CHAMPEENS OF THE WORLD!

Shut up, Richard. Yes, I know it's been awhile... again.



Hooray for Lesticles!

Been Awhile...

Bosco, clean those cobwebs. Stiny, remove this tumbleweed... and get me a danish!

And a belated Merry Highlightmas to all!:

UNBELIEVABLE

Holy crap... LSU has done it. We've snuck into the BCS Title Game.

Thank you, Pitt. Thank you, Oklahoma. Thank you, Parity.

FEAR THE HAT, suckas:




Thanks, Les:

Saban Bowl I Goes To LSU

That funny taste in your mouth this week, Saban is... LESTICLES! Yeah boy! Penalty plagued & turnover riddle LSU defeated the Bear Bryant High Sabans on saturday 41-34 in yet another soon to be one for the ages games.



Neutral fans must like LSU games a ton with all the excitement & drama built into the games but we LSU fans are getting anxious with all this Aerosmith, Livin' On The Edge gameplay. But then again, we can't help ourselves at all, I guess. A wah ga ga gaooooowwww!!!

And here's my parting shot, Saban & Bama Nation, listen to the words carefully, Bammer:




Can't you see what you have wrought here?
Bloody battles will be fought here

May the mountains rise against you
May the forests block your path
May your axes chip and shatter
And know it is My Wrath
I would mount your heads on the bloody spears
Outside your palace gates
And watch as crows peck out your eyes
And your cities are laid to waste

Can't you see what you have wrought here?
A curse on you and all your kin
Bloody battles will be fought here
Await your doom at empire's end
May the wivers rush to drown you
Nay the earth swallow your hosts
May the winter's wolves surround you
And rip the life from your throats

Ok, so the song should be called Winter's Tigers! Everything can't be perfect, people!

Bluegrass Blues

Crap. No, seriously, Crap!

Sumb1tch.

LaFell, you've got to catch the ball with consistency, dude. Reggie Nelson is gone. Forget him. Catch the damn ball. Until you do our passing offense will sputter. Although to be fair, Flynn you have to throw better deep balls too. You had LaFell on that skinny post / go route & underthrew him. No excuses for that.

Could be worse.

LSU is still in line to be able to get to Atlanta & still has a decent shot at getting in the BCS title game. But the way CFB is going this year who knows what the hell'll happen.

Lesticles' post-game comments.

The Lighest D-I Player Of All???

WOW.

Even I was a sturdy 128 when I played at John Curtis!!!! 107??? 107??? They have radio stations that have bigger numbers albeit by fractions. Go get 'em, Anders!!!

Holy F Bombs, Batman

I had my turkey, where da cranberry sauce at?

LSU's offense answered the questions about them last night... by apparently punching the askers of those questions in the mouth. They beat the doubters with giant corn dog shaped clubs. 48 points & 598 yds. of offense on the other best defense in the country. Unfrickingbelievable.

I've never seen a Virgina Tech team "not want any." But on several occasion's VaTech's defense looked downright scared. All-American LBs Hall & Adibi looked like amateurs, which they are supposed to be but they look amateurish in that small town half-ass community theater sort of way.

Sean Glennon... oof... let's just say "he ain't good."

Now there'll probably be a portion of haters & dufii out there that will inevitably have cries of "Virginia Tech was way overrated" to downplay LSU's performance but that list of "Team X is 'overrated,' " is growing mightily by the day (Michigan, Notre Dame, Texas, Auburn, Hawai'i, etc.), so at some point somebody overrated has to be misrated or they just put in a bad performance (Texas, week 1?).

Lots of delicious schadenfreude to go around on Saturday- Bama's punt returner hot-dogging allowing the Vandy guy to push him out at the 1, Auburn losing to USF in OT (Hey, WarChickens, if Auburn would've won would y'all have blamed USF's kicker for missing 4 FGs like when y'all boo-hooed over Vaughn missing 5 3 yrs. ago vs. LSU? Waaaaaaaaah), Da U getting Da Shit beat out Dem by OU & VaTech's vaunted defense made to look like Polish World War II cavalry versus Panzers.

The Big Ten continues to look majorly weak this year, Michigan looks like they've already quit on the year, Ohio St. only beat their powder puff by 18, Wisconsin struggled out in Vegas & Notre Dame looked downright pathetic again against Penn St. Yes, I know Notre Dame isn't in the Big Teneleven but they should be so I could then call it the Big Tentwelve. Or Big 12-2, Big 12B, Big 10(12), etc.

Next up for Da Tigaaaaaaahs, Middle Tennessee St. & let down alerts. While I don't expect them to lose against Middle Tennessee obviously, now is not the time for LSU to start basking in
their limelight or results, so strap it on, back to business on monday & let's end up treating Middle Tennessee like the I-A bottom of the barrel fungus they are!

P.S. Also really enjoyed the Ryan Perillucks Tim Tebow fake run pass for a TD. Ohhhhh snap we gots our Tim Tebow in Da House.

P.S.S. For a crappy running back, The White Rhino, Jacob Hester, is the fricking man.

Saturday Night Forecast For Virginia Tech: Blood And Thunder

LSU's Defense is bringing Blood & Thunder to wreak havoc on Sean Glennon!



This ivory leg is what propels me
Harpoons thrust in the sky
Aim directly for his crooked brow
And look him straight in the eye

Obviously what happened at Virginia Tech in the spring is a tragedy but there'll be No Remorse for Virginia Tech on Saturday night in Tiger Stadium!



No mercy for what we're doing
No thought to even what we've done
We don't need to feel the sorrow
No remorse for the helpless one

After Dinner Mints 1A

Michigan will need a wicked mint to remove THAT taste

3 days into the College Foozball season & already we have an incredible upset, interesting stories & a heaping bowl of Big 10 Schadenfreude in I-AA Appalachian St. knocking off UPI #5 Michigan. Yes, a I-AA team knocked off the same school who was bitching & moaning about not getting a re-do to play the Ohio Shit in last year's BCS Game. Michigan... enjoy the karma & poetic justice, whilst I enjoy the schadenfreude soup of your situation.

LSU -17 over Moo State
LSU 45, Moo State 0
SU= Won; ATS= Won.
Henig... wow... how bad can a I-A QB be? Not that I was complaining Thursday night. Thanks for the sixer, Henig! LSU's offense "struggled" but at least they still points on the board unlike VaTech, Notre Dame & Auburn who all had pretty pedestrian offensive performances. LSU's defense is just freaking unbelievably good. Plus, they should be jacked up to for the showcase against VaTech next weekend (9:15 ET start time! Oy vey dassa lotta pre-game cocktail time!) & will no likely want to come out & put on a show to a national audience that they are the better defense. We shall see.

Troy +24 vs. Arkansas
Arkansas 46, Troy 26
SU=Won; ATS= Won
Hooooooooooooooooray for TDs with :02 left! Shame on you ESPN Ticker for giving my heart a flutter for about 5 minutes when you showed "Arkansas 46, Troy 20." Pppppppppppplllllllllllllllllllttttttttttttt.

Auburn -13.5 over K-State
Auburn 23, K-State 13
SU= Won; ATS= Lost
See, this is a game why sometimes you just go with history rather than who the players are or what's gone on in practice, spring, camp, classes, sororistute pre-game fellatio, etc. Auburn in recent years usually has a clunker in openers. Should've stuck to my guns on that since I usually take the points against Auburn in their opener. Auburn's offense looked downright average against K-State. Brandon Cox didn't look good at all. Tate looked slow & Auburn needed their stellar defense to snatch this one away from a K-State team that frankly, outplayed Auburn on the night.

Tennessee +6 vs. California
California 45, Tennessee 31
SU= Lost; ATS= Lost
Kirkstreit, idiot... listen to me. I know this is hard to fathom for you lead-footed Midwest types but I feel I have to drill into your head what we in the SEC mean when we talk about "SEC speed." On several occasions you tried to be funny & threw out barbs about "SEC speed" & "Pac-10 speed" when talking about DeSean Jackson & Javhid Best. When we form the SEC talk about "SEC speed" we're not talking about quasi-track stars or even legit track stars at skill positions. Everybody in the country has speed at the skill positions, just like everybody has fatsos on the line. But in the SEC, where the "SEC speed" comes in is having LBers that run like RBs, DEs that are as quick as RBs & D-Lineman who could probably play as 280 lb. LBers. THAT'S SEC Speed, Kirkstreit! Ass! With that said, Cal's skill players have TONs of speed & better still, a lot of elusiveness. They looked pretty good, Cal did, however they looked a bit gassed in the 3rd & early 4th & to be fair to Tennessee, UT's offense & special teams gave up the 14 points that were the difference in this one. Ainge played pretty well in spite of his hot & cold style AND broken pinky.

UTEP +3 vs. New Mexico
UTEP 10, New Mexico 6
SU= Won; ATS= Won
Hip Hip Hooray for quasi-shots in the dark!

Notre Dame -2.5 over Georgia Tech
Georgia Tech 33, Notre Dame 3
SU= Lost; ATS= Lost
I'm an idiot. I should've known. Give me the biggest I-Should've-Had-A-V8-Forehead Slap possible. I should've freaking known that without Reggie Ball to fuck things ups for the Jackets, they would've beaten the offensive genius known as Charlie Weis. Some genius. Notre Dame looked PATHETIC on offense. ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC. "waaaaah, we're young, waaaaaah we lost Brady Quinn, waaaaaaaaah." Notre Dame looked like a service academy that they steal 3 wins a year from. I haven't seen a Notre Dame team look that bad since I played LSU vs. Notre Dame on Junior Varsity level on NCAA 07 just to get the sick pleasure of thrashing Brodie Quinn & the Golden Homers. Notre Dame looked, as the KiDdIeZ would say "teh suck." Much pwnage & LULZ for GaTech yesterday.

Idaho +45.5 vs. USC
USC 38, Idaho 10
SU= Won; ATS= Won
Yeah USC packed it in early, but those are the sort of intangibles you have to think about sometimes when you roll them bones. A lot of linear thinking types probably lost some money on this one. I'm still waiting for a Booty implosion. Or did that apple fall farther from the tree than the other 2 Bootys?

East Carolina +27.5 vs. Virginia Tech
Virginia Tech 17, East Carolina 7
SU= Won; ATS= Won
I'm not old school enough to think that you have play without emotion or temper it completely. However, when you have a situation yesterday where there was as much emotion in Blacksburg yesterday, you can't let it be the only thing that drives you. Nor can you let it override your focus & concentration. It looked to me Virginia Tech thought they could just show up & the emotion & sentiment of the day would carry them through & forgot to play for the most part. Although part of that also has to do with Sean Glennon. That was the worst 22-for-33 performance I've ever seen. I was shocked to see he was 22-for-33 at the end of the day. The bulk of that had to be dumpoffs. Virginia Tech is one of those teams, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Different players, but every year- tough defense, great special teams & kick defense units that look like they'll block a kick every time an opponent lines up to punt or a kick a field goal or extra point. 1st one to double digits in LSU-VaTech wins next week, I think.

Oklahoma St. +6.5 vs. Georgia
Georgia 35, Oklahoma St. 14
SU= Won; ATS= Lost
Stafford either slimmed up some over the summer or he's a some new Victoria's Secret slimming flak jacket. He looked good last night. Uhhhh, I meant performance, yeah.


So, going into Labor Day's Bowden Bowl matchup I'm 7-2 SU, 5-4 ATS.

LSU Gets 6 Oskies, Sink Slytanic

Brandon LaFell got da hitz that'll snap yo neck

LSU led by a dominating D pounded Moo State last night in the rain, 45-0. Led by a defense that got 6 turnovers thanks to continually inept Moo St. QB, Mark Henig & helped along aby a subpar offense, the Tigahs capitalized on all Mississippi St. mistakes to the tune of said 45 pts.

Now, I know a lot of Purple & Gold Tiger Nation will be boo-hooing over the lack of offense shown but we also have to remember that Moo State's defense is a pretty decent bunch unlike they're offense. A lot of people are talking about Henig's 6 INTs as gifts but come on, even if he only throws, say 2 INTs which would've been expected against the caliber of defense of LSU, instead of 45-0, perhaps LSU "only " wins 34-0 or 31-0.

To me, to think that somehow the scoreline is overinflated b/c of 6 turnovers is either disingenuous or just plain "hating," as the KiDdIeZ would say. But it always amuses me, when you play a crap team, then beat them like the crap they are, that everybody starts chiming in with "oh but you didn't play a good team," but if you were to struggle to beat said crap team then the same "experts" would still pooh-pooh yoou saying that you aren't that good b/c you didn't beat the crap out of the crap team. Can't win either way...

I'll be the 1st to admit, Flynn wasn't at all impressive (unless comparing to Henig), the running game look pedestrian & the OL looked iffy. Early Doucet was the only offensive player I could say I was impressed or was pleased or better with his performance.

The defense was outstanding, especially the secondary & the line. Yes, Henig sucks, but god damnit, the DBs still have to be in the right spots to pick off passes, errant or otherwise. Steltz came up with an oskie hat-trick.

Anyway, supposedly there's some rumors about LSU only running some basic, vanilla offense against Moo State while saving the super secret double probation plays for their upcoming slugfest with Virginia Tech. Who knows? Anywho, all pts. no matter how begotten in that matchup nextweek, will be at an utter premium. 1st one to double digits may win that one.

LSU vs. Mississippi St., i.e. Foozball Eve Or Tasty Nuggets, Episode 1A

No more cowbell!

No matter what the SNL skit said, remember it was satire, you don't need more cowbell! Nay, in fact, I satirically suggest that cowbells are a subtle symbol of racism. How so? Pay attention. Cowbells are worn by cows who are generally owned by farmers or people in the dairy industry, correct? Farmers usually grow things such as cotton. Cotton was picked by blacks in the SOuth during slavery, ergo according to the Law of Roundabout Assertion, cowbells are racist b/c they are used by farmers who some of which owned slaves.

Also from the dairy industry, milk is white, which is obviously produced to be white to subtly remind us that white people are better than everybody else & that only through white people can people get strong & healthy bones. Just look at the fact that most black & white cows are generally viewed as white cows with black spot rather than black cows white white spots thus proving people's disposition to want to prop up white people over everybody else, especially blacks since it's a white cow with black marks, implying that white cow is the base or the pure.

Milk, it does a racist's body good...

So there you go, you root for Mississippi St. you're obviously a racist & why you should pull for LSU in this one. Geaux Tigers.

LSU 31, Mississippi St. 13

RIP, Mike V

Forgot to give a shout out to LSU mascot Mike V, after he passed away on friday. He's no doubt already terrorizing lesser mammals & mascots in the habitat in the sky...

Selfishly, we (LSU) now have our motivation for this year's inaugural Saban Bowl against Bama- "Win it for Mike V!"

Man, that's a handsome kitty!

Bradyball Sucks Balls Again

LSU lost to Mississippi St. yesterday afternoon, 78-85. It's a good thing I don't pay much attention to LSU basketball otherwise I'd be pissed. John Brady... you're garbage.