Showing posts with label Hockey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hockey. Show all posts

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sports Round-Up Of My Teamses

Rangers lost 5-3 to Atlanta Thursday night. Looked really sketchy until late when they scored a couple of garbage time goals. All 3 goals came via the powerplay in the 3rd period by Girardi, Shanahan & Gomez, respectively.

Rangers lost in a shootout to the Bruins on saturday after a 0-0 game. Does King Henrik get a shutout for a 1-0 shutout loss?? B/c the shootout goal is not an offical goal scored I believe that is a shutout... shutout with a "loss." Strange days indeed! Most peculiar, momma.

Next up for the Rangers, Sindey Crosby, the Prince of Wails, & his Pirates of Pittsburgh on Tuesday. With Bettman's princess on display bet on pro-Penguin refereeing! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!


* * * * * * * * * *

Arsenal shutout Bolton 2-0 on saturday. Goals came from Kolo Toure & substitute Tomas Rosicky. Didn't see the game only heard bits & pieces of the last 20 minutes or so but it sounded like Arsenal dominated after the hour mark.

Arsenal's next match is their home Champions' League match against Slavia Prague of the Czech Republic. With Arsenal being at home they'll no doubt be expected to bag all 3 pts.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Rangers Play Atlanta Tonight

All the ladies can find me at Mother's tonight watching college foozball & Rangers' hockey. On dat HD tv. Boy, dat's fancy stuff dat HD is. So clear. Like clarity.

Rangers have gotten off to a so-so start with their record being 2-3 after 5 games. Curiously it's been their offense that's struggled a bit early in the season with the defense & specifically King Henrik Lundqvist playing well only allowing more than 2 goals once, 3 in a loss to Ottawa in their last game.

Hopefully the 4 day break will give the Rangers plenty of jump in tongiht's game & time to have gained some more cohesiveness on offense. Let's Go Rangers!

NHL action! It's puckin' awesome!

* * * * * * * * * *

On football world soccer variety, the Unied States beat Switzerland yesterday 1-nil in a friendly. Michale Bradley, son of head coach Bob Bradley, scored the winner late in the game after some good work down the right side & keeping the initial clearance in by Maurice Edu.

Overall the United States played ok & the rain on the fast pitch didn't really allow either team to get into a groove for any extended portion of the game.

It was the 1st time the US has won on European soil since the fall of the Holy Roman Empire or something.

There was almost a brewhaha before halftime with Oguchi Onyewu & Marco Streller of Switzerland with a little push & a fall & a lot of hands out in the "what I do?" gestures.

Freddy Adu also came on as a late substitute for only his 2nd cap. Danny Szetela made his international debut as well.

-- U.S. Men’s National Team Game Report --
Match-up: USA vs. Switzerland
Date: October 17, 2007
Competition: International Friendly
Venue: St. Jakob Park – Basel, Switzerland
Kickoff: 2:30 p.m. ET
Attendance: 16,500
Weather: 64 degrees; rain

Scoring Summary: 1 2 F
USA 0 1 1
SUI 0 0 0

Scoring:
USA – Michael Bradley (Clint Dempsey) 86th minute

Lineups:
USA: 24-Marcus Hahnemann (18-Brad Guzan, 46); 6-Steve Cherundolo, 22-Oguchi Onyewu (2-Dan Califf, 46), 3-Carlos Bocanegra (Capt.), 7-Eddie Lewis (9-Danny Szetela, 84); 5-Benny Feilhaber, 13-Maurice Edu, 4-Michael Bradley,17-DaMarcus Beasley (11-Heath Pearce, 31); 20-Taylor Twellman (25-Freddy Adu, 77), 8-Clint Dempsey (29-Robbie Findley, 90)
Subs not used: 23-Jay DeMerit
Head Coach: Bob Bradley

SUI: 1-Pascal Zuberbühler; 2-Johan Djourou (25-Steve Von Bergen, 17), 3-Ludovic Magnin (Capt.), 5-Xavier Margairaz (22-Hakan Yakin, 46); 11-Marco Streller (31-Blaise Nkufo, 46), 13-Stephane Grichting, 14-David Degen, 16-Tranquillo Barnetta (17-Christoph Spycher, 75), 27-Gokhan Inler, 29-Stephan Lichtsteiner, 35-Fabio Celestini (33-Gelson Fernandes, 46)
Subs not used: 12-Diego Benaglio, 37-Germano Vailati
Head Coach: Jakob Kuhn

Stats Summary: USA SUI
Shots 9 8
Shots on goal 5 3
Saves 4 3
Corner Kicks 3 4
Fouls 25 16
Offside 3 0

Misconduct Summary:
SUI – Marco Streller (caution) 45th minute
USA – Oguchi Onyewu (caution) 45.
USA – Maurice Edu (caution) 53.

Officials:
Referee: Frank de Bleeckere (BEL)
1st Asst.: Peter Hermans (BEL)
2nd Asst.: Danny Huens (BEL)
Fourth Official: Nicole Petignat (SUI)

Sierra Mist Man of the Match: Carlos Bocanegra

Monday, October 8, 2007

I Curse Thee, Chris Neil!

Many STDs for you this year! Genital warts! And um... general loose stool for the entire season!



Eat it, Neil! Fear The Wrath which no doubt hath now wrought! The Shiznit is expected to be out at least 4 weeks with a grade 2 shoulder separation.

Haven't seen any of the 1st 2 games but the New York Rangers have started out 1-1 with a 5-2 win over Florida & a 2-0 shutout loss to Ottawa on saturday night.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Other Sports Quick Update

New York Rangers' new season starts on Thursday evening against the Florida Panthers. The Rangers have finalized their opening roster & I'm glad that both Marc Staal & Ryan Callahan made the 1st roster for the opening season!

No surprises in net as King Henrik & Valiquette make the team as netminders. Montoya probably would've made it except for the cap hit he'd entail for the Rangers if he made the roster.

Hopefully the Rangers can build on their late season success & go beyond their 2nd round exit to Buffalo last year.

It's almost GO time!

* * * * *

Arsenal have already played 7 EPL matches & somewhat surprisingly have 6 wins & a draw to head the EPL heading into October.

Without
Thierry Henry who was sold off to Barca in August too. A case of addition by subtraction perhaps? No doubting Thierry Henry was obviously one of the best strikers in the world during his time at Arsenal but the Gunners also had a propensity to rely too much on his goalscoring perhaps. So now with him not in the side maybe it's a case of the younger Gunners stepping up & assuming more of the leadership & goalscoring roles, especially Cesc Fabregas.

They've also made a great start in the Champions' League by beating other favorite in their group to advance, Sevilla, 3-0 & face Romanian side Steaua Bucharest tonight.

All goalz are belonging to Cesc Fabregas

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

New York Rangers Trade Matt Cullen

Well, the Cullen 2nd line center era ends after only one year in Rangerland with the New York Rangers trading Cullen back to his former team the Carolina Hurricanes today for defenseman Andrew Hutchinson, center prospect Joe Barnes & a 3rd round pick in next year's draft.

I guess this move either frees up cap space to sign Sean Avery who b/c of Cullens' departure, the signings of Chris Drury & Scott Gomez, may be moving to 3rd line center. Or perhaps youngster Brandon Dubinsky is setup for taking the 4rd line center spot. Or maybe another move brings somebody in. Who knows? Interesting days indeed in Rangerland.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Rangers Make Big Splash In FA Market

While some will be nervous at the Rangers splashing cash in Free Agency will be a harkening back to the overspending of the late 90s & early 00s, I couldn't be happier at them signing Chris Drury. He's not nearly as skilled as Jagr, but Drury is just one of those athletes that has it. It being that certain trait for somehow, some way being on winning teams or just making a team better not through overt statistical output but through those unquantifiable intangibles.

Drury is not going to score 50 or even 40 goals. He may only score 25 but he's the kind of cat that 20 of those 25 will be in key situations or to win a game.

The Rangers also signed former Devil, Scott Gomez. While I'm not a big fan of Gomez, that has more to do with him being a Devil & not necessarily anything with his game.

I do like these signings b/c both of these guys can play much more of a two-way game than Nylander could.

Next order of business for the Rangers is to re-sign His Shiznitness, Sean Avery, who is an RFA, along with The King, Henrik Lundqvist.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Sweet Pic

Found this sweet pic of a playoff game between the New York Rangers & Buffalo Sabres while cleaning out my inbox. I love the starburst of the light in the background. It's like the Light of God or something:

Starlight, Starbright

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Quick Update Again

New York Rangers lost their series to Buffalo in 6 games. They made it way more competitive than Buffalo wanted & were a few plays away from actually winning the series themselves 4-1. Lindy Ruff is still a wicked bad douchebag. Ryan Miller stood on his the netire series. Henrik Lundqvist kept the Rangers in the series the whole way, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda.

Arsenal drew againt Chelsea in the EPL, 1-1.

Milan overcame their 3-2 ECL aggregate in the San Siro against ManU, as I predicted, in trouncing the Mancs 3-0.

Liverpool, also as I predicted, will meet Milan in the ECL final in a rematch of their 2005 classic thriller. Here's to hoping that the Milanese can overcome the 'Pool & theat ostrich-looking wanker, Peter Crouch.

P.S. Quick update b/c I had a lot going on last week with my mom being in town & helping me get my condo in some semblance of presentable order & helping me purchase furniture & arranging things. Thanks, momma!

Also, no big updates this week since I'm heading to Mexico for my good friend Steven's wedding... at a REAL resort. Real posh digs apparently. Hopefully they let riff raff like me stay there longer than a drink or two...

Friday, April 27, 2007

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #5

81. Sean Avery once won a gold medal in every single Olympic event in both the summer & winter games.

82. When Hinduism refers to the Supreme Person having 16 parts, they are referring to Sean Avery.

83. Streetworkers don't actually use jack hammers to breakup concrete, Sean Avery just punches it.

84. Sean Avery has lived 16 times before as: 1. Buddha, 2. Moses, 3. Jesus, 4. Richard the Lionheart, 5. William Wallace, 6. Charlemagne, 7. Julius Caesar, 8. Napoleon Bonaparte, 9. General Patton, 10. Alexander the Great, 11. Tutankhamen, 12. Achilles, 13. Michael Jordan, 14. Wayne Gretzky, 15. Babe Ruth & 16. Billy the Kid

85. Sean Avery was the 16th person to sign the Declaration of Independence.

86. Global warming is accelerated when Sean Avery gets pissed off.

87. Sean Avery built the Great Wall of China in 1916.

88. The U.S. Department of Sean Avery is a department started to trash talk to other crappy nations which includes all of them except for the U.S.

89. The U.S. Air Force didn't drop an atomic bomb on Hiroshima or Nagasaki in 1945. They dropped 2 water balloons filled with liquid distilled from Sean Avery's anger.

90. When something's strange in your neighborhood, don't call Ghostbusters, call Sean Avery.

91. The starship Enterprise boldly goes where no man has gone before but Sean Avery boldly pwns where no man has pwn3d before.

92. The 1st extraterrestrial message received & translated simply stated, "Sean Avery Rulez."

93. Sean Avery built the Great Pyramid at Giza in 16 B.C.

94. Sean Avery could fix the leaning tower of Pisa, he just doesn't feel like doing it.

95. Shooting 16 under par in golf is called "shooting a Sean Avery."

96. A 16 cent piece is called a Seanie

97. A Sean Avery stone of measurement is 16 lbs.

98. Seanuary is the 16th month of the year.

99. Averymas is a holy day that is celebrated on Seanuary 16th & is the holiest day of the year in Averyianity.

100. Sean Avery led the Averyites out of Egypt in 1616 B.C.

Rangers, Baby! Rangers!

New York Rangers look to tie up the series against the Buffalo Banana Slugs tonight after dropping their series opener on thursday night. Lesser drunkness will happen since I'll be watching the game by myself at home & only partaking of a few Abita Ambers since my mom's in town.

Good luck, Rangers!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #4

61. Most people have 5 senses, lucky ones have 6th sense, but Sean Avery has 16 senses.

62. George W. Bush was not always the idiot some claim he is. Sean Avery bodychecked him once in a pickup hockey game & President Bush has never been the same since.

63. Sean Avery taught both Jimi Hendrix & Stevie Ray Vaughan how to play guitar.

64. Sean Avery has the 16th highest GNP (Gross National Product) in the world.

65. Adolf Hitler didn't commit suicide, Sean Avery killed him with a bodycheck.

66. Synthesized amino acids from Sean Avery can cure wimpiness.

67. The Pope takes orders from Sean Avery.

68. Sean Avery defeated Roy Jones, Jr. the only time they've ever fought.

69. Sean Avery was the 16th President of the United States.

70. It is impossible to look directly at Sean Avery. If you attempt it, he will check you.

71. The M-16 assault rifle was named after Sean Avery's number.

72. Sean Avery has 16 girlfriends whom are all hot.

73. Sean Avery was born in a Bethlehem manger 1600 years ago.

74. Sean Avery is the 16th richest person in the world.

75. Sean Avery has been elected mayor of his hometown 16 times.

76. Sean Avery invented sex so that the rest of us would have something to be happy about.

77. You can block a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick if you're Sean Avery.

78. Dynamite is made from Sean Avery's blood.

79. Sean Avery's sweat could provide for the US' energy needs for the next 16 centuries.

80. Sean Avery knows when you've been naughty or nice.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Much Disappointment Tonight...

The New York Rangers lost their 2nd round opener tonight 4-2, to the Buffalo Sabres. Except for the 1st 10 minutes or so in the opening period, the Sabres definitely lived up to their reputation of being faster & more aggressive in the offensive. The Rangers had a few chances early to get a lead on the Sabres but Ryan Miller played extremely well in net for the Sabres & only gave up 2 goals late on (goals by Hossa & Shanahan for the Rangers) when the game was already decided.

Rangers need to bounce back quickly & regain the aggressive style of play that got them past Atlanta.

Biggest disappointment of the night was seeing an utterly beautiful young lady of that olive skinned, possibly Mediterranean ancestry that I just get so easily & utterly smittened with, I mean she was absolutely gorgeous & I chickened out yet again in talking to somebody that I wanted to. I hate myself for consistenly doing this. I hate for not doing something I claimn to want to do & then backing out. I hate that I don't ever seem to get enough support from friends to ever want to be wingman enough to help me go talk to somebody. I'm tired of it. I'm fed up with it. I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired of myself. Fuck being "too young," she was drinking, she had to be at least 18! I'm 32. Who fucking cares? It's hard enough to meet people as it is & then we go & confine ourselves, restrict our options byu putting ourselves in these forced strategies... What the fuck am I supposed to look for? 28-32? 26-32? 24-32? 22-32? Fuck it all. I'm fed up. She was beautfiul, I wanted to talk to her. Why the fuck can't I ever bring myself to cross the threshold & take it upon myself to attempt that? The irony of which, I'm so confident of my abilities in every thing else save this- women. I'm tired of getting talked out of things like this, when my main motto in life is "most people are wrong, trust yourself."

I don't think people understand the depth of the loneliness of which I feel. It is so deep, I can't describe it. I have never dated anybody. I have never been in love & had it reciprocated, I have never made love. I was so drunk the couple times I think I had sex that I don't even recall if I even had sex. I am fed up. I am tired of it. I am so utterly lonely people can not comprehend it.

Where are you? Where are you, my love? The search is so daunting, so frustrating. FUCK! I want to make love to somebody. I hate having so much passion & desire & not having a proper outlet that it gets turned into anger & frustration.

My Mediterranean Beauty... if you go to Gainesville Ale House regularly on Wednesday nights, I swear to you, at some point, I will talk to you. Fuck everybody else. Fuck their self-inflicted constraints, fuck their advice. You were so lovely, you would inspire poetry, you would inspire art, you would inspire beauty... you do or did inspire them all... I am just too weak of mind & not enough of a real man to be courageous enough to be vulnerable & unscared of failure & rejection enough to approach you... For that, I hate myself...

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #3

41. Sean Avery lives in the 16th Dimension.

42. Sean Avery taught John Bonham how to play drums.

43. Black Sabbath wrote Sabbath Bloody Sabbath in honor of a Sean Avery performance on the Sabbath.

44. Sean Avery is Todd Fedoruk's daddy.

45. They say that 'no man is an island,' but Sean Avery is not a man, he's the Shiznit.

46. Sean Avery solved Pi.

47. The most famous Bible Verse is Avery 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Shiznit, Sean Avery."

48. Sean Avery ended the Cold War when he checked Russia on it's ass.

49. A Sean Avery guitar has 16 strings.

50.
Sean Avery won Super Bowl XVI all by himself.

51.
When Sean Avery messes with a bull, he does not get the horns, the bull gets the Shiznit.

52.
In the field of Theoretical Shiznit Physics, the unifying element of the Universe is Sean Avery.

53.
Sean Avery is the 16th planet of the Solar System.

54.
One unit of Sean Avery length is 16 inches.

55. A Sean Avery style building has 16 floors & 16 columns.

56.
When Sean Avery lived in Los Angeles it was called 'Los Averyes'

57. Sean Avery was not born, he spontaneously came into being after a massive check.

58. U.S. nuclear powered submarines are really powered by sweat taken from Sean Avery

59.
We all exist at Sean Avery's whim.

60. Sean Avery has never lost a fight.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #2

21. There is no Illimunati or New World Order. It is Sean Avery that secretly runs the world.

22. Sean Avery invented heavy metal.

23. Sean Avery ran the Moors out of Spain all by himself.

24. Sean Avery invented bodychecks.

25. The US Air Force's F-16 fighter is called The Fighting Sean Avery.

26. It takes 16 wins to win the Stanley Cup b/c Sean Avery's number is 16.

27. 4 is the square root of Sean Avery.

28. Tornadoes are caused from the turbulence of Sean Avery flipping the bird.

29. Joe Montana wore the number 16 for the 49ers only b/c Sean Avery let him.

30. The $16 bill has a picture of Sean Avery on it.

31. Sean Avery owns 16 Ferraris

32. Half of 32 is Sean Avery

33. Sean Avery was the 16th state admitted to the Union

34. Sean Avery was his prom's homecoming king 16 times

35. Sean Avery invented hockey

36. When the going get tough, the tough emulate Sean Avery

37. All your things are belong to Sean Avery

38. Avery, New York Ranger was a television show cancelled b/c of its' graphic content. Walker, Texas Ranger was the watered down version that was aired

39. Sean Avery has laughed in the face of Death 16 times

40. Sean Avery was the Pharoah of the 16th Egyptian Dynasty

Friday, April 20, 2007

SWEEP!


Yeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw, 1st round Jester's dead! The New York Averys swept the Atlanta CNNovalchuks in 4 games! They completed their sweep on wednesday night with a 4-2 victory over a Thrashers team that play remarkedly better than in their previous game on tuesday night.

Update: Ok, ok, I slacked off over the weekend, so this article will be short & suck balls. Also, I was busy getting insulted by a message board douchebag from OTG, one of the few remaining ones. Wah, wah, my teeth are messed up, boo hoo, boo hoo. I do not know how I will possibly survive this slander thrown my way... perhaps it'll be the same remedy as always... a few beers & heaping bowl of-not-giving-a-shit.

The Rangers play the Buffalo Sabres in the 2nd round of the Stanley Cup playoffs beginning on thursday.

P.S. Thank you, Crepens, whomever ye be for holding my Sean Avery & personalized last name New York Rangers jerseys in mine condominium office...


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Rangers Destroy Thrashers, 7-0. Go Up 3-0 In Series

Rangers tell Thrashers "Come back for more ass-whoopin' tomorrow night!"

Oh my word… what have I just witnessed? I’m not quite sure what I just witnessed but it was about as good a hockey game as I’ve ever seen the New York Rangers ever play. It was absolutely incredible from start to finish. Hitting, checking, skating, scoring, good goaltending, penalties, hits, getting scorers ejected, this game had it all except for “Girls Gone Wild,” but I digress…
Think the Mongols across the Russian steppe, Alexander through Asia Minor, Dump through an expletive rant filled with a year’s supply of “morons.” The Rangers started out the game with zest, zeal, jump in their step, determination, drive & other positive adjectives I can’t think of right now. From the opening faceoff until the end of the game save for a moment here & there, the Rangers played about as perfect a playoff game could be played.

The Madison Square Garden crowd expecting their 1st playoff win after a near decade long drought was rewarded & rewarded kindly. The 1st goal was scored by Michael Nylander after only 32 seconds into the game. Jaromir Jagr picked the puck up in the neutral zone, made a quick little nifty move to gain space, elude the Thrashers’ defense skating into the offensive zone, then slipping a pass to #92, biding his time & then ripping a nice wrist shot past Kari Let-one-in (Lehtonen). Good evening, how are you, 1-0 Rangers before the MSG crowd had even sat down.

And from there… it only got worse for the Atlanta Thrashers. The Rangers of new skated with purpose from there on out. They forechecked like demons, they harassed, harried, hurried, and were general nuisances in their offensive zone all night long. They found time, they found space, they found all the dimensions of the physical universe to their advantage. Nylander made it 2-0 after a slight scramble in front of Lehtonen, who in trying to kick clear a shot knocked it to Nylander who ripped another shot pass Kari with JJ causing trouble in front. 2-0, Rangers & the Thrashers on the back heel only 10 minutes in.

From there, the 1st period continued with the Rangers finding all the space they could ever want, dipsying, doodling & skating around like the Ice Capades with several rushes that had very skillful & almost taunting moves. Thomas Pöck had an especially exciting double move where he deked twice & looked to be on his way to a goal only to have his shot saved but had made 2 moves that made Atlanta defensemen look preposterously silly. For a split second it was like watching vintage Oilers circa 1984.

Marek Malik even got into the act walking in from the point & trying to pull of a spectacular backhand high shelf wrister that just missed but was rewarded several moments later when after more good board work from Jagr, the puck found it’s way to Nylander who dropped it to Duh-lik who launched a shot… and gosh darnit if it didn’t find it’s way in, 3-0 Rangers & I’m pounding beer to keep up with all the goals. The much maligned Marek Malik despite the year in, year out über +/- total, with only his 2nd career playoff goal. People are celebrating, woodland animals are clapping furry paws in approval & even Stealing Society let’s a smile creep across his face!The Rangers finish out the period strong albeit with a slight wobble & some penalties taken to end the initial period but all in all, from my point of view, the 1st period was probably the best overall period played by the Rangers in the entire season & one of the best periods I’ve seen any team play in a long, long time.

Marik Malik sings Deep Purple's "Smoke On The Water"

The 2nd period started out with Atlanta sort of taking the play to the Rangers but these are not the Rangers of recent memory. They stood their ground, rode out the patches of spotty play & steadily took the game’s flow back to the Thrashers. Atlanta continued their attempt at a more physical style of play but as in the previous 2 games, their attempts at hits only seemed to energize the Rangers & create lanes & space for Ranger scoring opportunities. Couple the Thrashers trying to play a hit-everything-that-moves style of play & an energized MSG crowd & it only was a recipe for disaster for Atlanta.

After the initial flurry at the start of the 2nd period, the Rangers, as stated above, slowly started to reassert their command over the game & continued their demon-like forechecking & neutral zone harassing & steady play in their defensive zone. The teams then traded powerplays & after a short period where Henrik Lundqvist, the King, made a couple of good saves, an Atlanta attack was cleared to Sean Avery outside the New York defensive zone who then crossed to Ryan Callahan cross ice through the neutral zone on a rush. Callahan skated 2 on 1 with Shanahan but decided to shoot himself & unleashed an absolute beauty of a wrister, far post against Lehtonen & put the Rangers up 4-0. Let it be said that I believe Ryan Callahan is going to be a stud in the future & that the Rangers, I believe, have finally found themselves a young forward who can not only throw his weight around but chip in regularly on the offensive end as well.

Ryan Callahan joins the growing list of Tim Tebow challengers

As evidence of the above statement, Ryan Callahan found himself spending some time on the 2nd power play unit later on in the period. After an exchange of penalties & power plays, the Rangers 2nd powerplay unit was in action & Sean Avery again did really good work stopping an attempted clearance just outside the Thrashers blueline & skated in. Avery then dropped a pass back to Michal Rozsival back to the point who on this night, like every other Ranger, was playing with so much confidence, let a blast form the point go. 5-0, Rangers & the rout was truly & well on. Initially it looked like Rosy had scored the powerplay goal but it was in fact, Ryan Callahan doing his laudable work, showing his hockey smarts & working to the front of the net who came up with the deflection to put it past Let-one-in. Cue MSG delirium & looks of shock & awe on Hartley & his Thrashers.

Ryan Callahan (#43) gets knighted by Paul Mara & Brendan Shanahan (left)

The remainder of the 2nd was played out much like the rest of the period with the Rangers, not content to sit back with a 5-0 lead, continuing to forecheck & harass the Thrashers. The 2nd ended with some chippiness, some recipes & phone numbers exchanged, dinner reservations & bah mitvahs planned & oh by the way a few choice expletives & dirty language may or may not have been used. The jury is still out.

The 3rd period saw more of the same from the 1st two with hitting & some open play flowing from end to end, albeit with the ice seemingly tilted in the Rangers’ favor. The Thrashers seemed to have a glint of hope when Jed “Stone Hands Captain” Ortmeyer was sent to the box for tripping at 2:44 of the 3rd but barely one minute into the powerplay a double hit near the Rangers bench on Atlanta’s scorer & star, Ilya Kovalchuk finished off by Mr. Shiznit himself, Sean Avery, caused the Russian star to let his frustration get the best of him. After the puck was dumped into the Rangers zone, Ilya skated straight for Avery & it was just a matter of exchanging Pokémon cards & Kovalchuk & Avery were scrapping in a way that only playoff hockey intensity can cause. Cue subdued bedlam on the ice. Several players, including Keith “My Last Name Sounds Like The Sound A Flat Tire Makes” Tkachuk, Paul Mara for the Rangers & Eric Belanger for the Thrashers & of course, His Peskiness, Sean Avery all receiving misconducts & spending either ample time in the box or being able to visit the showers for an early bath.

Sean Avery taking a punch... and negating an Atlanta powerplay

Following that little skirmish, a period of more occasional end to end play occurred but as before, the Rangers had the bulk of the play carried in their favor. That led up to an incident where Ryan Callahan, who doing his best impersonation of Sean Avery drew a penalty by being a pest driving through the neutral zone caused a powerplay for the Rangers. Just seconds into the man advantage, the Rangers were up 6-0. Matt Cullen on a simple up ice rush into the zone just flicked it wide to Brendan Shanahan. Shanahan then showed why sometimes the simple option is the best- SHOOT THE DAMN PUCK. Shanahan just flip a wrister, albeit a hard one towards the net. The shot deflects off Shane Hnidy & past Lehtonen. 6-0, MSG explodes again, Thrasher heads drop, songbirds burst into song, golden rays of sunshine break through clouds, long forgotten girlfriends call you on the phone & that baseball card once misplaced happens to turn up & all is right with the world…

But the joy didn’t stop there! Cue more of the same- the Rangers skating with energy & purpose & forcing the Atlanta Thrashers into panicky play. Yes, the Thrashers got the odd chance here & there but all in all, the Rangers continued to take the bulk of the game to Atlanta & by far limited the Thrashers’ chances to outside shots & the sometimes hoped for rebound put back, of which on this night, always seemed to bounce in the Rangers’ favor & away from an Atlanta forward and/or to a Rangers defensemen or the sideboards.

An episode of mention during this period was a quasi-ruckus started by Atlanta tough guy, Eric Boulton looking to take out his & his teammates’ frustration on the Rangers and/or cuddly puppies, failed to get strongman Colton Orr to fall into a fight but instead got himself & Michal Rozsival sent to the box for crosschecking Rosy & Rosy retaliating for the heinous act.

About 4.5 to 5 oz. of a Budweiser Select after that (approx. 2 minutes to the lay person), the Rangers found themselves on another powerplay. Atlanta forward Slava Kozlov was penalized for elbowing after a moment of madness where he mistakenly thought he was Claude Lemieux & Petr Prucha was Kris Draper.With youngster Ryan Callahan & top line center, Michael Nylander both sitting on hat tricks, the accolade fell to Michael Nylander on the Rangers powerplay. Again off a simple offensive zone entry rush, Michael Nylander skated over the blueline, dumped it right to Jaromir Jagr who took a step, fed the puck to Michal Rozsival who skated up, looked to shot with Atlanta expecting that very play but then passed out to the right circle back to Nylander who let a crisp shot go, that hit Lehtonen & trickled over the goal line for an incredible 7-0 margin.

Nylander skates through a hat-trick wasteland

The game had long been decided, however, the Rangers of new impressively continued to skate, hustle & generally outwork Atlanta for the entire game. Enough can not be said about the top line of Hossa, Nylander & Jagr’s play. They at times tonight toyed with Atlanta looking at one point to be putting on a trick skating clinic. AND1 on ice, if you will. Also, kudos, accolades, blue ribbons, gold stars & general rounds of applause also go out to Ryan Callahan & Sean Avery who pestered, harried & were bothers to the Thrashers all night long, getting the Thrashers out of their game & being psyched out mentally all night long. You can see with each game that Ryan Callahan is playing & skating with more & more confidence. It’s fun to watch.

In conclusion, the Rangers performance tonight was about as dominant performance as a team has given that I’ve seen in a long time. Yes, there were moments were it looked like Atlanta may score & grab some momentum but honestly, there have been very few, if any, truly perfect games ever played in sports but at times tonight the Rangers truly looked “great.” They need to build on this win tonight, take the confidence & determination & carry it over not only the rest of the series with the Thrashers but hopefully not only beyond but far beyond!

Quick turnaround for the Rangers as they look to wrap up the series with Atlanta tomorrow night. Hopefully it’ll be 4 & done & they can take a few days off to rest up any wounds & injuries they may have. Blair Betts seemed to be hurting with a hand injury, as did Marcel Hossa look to be gimpy with a knee knock. Here’s to them both being able to play 100%.

In my opinion, same lineup, why change now? Raise the anchor, hoist the main sail, steady as she goes… the Rangers Pirate Bandwagon continues to roll, er (arr!) sail on!...

Colton Orr shows The Trashers the meaning of "respect"

(thanks, Toby from OTG for publishing my article!)

http://www.outsidethegarden.com/articles/otg/2007/4/17.asp?column=otg&month=4&day=17&year=2007

Monday, April 16, 2007

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #1

1. The sound of thunder is created when Sean Avery checks another player

2. 3 out of 4 dentists agree that Sean Avery would knock your teeth out, the 4th dentist is just a Devils fan, so he's stupid anyway

3. Sean Avery has slept with every woman in the world & most of them on Mars, Jupiter & Neptune

4. Sean Avery holds the vast majority of the NHL scoring records as "Wayne Gretzky" is a pen name of Sean Avery

5. Sean Avery is listed as a WMD by the United Nations

6. Sean Avery will hunt down & punch in the face anyone who dares say "this list of Sean Avery facts on this Chuckles' blog is just a ripoff of Chuck Norris bit"

7. Sean Avery is Chuck Norris' daddy

8. Sean Avery taught both Bruce Lee & Chuck Norris karate

9. Things that are afraid of Sean Avery- Death, Fear, Hurt, Pain & Dudes with girlfriends

10. Tim Tebow is a false god masquearading as having the powers of Sean Avery

11. Sean Avery invented the Internet & kicked Al Gore's ass for claiming that he had.

12. There was no atomic bomb detonated at Hiroshima, it was just Sean Avery throwing a bodycheck into the Japanese city that casued it to incinerate

13. U.S. Attorney positions exist at the whim of Sean Avery

14. The Great Wall of China was built in a feeble attempt to keep out Sean Avery

15. Heavier than air travel doesn't actually exist, things "fly" b/c Sean Avery throws them

16. Sean Avery single-handedly won World War I

17. You wouldn't like Sean Avery when he's angry

18. E = Sean Avery

19. Sean Avery invented the number 16

20. On the 16th day, God created Sean Avery

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The New York Averys Go Up 2-0 On Atlanta With 2-1 Win

Let it be said that the Atlanta Thrashers have certainly come out & played tough & looking to hit everything in sight in the 1st 2 games of the 1st round playoffs with the New York Ranger-Averys. You know a team has desire when top scorers such as Ilya Kovalchuk has 3 big hits within the timeframe of a single period. But for all their desire & determination the Rangers have impressively played with oodles more of composure than would be expected with their younger guys on this year's roster, especially the d-men. Indeed, this is not the Rangers from 1998-2004.

The Rangers won their 1st game in Atlanta 4-3 on thursday with Atlanta really putting the pressure on in the last several minutes of the game. Atlanta & everything and even looked to be getting the elbows up a little in some of their checks butcame out jacked up, hitting anything hey... it's playoff time, baby. Time to be a man & take some overhitting in stride & keep playing your game. Which, the Rangers thankfully did although as stated before were under intense pressure from Atlanta in the last several minutes, but again, I was impressed that the youngins didn't buckle under the pressure although I was a mite bit disappointed at how the Rangers big hitters looked to be pushed around a tad bit but I was informed by the demigod himself, Steve Avery, that it was all a ruse to lure the Thrashers into a trap. Good work, your highness!

Kari Lehtonen looks to the skies for a swooping Averydactyl attack.

Saturday's game was much of the same but with fewer goals but the Rangers scoring was started off by, of course, the man, the myth, the ever-growing legend, the Archduke of Antigonization, Steve Avery. Is there nothing he can't do? Probably cure cancer but he told me in a secret memo, it's only b/c he doesn't care enough about mankind to cure the disease. He'd rather bang some hot broads. Who can fault that? I mean free will after all, right? Let the missionary work be left to Tim Tebow, who could only ever hope to be as godlike as Steve Avery.

Even Marcel Hossa throws down a challenge to Tim Tebow

Of course the game winner was set up by my liege as well cleverly doing a quick shot fake & then dishing to Shanahan for the gamewinner. No doubt, that Elisha was ravaged in a marathon lovemaking session after the game by Heir Avery.

So the Rangers are 2-0 up heading back to MSG & the ghosts of last year's playoff demons are already exorcised regardless of the outcome of the series with Atlanta. Strange days indeed! Most peculiar, momma!
New York Averys celebrate after their win on saturday putting them up 2-0 in their 1st round series with the Atlanta Thrashers

Monday, April 2, 2007

I Have A Sean Avery Man-Crush

Holy crapballs, I like Sean Avery of the New York Rangers. A lot. I mean I don't like Sean Avery but I like him in a strictly admirable, totally platonic, gosh darnit I wish I was him kind of way.

I like the fact that everybody else in the league hates him. I like the fact that he's an abbrasive, trash talking shit starter. I like the fact that he's listed at 5-10 185 but plays & hits players like he's 6-2 220. I like the fact that he hits anything that moves & chips in goals too. I like the fact that he's resparked the Rangers' playoffs hopes & thus they are only 2 points away from clinching a spot with 3 games remaining. I like the fact that Sean Avery is a lucky bastard who has bedded Elisha Cuthbert.
In short... I have a man-crush on Sean Avery, #16 of the New York Rangers... so much so, I actually recently ordered a Rangers jersey with his name & number on it...
His stellar perfomance last night in a 7-2 rout of da Maple Leafs (you are the wurst kind of leafs on earth!) was a perfect example of why you love him if he's on your team & absolutely HATE him if he's not. He scored 2 goals, chipped in with an assist & won a fight with Darcy Tucker & generally hit everything that came within a 3 ft. radius of him including a basset hound that got loose in the 2nd intermission & some annoying brat that was on a sugar buzz & who needed to be put in timeout anyway. Rumor has it that he also cured smallpox after the game by slamming it into the boards.
Avery Pwning Darcy Tucker...Pinned! Winnah, winnah, chicken dinnah!
And as it was in the beginning & forever more- hot babes dig badasses

Hey, Sean, what do you say to all the haters?

Well played, sir!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Rangers In 6th After Beating The Fishsticks!

Holy Hell, the Rangers have gone from 11th to 6th in the Eastern Conference standings in only a few weeks... the Playoff Bandwagon is running full steam ahead right now!
The New York Rangers defeated their arch-rival New York Fishsticks yesterday 2-1 on an overtime powerplay goal with from center Michael Nylander. Nylander scored the goal off a deflection from a Brendan Shanahan shot with under a minute left in the overtime period. Big Bruiser Colton Orr picked up the other goal for the Rangers. Some talentless douchebag scored for the Fishsticks.

It always feels good beating the Fishsticks no matter the records of either the Rangers or the Isles & it especially is nice when you beat them & take a step further to getting into the playoffs & also making it harder for the Fishies themselves to get into the playoffs.

Take dat, Di Pietro!