Welcome to Week 12 of the Tasty Nuggets, now longer & more annoying than ever!... On to the new state of America. The Home Run King of Baseball, probably the single most hallowed sports record in the land in a sport that is the National Pastime… gets indicted & is facing up to 30 yrs. in the slammer. Looks like Barry will be playing in pinstripes next year! Ba doomp pssh. But what an indictment, pardon the pun, of the current American society. So fitting to me. We worship celebrities like movie stars who aren’t even college educated & who do nothing but pretend to be other people for a living but somehow are to be trusted on pressing topics such as politics & climate change. And now, Barry Bonds b/c of his own drive & selfish desire to be the Home Run king is going to be taken down by the Feds. Barry, one thing you never, EVER do. You don’t tell the government to come after you, even if you were innocent, they’ll find something. If King Bush hated black people enough that he created a weather machine to make a hurricane powerful enough to drown New Orleans, why would he not send the Justice Department Gestapo to take down the Home Run King to save Babe Ruth’s legacy? Oppression at $20 million a year? Where do I sign up for it? Must be diamond coated shackles… (tongue removed from cheek)
Mmmmmmm left over sarcasm from lunch, with a side of satire. Yum!
Week 11 Quick Review
Arizona St. -6 over UCLA
Arizona St. 24, UCLA 20
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
Georgia -1 over Auburn
Georgia 45, Auburn 20
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Kansas -5 over Oklahoma St.
Kansas 43, Oklahoma St. 28
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Kentucky -3 at Vanderbilt
Kentucky 27, Vanderbilt 20
SU: Won; ATS: Won; LOW: Won
LSU -36 over La. Tech
LSU 58, La. Tech 10
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Illernoise +5 at Ohio St.
Illernoise 28, Ohio St. 21
SU: Lost; ATS: Won
Texas Tech +6.5 vs. Texas
Texas 59, Texas Tech 43
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Florida St. +6.5 at Virginia Tech
Virginia Tech 40, Florida St. 21
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
Arkansas pick over Tennessee
Tennessee 34, Arkansas 13
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Syracuse +16 vs. USF
USF 41, Syracuse 10
SU: Won ATS: Lost
Home Double Digit Underdogs
1. Army +19 vs. Rutgers, Lost
2. Utah St. +24 vs. Boise St., Lost
3. Duke +13.5 vs. Georgia Tech, Lost
4. North Texas +15 vs. Navy, Won
5. Temple +24 vs. Penn St, Lost
6. Syracuse +16 vs. USF, Lost
7. UAB +21 vs. UCF, Won
Weekly Record
SU: 7-3, .700
ATS: 5-5, .500
LOW: Win
Season Record
SU: 73-37, .664
ATS: 54-56, .491
LOW: 6-5, .545
HDDU: 2-5, .286 (HDD= Home Double-Digit Underdogs)
Mississipi St. +11 vs. Arkansas- Out from under the radar & onto the Nuggetdar. Get it? Will Nutt get Croominated? Mississippi St. is bowl eligible for the 1st time since Calvin Coolidge was President. Not really but with Americans’ understanding of even American history most people would probably believe that anyway. Did anybody see the bi-plane flyover at the Mississippi St.-Arkansas game? Who even knew that planes had any sexual preference at all must less preferring to be bi. Is that like the former Princess of Wales, Lady Bi? Does the Croomroller rolls on crushing all in it’s path with it’s newly found Auburn way of winning games by scoring points without actually scoring points? Arkansas 24, Mississippi St. 15
Georgia -8 vs. Kentucky- Helen Hunt has gone from the girl next door to the local Jezebel. Mark Richt has gone all loopy & gotten down with sickness. The Sickness being trash-taking & emotional… OOA WAH AH AH AH! Kentucky finally woke up, realized basketball season was nigh & promptly started playing like, well, Kentucky. Willie Wildcat went out one morning to grab the morning paper. Attached to it was a note. It read, “Know Your Role, Kentucky. Sincerely, the rest of the SEC.” Willie then got all sad & went back inside & ate some mediocre lumpy grits. Georgia 35, Kentucky 24
Northwestern +13.5 at Illernoise- The Shot Your Wad Game. I guarantee Illernoise will have somewhat of a letdown after knocking of The Buckeyes. Northwestern which is ironically located in the Midwest, I now hardly anything about this year. Which is a perfect reason to include them in the picks. Tressel got ZOOKED. Did he think they were playing Florida again? Illernoise 27, Northwestern 21
LSU -18 at Ole Miss- Yeah, yeah, yeah, 2007 year of the Upset & all that other “weird” stuff that goes on. But come on, Ole Miss, we’re digging up[ Billy Cannon for this game. We’re gonna run run run right into embezzlement & racketeering charges. Times are a-changin’ With Bobby Jihad about to be governor, things are about to be some bon temps in Louisiana… hopefully… at least until Edwin Edwards is sprung from prison to become governor again. Put in Brent Schaeffaw, Coach O! That’d be a guaranteed cover. I mean covaw. Hyawhyawhyaw, fooball. Beat dat Orgeron & learn him why he shoulda never left the Bayou! LSU 34, Ole Miss 14
Notre Dame -5 over Duke- Charlie Cheesburger leads his forces to face perennial ACC doormats, Duke! Cheeburger cheeburger! Notre Dame sealed it’s fate when it sold its’ soul to NBC in the exclusive network deal. God has turned his back in on them ever since. Some story about Jesus getting all non-anger management & knocking over merchants’ tables in the Temple comes to mind. Hey, if forsaking anger management is godo enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me! No word, though if Notre Dame is going to level charges of rape & sexual assault against the Duke lacrosse team for groping Charlie Cheesburger’s foopa. Notre Dame 24, Duke 17
Wisconsin -13.5 at Minnesota- Who really cares here? Make your own stereotypes about cheese, gophers, Minnehaha & Lou Holth once coaching there & let’s move on. Nobody watches Canadian football anyway. Wisconsin 31, Minnesota 10
Memphis -11.5 over UAB- Smaller school special. A school in a city named after a ciy in Egypt faces a school with an abbreviation that looks like an English translation of ancient Sumerian. In fact, I have it on good authority from Zechariah Sitchin that “UAB” in Sumerian means “one who beats Saban.” No wonder! So, Zechariah, will Bama win a national title before the Annunaki return & re-enslave the human race? What will we mine this time? Memphis 30, UAB 16
USM -3 over UTEP- More abbreviation or acronym fantasticness! UTEP are the Miners. Remember having sex with a miner is against the law. As is giving alcohol to miners. People are considered miners until they’re 18 or for alcohol sales 21 & in some areas sexual goods & products 21 as well. Luckily, people, or teams, from Mississippi don’t have to worry about this b/c they only poke their relatives. B/c as you know, it’s all relative. USM 27, UTEP 23
Louisiana-Monroe +25 at Bama- That’s right! It’s the UAB beats Saban Sequel! Saban Slouches 2: ULM, the Suckness. The grumblings in Tuscaloser are already starting that Saban may not live up to his Saviorness of the 2nd Coming of The Bear. Calvin from Green Hill already thinks Saban should’ve had 2 national titles for Bama by October. One things for sure though, John Parker Wilson is “teh svckness.” And he’s so aggravating b/c he obviously thinks he’s “teh hawtness.” Bama 41, ULM 17
Ohio St. -4 at Michigan- OMG! Buckeyes got ZOOKED. Like, wow. Like does Henne have the Hart to play through injury this week or will Mallett build himself a Mannigham to house himself against the Buckeyes D? That last one was an extreme stretch. It’sd so bad I’ll explain. I was trying to go for that song about “Build me a Birmingham.” Ok, ok, Will Lloyd get into his Carr after the game & drive off into the sunset of retirement causing Les to travel the Miles from Baton Rouge to Ann Arbor? Or will Michigan pluck Jim Harbaugh from Pac-10 exile & make him the new coach. Or will Lloyd get all JoePa in that Carr & run over his detractors into an upset win & another year of 9-2??? Ohio St. 27, Michigan 20
Home Double Digit Underdogs!
Arizona +11 vs. Oregon (WON!)
BYU +10 vs. Wyoming
Ole Miss +18 vs. LSU
Baylor +14 vs. Oklahoma St.
Army +15.5 vs. Tulsa
SMU +12.5 vs. UCF
Minnehaha +13.5 vs. Wisconsin
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