After Dinner Mints, Week 5

Well, .500 in both SU & ATS this week which was incredibly interesting & kooky with all the upsets & top 10 team losses. I think I read 7 of the top 13 lost? That's caaaaaawazy!

USF +7 West Virginia
USF 21, West Virginia 13
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Look alive! USF is currently the best collegiate team in Florida! Whodathunkit?!

Arizona St. -14.5 over Stanford
Arizona St. 41, Stanford 3
SU: Won; ATS: Won; LOW: Won

Auburn +18 vs. Florida
Auburn 20, Florida 17
SU: Lost; ATS: Won

Bama +2.5 vs. FSU
Florida St. 21, Bama 14
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Two losses in a row for Savior Saban... Bwahahahahahaha. Tuscalosers!

LSU -40 over Tulane
LSU 34, Tulane 9
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
Sleepy time over! LSU absolutely slept walked through the Tulane game. I blame those hypnotic & awful pelican logos on those weird purple unis... Die White Helmets!

Louisville -8 over NC State
Louisville 29, NC State 10
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Stop the presses! Louisville's D held somebody under 20!!!!

Troy -12.5 over ULM
Troy 24, ULM 7
SU: Won; ATS: Won

Penn St. -3 over Illinois
Illinois 27, Penn St. 20
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK... I should've gone with my gut & picked the ZOOKster!

Oregon -4.5 over Cal
California 31, Oregon 24
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost

Clemson -3 over Georgia Tech
Georgia Tech 13, Clemson
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Geez, can't figure the ACC out!!!

Weekly Record
SU: 5-5, .500
ATS: 5-5, .500
LOW: Won

Season Record
SU: 32-18, .640
ATS: 21-29, .420
LOW: 3-2, .600

After Dinner Mints, Week 4

Another satisfied customer,
Tasty Nuggets must be tainted this year

Texas A&M +3 vs. Miami (FL)
Miami 34, Texs A&M 17 SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Holy schnikees I was wrong about A&M. Got no excuses other than I must've been really delusional!

Georgia +3 vs. Bama
Georgia 26, Bama 23 (OT) SU: Won; ATS: Lost
Last play loss in OT for Bama. Like I said Bammers, with Saban get used to this b/c Saban DOES have time for last minute losses.

Kentucky +6.5 vs. Arkansas
Kentucky 42, Arkansas 29 SU: Won; ATS: Won
Woo! Kentucky continuing to make me look sort of savvy, savvy?

Florida -21 over Ole Miss
Florida 30, Ole Miss 24 SU: Won; ATS: Lost; LOW: Lost
God dangit, Tebow, you might as well lost the game so I'd've felt better for dragging my ATS record down! Some savior!

Georgia Tech -3 over Virginia
Virginia 28, Georgia Tech 23 SU: Lost; ATS; Lost
Krikey! Is Reggie Ball back? Did he find another year of eligibility? I guess GaTech will flop this year. I thought they had a decent team working but 2 consecutive losses have stunk that up.

LSU -16.5 over South Carolina
LSU 28, South Carolina 16 SU: Won; ATS: Lost
A perfect example of a game where the score doesn't reflect the difference in the 2 teams. Yes, USCe had a shot to cut it to 21-14 with a dropped pick six but then again if we're going to play the "if" game, I could point out several plays LSU could've made which would've negated any USCe "if" plays... not to mention the penalty not called on the 3rd & 13 for the receiver not getting set before the snap when South Carolina broke off a 37 yd. gain on a pass to the back...

Notre Dame +13.5 vs. Michigan St.
Michigan St. 31, Notre Dame 14 SU: Won; ATS: Lost
Notre Dame is BAD. What else is there to say?

Michigan +2.5 vs. Penn St.
Michigan 14, Penn St. 9 SU: Won; Lost: Won
Best part about this win for Michigan? Herb Kirkstreit's Big 10 champ pick lost to the team that got beat by a I-AA. Plus, a bunch of PSU kids are boo-hooing over this. "O-ver-ra-ted?... " Ha! PSU fans cheering this after Michigan's loss to AppSt. were Pre-ma-ture clap-clap clap-clap-clap Pre-ma-ture clap-clap clap-clap-clap

USC -24.5 over Washington St.
USC 47, Washington St. 14 SU: Won; ATS: Won
Yawn.

Washington +5.5 vs. UCLA
UCLA 44-Washington 31 SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Yawn Pt. Deux

Weekly Record:
SU: 7-3
ATS: 3-7
LOW: 0-1

Season Record:
SU: 27-13, .675
ATS: 16-24, .400
LOW: 2-2, .500

After Dinner Mints, Week 3

Oh Snap, once again I gots bad taste in da mouf!

TCU -8 over Air Force
Air Force 20, TCU 17
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Damn you, Horny Toads! You iz losing me twice dis year! Frog legs be made out of ye I say to thou for thouest to understand? Gotz it?!

Arkansas +3.5 vs. Bama
Bama 41, Arkansas 38
SU: Lost; ATS: Win
Hoorayz for 1/2 pernts! Eat a d1ck, Sabanz!

Auburn -13 over Mississippi St.
Mississippi St. 19, Auburn 14
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Time for the truth- Cox sucks. Which is ironic since you would think Cox would be getting sucked. I told you don't fuck wit dem Owlz, WarBeagles. Woof.

Tennessee +7.5 vs. Florida
Florida 59, Tennesse 20
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
I hate Jebus' Co-Pilot, Trim Teblowz. He threw a pick & I saw it! Hahahahahaha!!!!

Colorado +4 vs. Florida St.
Florida St. 16, Colorado 6
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
In a true sign I'm getting to be a lush & older, I was too tired to stay up & watch this game. Hooray for sleep!

Middle Tennessee +42 vs. LSU
LSU 44, Middle Tennessee 0
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
Mmmmmmmm, I likez Kool-Aid! Move over, Tuberville, there's a new Riverboat Gambler in town, Ryan Perrilloux! Get it?

Kentucky +6.5 vs. Louisville
Kentucky 40, Louisville 34
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Yeah boy! SEC "crap" is still better than Mid-Major powers!

Michigan -7.5 over Notre Dame
Michigan 38, Notre Dame 0
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, Notre Dame is Le Suck. How do you say "sucks really bad" in Latin? Notre Dame, suckus maximus.

Texas -19 over UCF
Texas 35, UCF 32
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
Texas with no Vince Young or Limas Sweed = average... and prey to Mack Brown's buffoonery.

USC -10 over Nebraska
USC 49, Nebraska 31
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Yes, but it was the most astounding 31 pts. ever given up. I'm just saying, prevent defense or not, Nebraska overrated or not, USC still gave up 31 on the road when you can only dress 60. So either way, USC's top defensive players were playing when they gave up 31. Furthermore, why play prevent anymore if your defense is so good & the danger of 31 pts. being perceived wrong is out there? Just saying... LSU has only given up 7 pts. ALL SEASON & even those 7 pts. could be disputed in replay...

Weekly Record
SU: 6-4
ATS: 4-6
LOW: Won

Season Record
SU: 20-10, .667
ATS: 13-17, .433
LOW: 2-1, .667

After Dinner Mints Edition 2

Oh yoy yoy, bad week this week. Rotten nuggets. I think I'm the one who needs the mint this week. Although all that went on this past weekend, it was the kind of week I'm glad I was wrong in several instances!

Bama -4 at Vandy
Bama 24-10
SU: Won; ATS= Won
The Messiah got some Crimson stew simmahrin' in Tuscaloser. National Championship headlines on the printing press are already getting ready to be printed in some scary, delusional corners of Bammerland. Beware, Bammers like Paul Muad'Dib, The Kwisatz Haderach Nick Saban will foresake you one day & leave mysteriously.... Dune references! Old skewl dorkery, suckas!

Auburn -7 over USF
USF 26, Auburn 23 OT
SU: Loss; ATS= Loss
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah WarChickens got beat! And that's no Bull! Well, it was, actually, many of them. Cox played like he likes Cocks giving out his balls to Bulls all night long. I also enjoyed The Riverboat Gambler, Tommy Tuberville folding his cards in a show of wimpery there at the end of the 4th WITH timeouts in his pocket. Nice move, Tuberville. Give a team that's had trouble moving the ball all night long an automatic short field to work with. Awesome.

Boise State -3 over Washington
Washington 24, Boise St. 10
SU: Loss; ATS: Loss
Nice work, Smurfs. It's a bit different playing when winning is expected of you isn't it? Or was Dr. Z that big of an influence??

Troy St. +27 at Florida
Florida 59, Troy St. 31
SU: Won; ATS: Loss
1st narrow loss of the season. Poop. Gators picked up a lot of niggling injuries at the skill positions which makes this weekend's matchup with the Vols interestingly interesting in the interesting sort of way, interestingly enough.

Virginia Tech +13 at LSU
LSU 48, Virginia Tech 7 ZOINKS!
SU: Won; ATS: Loss
Dear God, I'm glad I was wrong on this one. Wrong by a 34 pt. margin, mind you. Holy crap I wish I could plagiarise this opening line for my own! Yeaaaaaaaah boy! VaTech got thumped & made to look 2nd rate. Especially the... um, well, actually the whole team.

Michigan -6 over Oregon
Oregon 39, Michigan 7
SU: Loss; ATS: Loss
Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap. Michigan... more words would only do harm. Now they face Notre Dame w/o Henne. Good luck with that.

TCU +9 vs. Texas
Texas 34, TCU 13
SU: Loss; ATS: Loss
Crap! If I watched ESPN I would've known that TCU was one of this week's "sexy" picks by everybody for an Upset Special. I didn't find out until Thursday evening after the Tasty Nuggets were sent out so I was stuck with the rest of the ooh-look-at-me-and-how-much-Im-smarter-than-everybody else schmucks in our losing losingness. Krikey.

UNLV +25 vs. Wisconsin
Wisconsin 20, UNLV 13
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Big Ten is weak. Ivan Drago will break them.

BYU +8.5 vs. UCLA
UCLA 27, BYU 17
SU: Won; ATS: Won
BYU almost came back to nip this one for me. They were down 20 early but then got distracted by the angel Moroni who sad unto them "Lo! Ye Mormons, beware of the Robbie Bosco Curse." But no one knew what that meant. In the confusion the Bruins put the ball past the goal line strip to accumulate the required points to cover the spread.

UAB +33.5 at Florida St.
FSU 34, UAB 24
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Somebody tell Bobby Bowden he won... barely. Then top off his tea & turn the light off since Bobbay git tired after practice & need a nap.

Week 2 Records
SU: 6-4
ATS: 3-7

Overall Records
SU: 14-6, .700
ATS: 9-11, .450

After Dinner Mints 1B

Clemson +3.5 vs. Florida St.
Clemson 24, Florida St. 18
SU= Won; ATS= Won
Yes, I need a mint after watching Drew Weatherford. Ew, tastes like caca. Jimbo Fisher proved that he is not an instant magic elixir to fix that utter shamockery that Florida St. calls "offense." [Insert offense = offensive cliche joke here] C.J. Spiller is wicked fast, we knew that but what was up with Clemson's playcalling near the end? Run the freaking ball & either burn clock and/or force FSU to burn timeouts.

So with the Labor Day Bowden Bowl wrapped up Chuckles the Angry Wolf finishes 8-2 SU, 6-4 ATS with the Week 1 Tasty Nuggets which as always were delicious...

After Dinner Mints 1A

Michigan will need a wicked mint to remove THAT taste

3 days into the College Foozball season & already we have an incredible upset, interesting stories & a heaping bowl of Big 10 Schadenfreude in I-AA Appalachian St. knocking off UPI #5 Michigan. Yes, a I-AA team knocked off the same school who was bitching & moaning about not getting a re-do to play the Ohio Shit in last year's BCS Game. Michigan... enjoy the karma & poetic justice, whilst I enjoy the schadenfreude soup of your situation.

LSU -17 over Moo State
LSU 45, Moo State 0
SU= Won; ATS= Won.
Henig... wow... how bad can a I-A QB be? Not that I was complaining Thursday night. Thanks for the sixer, Henig! LSU's offense "struggled" but at least they still points on the board unlike VaTech, Notre Dame & Auburn who all had pretty pedestrian offensive performances. LSU's defense is just freaking unbelievably good. Plus, they should be jacked up to for the showcase against VaTech next weekend (9:15 ET start time! Oy vey dassa lotta pre-game cocktail time!) & will no likely want to come out & put on a show to a national audience that they are the better defense. We shall see.

Troy +24 vs. Arkansas
Arkansas 46, Troy 26
SU=Won; ATS= Won
Hooooooooooooooooray for TDs with :02 left! Shame on you ESPN Ticker for giving my heart a flutter for about 5 minutes when you showed "Arkansas 46, Troy 20." Pppppppppppplllllllllllllllllllttttttttttttt.

Auburn -13.5 over K-State
Auburn 23, K-State 13
SU= Won; ATS= Lost
See, this is a game why sometimes you just go with history rather than who the players are or what's gone on in practice, spring, camp, classes, sororistute pre-game fellatio, etc. Auburn in recent years usually has a clunker in openers. Should've stuck to my guns on that since I usually take the points against Auburn in their opener. Auburn's offense looked downright average against K-State. Brandon Cox didn't look good at all. Tate looked slow & Auburn needed their stellar defense to snatch this one away from a K-State team that frankly, outplayed Auburn on the night.

Tennessee +6 vs. California
California 45, Tennessee 31
SU= Lost; ATS= Lost
Kirkstreit, idiot... listen to me. I know this is hard to fathom for you lead-footed Midwest types but I feel I have to drill into your head what we in the SEC mean when we talk about "SEC speed." On several occasions you tried to be funny & threw out barbs about "SEC speed" & "Pac-10 speed" when talking about DeSean Jackson & Javhid Best. When we form the SEC talk about "SEC speed" we're not talking about quasi-track stars or even legit track stars at skill positions. Everybody in the country has speed at the skill positions, just like everybody has fatsos on the line. But in the SEC, where the "SEC speed" comes in is having LBers that run like RBs, DEs that are as quick as RBs & D-Lineman who could probably play as 280 lb. LBers. THAT'S SEC Speed, Kirkstreit! Ass! With that said, Cal's skill players have TONs of speed & better still, a lot of elusiveness. They looked pretty good, Cal did, however they looked a bit gassed in the 3rd & early 4th & to be fair to Tennessee, UT's offense & special teams gave up the 14 points that were the difference in this one. Ainge played pretty well in spite of his hot & cold style AND broken pinky.

UTEP +3 vs. New Mexico
UTEP 10, New Mexico 6
SU= Won; ATS= Won
Hip Hip Hooray for quasi-shots in the dark!

Notre Dame -2.5 over Georgia Tech
Georgia Tech 33, Notre Dame 3
SU= Lost; ATS= Lost
I'm an idiot. I should've known. Give me the biggest I-Should've-Had-A-V8-Forehead Slap possible. I should've freaking known that without Reggie Ball to fuck things ups for the Jackets, they would've beaten the offensive genius known as Charlie Weis. Some genius. Notre Dame looked PATHETIC on offense. ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC. "waaaaah, we're young, waaaaaah we lost Brady Quinn, waaaaaaaaah." Notre Dame looked like a service academy that they steal 3 wins a year from. I haven't seen a Notre Dame team look that bad since I played LSU vs. Notre Dame on Junior Varsity level on NCAA 07 just to get the sick pleasure of thrashing Brodie Quinn & the Golden Homers. Notre Dame looked, as the KiDdIeZ would say "teh suck." Much pwnage & LULZ for GaTech yesterday.

Idaho +45.5 vs. USC
USC 38, Idaho 10
SU= Won; ATS= Won
Yeah USC packed it in early, but those are the sort of intangibles you have to think about sometimes when you roll them bones. A lot of linear thinking types probably lost some money on this one. I'm still waiting for a Booty implosion. Or did that apple fall farther from the tree than the other 2 Bootys?

East Carolina +27.5 vs. Virginia Tech
Virginia Tech 17, East Carolina 7
SU= Won; ATS= Won
I'm not old school enough to think that you have play without emotion or temper it completely. However, when you have a situation yesterday where there was as much emotion in Blacksburg yesterday, you can't let it be the only thing that drives you. Nor can you let it override your focus & concentration. It looked to me Virginia Tech thought they could just show up & the emotion & sentiment of the day would carry them through & forgot to play for the most part. Although part of that also has to do with Sean Glennon. That was the worst 22-for-33 performance I've ever seen. I was shocked to see he was 22-for-33 at the end of the day. The bulk of that had to be dumpoffs. Virginia Tech is one of those teams, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Different players, but every year- tough defense, great special teams & kick defense units that look like they'll block a kick every time an opponent lines up to punt or a kick a field goal or extra point. 1st one to double digits in LSU-VaTech wins next week, I think.

Oklahoma St. +6.5 vs. Georgia
Georgia 35, Oklahoma St. 14
SU= Won; ATS= Lost
Stafford either slimmed up some over the summer or he's a some new Victoria's Secret slimming flak jacket. He looked good last night. Uhhhh, I meant performance, yeah.


So, going into Labor Day's Bowden Bowl matchup I'm 7-2 SU, 5-4 ATS.