(smooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooch) Thanks for that Kiss of Death Lou Holtz pep talk last night, Thlou Holth. What is it now? The last 4 teams you've pepped has lost? Speaking of pep, anybody remember Pep Strebeck from Dragnet? Undoubtedly an oft overlooked Tom Hanks role.
Maaaaaaan how boring was that FSU game last night? I shouldn't get too much on FSU's offensive case anymore b/c I've come to the conclusion, it's the ACC in general, that is just down right BORING. They all run the same offense it looks like to me- lead out of the I, read option, screen pass, play action jump ball, repeat. It's as boring as sitting through the full Latin mass as a kid. You know you're supposed to be there & something important is going on, but it never ends & it's excruciatingly boring. Anyhow, the ACC is BORING. One ring to rule them all, one ring to bind them & in the ACC make them BORING.
Week 6 Quick Review
Kentucky +3.5 vs. South Carolina
South Carolina 38, Kentucky 23
SU: Lost; ATS: Won
Auburn -7 over Vandy
Auburn 35, Vanderbilt 7
SU: Won; ATS: Won
LSU -9 over Florida
LSU 28, Florida 24 (Tebow, the Gainesville Kwisatz Haderach 21)
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
K-State -3 over Kansas
Kansas 30, K-State 24
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost; LOW: Lost
UAB +19 vs. Mississippi St.
Miss. St. 30, UAB 13
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Nebraska +7 vs. Mizzou
Mizzou 41, Nebraska 6
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Cincy +3.5 vs. Rutgers
Cincy 28, Rutgers 23
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Oklahoma St. +6.5 vs. Texas A&M
Texas A&M 24, Oklahoma St. 23
SU: Lost; ATS: Won
USC -39.5 over Stanford
Stanford 24, USC 23 (You've been Bootyfied, USC!)
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Notre Dame +20.5 vs. UCLA
Notre Dame 20, UCLA 6
SU: Lost; ATS: Wont
Weekly Record
SU: 4-6, .400
ATS: 5-5, .500
LOW: Won
Season Record
SU: 36-24, .600
ATS: 26-34, .433
LOW: 3-3, .500
For perspective on this year's season:
CFN.com staff writers' / contributors pick records:
Pete Fiutak- 37-23 SU, 32-28 ATS
Rich Cirminiello- 42-18 SU, 29-31 ATS
John Harris- 34-26 SU, 19-41 ATS
Matt Zemek- 41-19 SU, 33-27 ATS
CFN Msg Boards- 42-18, 28-32 ATS
WhatIfSports.com- 40-20, 27-33 ATS
Clucko the Chicken- 29-31 SU, 27-33 ATS
Hawaii -17.5 over San Jose St- Chaka, brah. Now dat dem haoles from SoCal lost, maybe da mainlanders come take a look at the Rainbow Warriors? Colt Brennan is good & all but I bet he can't strum a ukelele like Israel Kamakawiwo'ole! RIP, Braddah Iz. Hawaii 56, SJ State 31
Texas Tech -8 over Texas A&M- 2 games in a row I'm throwing my lot in with the zing pow aerial missile attack offenses. WR, Michael Crabtree is on pace to catch something like a bazillion passes, eleventy gamillion yards & about threeve dozen TD passes. It's simply stunning. And Franchione got busted for some secret $1200 a pop e-mail scheme to selected boosters. Can you say illegal gifts scheme? Bet on distraction this week! Texas Tech 41, Texas A&M 24
Oklahoma St. +4 vs. Nebraska- Hoooooooley moley has Nebraska fallen hard & fast. Like me around a cute brunette with a lilting voice & sparkly eyes.... sooooooooo pretty.... unlike Nebraska's offense these days. The Plains Coast offense ain't doin' much... fear the former Emperor Osborne, Callahan. The ghost of Turner Gill cometh for thee too... Oklahoma St. 31, Nebraska 28, Mike Gundy rants 3
Kansas -25 over Baylor- The rock band carries on to face the Baylor Bears. The Baptist Baylor Bears. Aaaah, that's some alluring alliteration. Or not. I think I was sleeping during that part in Mrs. Walker's English class. Anywho, something about Rock chalk, Jayhawk, growling bears & other references I can't come up with for this pick. Kansas 40, Baylor 13
Missouri +10.5 vs. Oklahoma- Jiminy Christmas! When did Mizzou get so damn good?! Although I have a bit of a gripe with Missouri. How the hell can you have TWO QBs named Chase? That's a dangerously high level of douchebaggery goin' on there. In fact I'm pretty sure it exceeds the EPA's douchebaggery level by 1. Not to mention there's another Chase that plays TE for them! Hey Chase, Arianna called & said the dry cleaners ruined your tennis sweater vest & that she won't be able to go pick up another one b/c there's a pedicure emergency at the women's country club. Oklahoma 27, Missouri 24
LSU -9 over Kentucky- Trap game, schmap game. Woodson ain't Tebow. In fact, he's not mobile. Which means feeding time for the D-Line after running that half-rush, DT spy scheme late last week. Dorsey still got him a meal of Tebow on 2 occasions. Unfortunately I missed the big one b/c..... ummmmm,I was unavoidably detained with a liquid expulsion emergency. Bluegrass Miracle, meet Bluegrass Thumping. LSU 30, Kentucky 17
Georgia -7 over Vandy- I dunno, Mark Richt does look an awful lot like Helen Hunt. And I'm sure he's just Mad About Matt Stafford. Get it? Lookin' at da stats, Stafford spreads the ball around very well as there is half a dozen guys who have caught 10+ passes or more. Too bad it looks like he doesn't pass around his food or the keg with the same vigor. B/c you know... he's portly. As in rotund. Not quite fat but give it a decade or two. Georgia 33, Vanderbilt 20
Miami (FL) -2.5 over Georgia Tech- I don't know why I'm even putting this game in the picks. I can't figure out the ACC for anything & they're boring as Hell anyway. Maybe I'm just hoping for Sebastian to drop another smoove Souljah Boy steppin' on me so I can go, "ohhhhhhhhh snap, go Sebastian! Go Sebastian! You an Ibis, it's your birfday, go Sebastian!" I bet dat bird snorts lines with Tony Montana. Say hel'o to ma little Ibis! Miami 23, Georgia Tech 20
Notre Dame +14 vs. Boston College- Hope I'm wrong but I tihnk Notre Dame has woken up a little... Or the Pope's tribute has finally reached the Vatican & the Illuminati operatives are finally in action. Wooooooooo, Catholicism Bowl! Go Catholics! Go Catholics! 2 bits, 4 bits, 6 bits, a dollar! All for the Catholics, Sit-Stand-Kneel & holler! Boston College 34, Notre Dame 31 (OT)
Illernoise -3 over Iowa- Aaaaaaah, saving [name redacted] for last. The Zook is on the cusp of taking over (or is it tainting?) the Big Teneleven. You can't see it just yet, but in about 6 years Illinois will be on probation. Book it. Jack Trudeau will weep his little Illini alumni eyes out. But regardless [name redacted] should start a rap group & dub it Illernoise b/c that's hip hop gold, Jerry. Wait, I mean platinum. B/c it's more valuable. Aw hell why stop at platinum, MC Zook & Illernoise may even floss paladium, even more valuable than platinum. Bah, where Drew Tate at? Illernoise 24, Iowa 19
No comments:
Post a Comment