NCAA Football's 7" LBer

Look at him go!

In The Footsteps Of Similar Greats...

Paris Hilton was released from jail early this morning ending her grueling 30 day jail stint. Much like other great figures in world history who were jailed such as Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama, Mike Tyson, 50 Cent, etc. Paris Hilton endured her arduous sentance & can now go return to her duties as leader of a generation.

Ohmigod, you guys, you don't know what torture is until you like spend a few days in jail & you have to eat jail food & ohmigosh there was even a couple times where I saw a roach. It was so disgusting, you guys. And like they make you wear this hideous clothing like what a homesless person would wear & they don't even give you any designer grooming products. So don't go to jail if you like, don't have to, you guys, it's so not hot.

Paris, what are you going to do on your first day of freedom?

Ohmigosh, there is so many things I have missed in my long stay in jail. Like I'm going to go run out & buy all the Prada I can & then I'm going to go on like a weekend long binge of ice cream but still puke it up you guys, don't worry & then like I'm going to go visit O.J. to see if he has any advice on the post-jail experience & like how to get on with your life & stuff. Ohmigosh, you guys, I also forgot I'm going to have like a huge party & you can all come, even like the people I would normally turn down or give "as if!" to in a club & we're gonna have the bestest time evER, you guys. Oh & I'm also going to go smoke some weed & snort some lines b/c they didn't have any of that in prison either! Well, not any stuff that I do. Snort impure stuff? As if! Not hot!"

Paris, do you have any further advice or words of wisdom that this situation has tuaght you that you may want to pass on to younger women?

Be nice to drug addicts & homeless people & criminals because you may end up with them in jail one day. Also, make sure you're pretty and if you can, be famous too, so you like get a different justice than like poor people and stuff. Oh, and like next time if this happens again, I'm like going to go get that lady teacher in Florida's lawyer b/c he got her no jail time for like raping boys & stuff & she was pretty too. So I guess that's what I would say- be pretty & rich & like turn a smile upside down or something & be nice to the judge & swallow if he bribes you to get out of jail. I just gave him head & he still sent me to prison, you guys.

US Wins Gold Cup With 2-1 Victory Over Mexico

I had a nice little blog post written up & some fricking reset caused by the damn little sensitive enter function on my laptop's cursor pad made it go poof! F*ck!

So instead, here's crap about the match from FoxSports.com.

Benny Feilhaber is the new man. He scored an absolute beauty of a goal for the winner. A cracker from outside the box off a cleared corner. Fricking beautimous!

Un golaso indeed, Mi Amigo!

Lineups
Mexico: Oswaldo Sanchez; Jose Jonny Magallon, Carlos Salcido, Rafael Marquez, Ricardo Osorio; Alberto Medina (Cuauhtemoc Blanco, 78'), Pavel Pardo, Jaime Lozano (Adolfo Bautista, 81'), Jose Andres Guardado; Nery Castillo, Jared Borgetti (40' Omar Bravo)

United States: Tim Howard; Jonathan Spector (Frankie Simek, 72'), Oguchi Onyewu, Carlos Bocanegra, Jonathan Bornstein; Landon Donovan, Benny Feilhaber, Pablo Mastroeni (Ricardo Clark, 46'), DaMarcus Beasley; Clint Dempsey (Taylor Twellman, 69'), Brian Ching

Goals
44' MEX, Guardado (Castillo)
62' USA, Donovan (pen)
73' USA, Feilhaber

Cards
9' USA, Dempsey
18' MEX, Medina
60' MEX, Magallon
76' USA, Ching
85' USA, Beasley
86' USA, Simek

I Am The Man

Every Girl Crazy 'Bout A Sharp Dressed Man!

How on Earth am I still single? B/c I seem to be The Man. I'm always winning XBox 360s & iPods & the lowest home mortgage rates around in my e-mail inbox. Not to mention I've been given $30 million from nice Nigerian businessmen 6 times, twice from associates in Burkina Faso & this last time from the Senegal. So I'm loaded too.

Not to mention I get all these hot babes wanting to be my friend in MySpace everday! It's weird though, they always have the same profile description & "Tom" is usually their only friend or they have only dudes as friends. No matter, it's obviously me they want b/c of my luck prowess with all the Xbox winnings & the windfall from Nigeria & western Africa.

You suckas wish you had my life. Here's my 2 dates for the evening. Ahhhhhhhh... it's good to be the king!

Which one of you hotties wants to play with my Xboxes 1st?

Thierry Henry Moves To Barcelona

Holy fucking crap balls... It was confirmed this morning by Arsenal.com & Skysports.com that the Thierry Henry is transferring to FC Barcelona as initially reported by BBC Sports last night. I don't know what to say other than I was wrong about this one. I would've thought Henry would've stayed at Arsenal after signing that 4 yr. contract last year. But what are you going to do? Apparently Arsenal felt comfortable with the 16 million pound offer they received from Barca & sold him. I would've hoped we would've gotten at least 20-25 million for him.

One can only wonder what Arsene Wenger has in store as far as bringing someone in now. Certainly this means that Arsenal's 1st pair strikeforce will be Robin Van Persie & Emmanuel Adebayor, unless Wenger is going to go with the en vogue 4-5-1 with Van Persie on the left & Walcott on the right with Adebayor in the center.

The other definite thing is that next season for Arsenal just got a whole fuckload more interesting.

Thierry Henry in his own words on the move.

Thierry you have left Arsenal, can you tell the supporters your reasons for going?

“I have said it so many times. Before Mr Dein left, for whatever reason, I went to the boss and said I don’t want to leave. There had been a lot of speculation about me and I assured him that I did not want to leave. But after Mr Dein left that unsettled the team and the boss. Especially as at the moment he has not committed himself to the club. He said he will see out his contract but you cannot be sure if he is going to go or stay [at the end of next season]. Hopefully he is going to stay but I need to be certain and reassured of that. Everybody knows I am 30. The boss being unsettled, Mr Dein going, it did unsettle me a bit. After that I had thoughts of leaving the club.

“It is a difficult day for me to come here at Emirates Stadium and talk about this. But I want to come here explain why to the fans. I want to be certain of where the club was going and reassured in a way. I wasn’t and I have chosen to go”

Seems fair enough to me. I'm certainly not going to bash him for leaving Arsenal, we all have to do what we feel is right & Henry feels that moving to Barca is the right move for him. I'm disappointed but I certainly won't begrudge the man his power of choice. I also don't think this signals a catastrophic fall for Arsenal or that it even makes us a mid-table club like some supporters feel Henry's departure does.

Anyway, here's to Thierry Henry's service & many wonderful goals he scored for Arsenal. Best to luck to you, Thierry. Merci pour la bon temps et coupes pour L'Arsenal.

US With Another 2-1 Win To Advance To CONCACAF Gold Cup Final

I missed the match because I thought it was coming on at 8 EST but in fact it came on at 7 CST so I didn't watch the end. Plus I also had a beer & wine drinking laundryfest but I DVRed it so I may watch tonight. Here's a report from FoxSports. Apparently the US squeezed by on a controversial tying goal waved off for Canada in injury time. 'Bout time the refs give us a call. Looks like my bicthing worked immediate voodoo dividends.

The Canadian coach, Dayne Bretzky, was fictionally quoted as saying,

"Aw gee, those hosers from the Sooth have no right to be gooing oontoo the final. They're just lucky we can't resort to broouhahas in sooccer. I'm soo mad I'll have to drink anoother case of Elsinore moore than I already would toonight to droown the pain."

So, the US goes on to face arch-nemesis, the Tricolore of Illegal Alienexico who was almost royally embarrased by losing to one of their former citizens turned immigrant housekeeper, Guadeloupe scoring a lone goal in the 70th minute . Hugo Sanchez on the game:

"Aye caramba y dios mio! My beans are so fried right now that I can't even digest my carne asada & guacamole taquitos. I would've thought that CONCACAF would've received the drug cartel bribes by now & would've already handed the Copa Oro trophy to Fruitworkerexico. I almost want to die or have Cuahtemoc Blanco teabag me & inject habanero into my eyes before I live with the dishonor of losing to some island named Guadeloupe who no one can even find on a map!

But we move on & it's hard ball time when we face the Gringos next match. We lose, we'll no longer export migrant farm workers, tacos, drugs, tuberculosis or leech the Gringo health care system & we will certainly no longer import Se Habla Espanolo!"

Thanks, Paco, we'll keep that in mind on sunday when we'll no doubt be absorbing all the usual Mexican elbows & knees tackles.

Lineups
Canada: Pat Onstad; Ante Jazic, Andrew Hainault, Julian De Guzman, Paul Stalteri; Ali Gerba (Issey Nakajima-Farran, 81'), Richard Hastings, Atiba Hutchinson, Dwayne De Rosario; Patrick Bernier, Martin Nash (Iain Hume, 64')

United States: Kasey Keller; Frankie Hejduk, Oguchi Onyewu, Carlos Bocanegra, Jonathan Bornstein; Michael Bradley, Pablo Mastroeni (Ricardo Clark, 89'), Landon Donovan, DaMarcus Beasley; Eddie Johnson (Benny Feilhaber, 80'), Clint Dempsey (Taylor Twellman, 88')

Goals
39' USA, Hejduk (Donovan)
45' USA, Donovan (PK)
76' CAN, Hume (Hutchinson)

Cards
20' USA, Bornstein
29' USA, Bocanegra
41' USA, Donovan
44' CAN, Onstad
60' USA, Hejduk
60' CAN, De Rosario
89' USA, Bradley

USA Gets By Panama, 2-1 In Gold Cup Quarterfinals

It's becoming a tired old thing to watch- very poor refereeing & especially calls that go against the US. Now, I'm not talking about questionable calls & a fan's bitching about his team not getting calls. I'm talking about blatant "What The Fuck are the 4 officials looking at? Are they watching the same game?," type of calls. This time the officials missed a ridiculously blatant on purpose handball by Panama captain, Felipe Baloy. He was already sitting on as yellow card & his ass should've been sent off for the offense, but nope, not against the US in soccer. I've just come to the conclusion that all the self-loathing Leftists that feel guilt about America's past & current administration & policies should watch soccer- because the world's soccer officials stick it to us constantly. Either that or CONCACAF regional officials are a fucking joke & completely amateur in quality. Either way, it's fucking pathetic most of the time.

Anywho, the US won, 2-1, should've scored possibly 1 or 2 more plus should've been facing 10 Panamaniacs instead of 11. The game was played this past Saturday, I've just drug ass all week & am only now getting around to posting.

Lineups
Panama: Jaime Pinedo; Carlos Rivera, Luis Moreno, Juan Perez, Blas Perez; Manuel Torres, Ricardo Phillips, Engin Mitre (Nicolas Munoz, 63'), Amilcar Henriquez (Alberto Blanco, 78'); Victor herrera (Luis Henriquez, 78'), Felipe Baloy

United States: Tim Howard; Frankie Hejduk, Oguchi Onyewu, Carlos Bocanegra, Jonathan Bornstein; Michael bradley, Pablo Mastroeni, Landon Donovan (Ricard Clark, 89'), DaMarcus Beasley; Taylor Twellman (Steve Ralston, 71'), Clint Dempsey (Brian Ching, 84')

Goals
60' USA, Donovan (PK)
62' USA, Bocanegra (Beasley)
84' PAN, B. Perez

Cards
16' PAN, Torres
18' PAN, Balloy
22' PAN, B.Perez
28' USA, Hejduk
35' USA, Onyewu
49' PAN, J. Perez
76' PAN, Torres
87' USA, Beasley
89' PAN, Munoz
90' USA, Howard

Sweet Pic

Found this sweet pic of a playoff game between the New York Rangers & Buffalo Sabres while cleaning out my inbox. I love the starburst of the light in the background. It's like the Light of God or something:

Starlight, Starbright

Jeremie Aliadiere Leaves Arsenal

French forward, Jeremie Aliadiere transferred from Arsenal to Middlesbrough today according to SkySports.com. I can't really say it's any big loss especially with Niklas Bendtner coming back from on loan at Birmingham.

Aliadiere was an ok striker, obviously with lots of speed but his injury-proneness & lack of finishing in the times he did play for Arsenal don't have me missing him on his departure.

Best of luck to him though at Middlesbrough- except against Arsenal, obviously.

A Toast Is In Order!

Just passed the 500 mark on profile viewed on MySpace! Holy moley! What an accomplishment! I feel so satisfied, so content, so sarcastic...

In other news, I have a crush on the Obama girl, Amber Lee Ettinger, who has a crush on Obama. Naughty littly brunette nymphs, you get me every time, it's not fair.


The U.S. beat El Salvador wednesday night, 4-0. Didn't see the match, no report from me, no ratings but they face Panama this afternoon at 4 EST in the Gold Cup QFs. That match I'll most likely watch.

http://www.yanks-abroad.com/content.php?mode=news&id=3171

Unfortunately for an MSU South Croominator buddy of mine, his Bulldawgs lost their CWS opener last night to the Tar Heels of UNC, 8-5. I don't know when they're elimination game is, Sunday possibly.

Arsenal have signed Norwegian teenage defender Havard Nordveit. No doubt one for the youth & reserve teams for now.