uniforms &/or the school that offers the most Budweiser.

"I ain't go no problem playin' with coloreds as long as they keep them hands off my Claretta, if that's what it takes to get me to the next level," Cole was quoted as sayin'. "Whatever it takes to get me that IROC with the spoiler & Def Leppard's full discography. That's where I think I'm ahead of most kids my age, especially them coloreds; I got plans, goals. You knowhatuImean?"




Jacob Johnson- Wide Receiver
Hgt: 5'4" Wgt: 120
40 time: Unknown, his mom drives him everywhere in a mini-van
Hugs & Love Dream Academy, Pillows, California

Jacob is definitely a work in progress. Not a lot is known about his ability as his mom has gotten him onto every team he's ever played on by sleeping with the coaches. Wears black shoes all the time & mumbles a lot. May have autism. Shy & slow to open up when pressed about going to college, Jacob offered, "I'm scared. Want mommy nipple." Has played flag football in the backyard with friends for years most of whom are also either disabled or just "not good."