Tasty Nuggets, Week 11

Arizona St. -6 at UCLA- This games depends on if UCLA Jekyll or UCLA Hyde shows up. If it's Jekyll, ASU wins, if it's Hyde, UCLA wins... wait. Or is it the other way around? Ahhhh who knows, it's like trying to tell the Olson twins apart. Meaning trying to figure out which one has anorexia & which one has bulimia. Arizona St. 31, UCLA 24

Georgia -1 vs. Auburn- Ooooooh this became really intriguing with the Tuberville to College Station rumor with the Aggies gettind rid of Franchione. Hey, maybe Saban will bolt Tuscaloser for College Station a la Franchione? How awesome would that be? Where was I? Oh yes, Reign In Blood on the new Guitar Hero 3 is the shiznit. Georgia 28, Auburn 23

Kansas -5 at Oklahoma St.- This just in, Kansas just scored again against Nebraska. Sell all your property! Notre Dame is 1-8 & Nebraska gave up 76! The Apocalyspe is nigh! If anybody remembers the original Bill Walsh College Football on Super Nintendo, that Kansas team from 91 or 92 or whatever was a tricky little team to beat. That running back they had on there was pretty sneaky. Paper rock scissors chalk Jayhawk! Kansas 38, Oklahoma St. 28

Kentucky -3 at Vanderbilt- Kentucky lost to Gardner-Webb last night! Why they're playing foosball twice in a week is beyond me! 'Cept last night they played this funny lookin' 5-a-side indoor foosball with tiny goal posts. And no end zones! It was caaaaaaaarazy. Andrew Woodson didn't even play! No wonder they lost! Kentucky 31, Vanderbilt 24

LSU -36 over La. Tech- Da Tiiiiiiigaaaaahs go from beating Saban to beating a Saban acolyte in Derek Dooley who is quite the douchey. Hooray for Idiot Savants! This week I'd like to see The Hat run a double guard around reverse where both guards hand it to each other than flip it back to Flynn who pirouettes, does a triple axel & a salkow then flips it to Trindon Holliday who scores two on a drop kick from their own 18 yd. line.... on 2nd & 35. Now, that's crazy! Now gimme some, caaaaandaaaay. Damn, Halloween's over. LSU 48, La. Tech 10

Illernoise +15 at The Ohio St.- The Zook takes The Illini into The Horshoe to face The Ohio St. University. Not that one, but that one. No, That one. Yes, That one. The Tressel has The Buckeyes in The #1 spot. It looks like The Buckeyes will be playing in The BCS Title game in The New Orleans. The Zook is The Annoyance enough to cause The Buckeyes just enough of The Headache to almost pull off The Upset. The Ohio St. The 30, The Illinois The 24

Texas Tech +6.5 at Texas- Dad nabbit, I'm picking Texas to get upset until it actually happens! If Notre Dame is 1 & 13456 this year, why not? Just throw it Crabtree, Red Raiders! I didn't even know crabs grew in trees! I thought crabs came from STDs! D'oh! Texas Tech 35, Texas 34

Florida St. +6.5 at Virginia Tech- Jimbo & Papa Bowden last week took down BC, this week it might be VT, they play so fly all the kidz do that "you can't see me" hand gesture across the face. Which I'm doing right now, which means you can't see me. See, and for about 2 months I thought all these dudez were just doing PSAs on the importance off washing your face in the War Against Acne. Why not a War Against Acne? We've already fighting unwinnable wars on Poverty, Drugs, Terrorism & Climate Change. Virginia Tech 20, Florida St. 17

Arkansas Pick at Tennessee- I'm picking Humanity Advanced over Humanity Inbred. Does that make me a Nutt? Goo goo goo. The Vols are shockingly giving up 400+ ttl. yds. a game on defense. In fact, they're giving up more yds. than they're gaining this season. Arkansas should just completely forsake the forward pass, line up in the Single Wing or The Flying V, the football formation not the überawesome Gibson guitar model, & just run it with Humanity Advanced & Felix The Cat. No, not the Potvin Felix The Cat. Just get all 1920 on that Vol azz, Razorbacks! Run, run, run!!! Arkansas 28, Tennessee 27

Syracuse +16 vs. USF- Hey Cinderella, it's 12:18, time's up, skank. What's that, 3 in a row now? South Florida like all One Hit Wonders has gone the way of all the Kajagoogoos, Falcos, Cutting Crews, Chumbawumbas & Nenas before them, they burn out & fade away in a supernova of brilliant almost greatness & are then left to smolder in the embers of cult hero dwarf star status. And that's no bull. Get it? Orange you glad I made that joke? Do you know the brain power it took to pull a Cutting Crew reference from the depths of the memories?? Jim Nabors should've been in Kajagoogoo BTW, then they would've been called Kajagoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoo USF 28, Syracuse 16