Mets Win Last 2 Against Marlins

Magic # down to 5 for the Mets with 7 games left. Mets have a 3-game series with the Nationals, a makeup game with the Cards & then end the season with a 3-game set with the Marlins.

Kudos To Mike Gundy

I don't know the whole situation but Mike Gundy delivers an awesome "F*CK YOU" tirade directed at sportswriter, Jenni Carlson.



Gundy says it perfectly when he says "you wanna come after somebody, come after me." He is the head coach, he is the one responsible for the team's performance, he is the one with big salary, take him on & question him, not the kid (player) who just didn't play well. Gundy also has a perfect point when he says if you're going to go after a kid, go after one that is not doing the right things.

Tasty Nuggets, Week 4

Ouch! The Tasty Nuggest have been

almost as bad as THESE Nuggets!

Texas A&M +3 vs. Miami (FL)- Even though this game is being played in the Orange Bowl or "Da OB" as the kidz call it, & we all know Aggies have serious trouble exiting rounded structures, I tihnk the Aggies can pull off the upset in Da OB. How so, you say? Well Aggies are obviously good at agriculture since it's what they study, so they'll no doubt have some choice chronic grown in the hydroponics lab specially for this game in Da OB. While all Da Hurricanes is gettins all crunk/crönk the bulldozer known as Javorskie Lane will plow lanes & holes in Da U's D in Da OB enough for A&M to control the clock. Believe dat. Texas A&M 21, Miami (FL) 19

Da U don't scare U?

Georgia +3.5 at Bama- Yeaaaaaah, dat 1/2 pt. got yo azz didn't it Saban? It gonna gitchoo again dis week, sucka! In fact, Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sound Machine had that song saying the same thing. Remember? "Come on Saban, baby, do that conga, you know oyu can't control yo body any longer. The 1/2 pt. is gonna get you tonight! The 1/2 pt. is gonna get you, the 1/2 pt. is gonna get you, the 1/2 pt. is gonna get you tonight!" Or something like that... What do you want from me, I listen to metal! Georgia 27, Bama 16

Does Saban have time for THIS shit?

Kentucky +6.5 vs. Arkansas- Same thing as above, pick the same team with the same line from last week. Humanity Advanced will probably rip off 200 in this game if he can shake off the cobwebs of being concussed last week. I like the word concussed. It should mean "against cussing," but it doesn't. "con-" means "against as in contrary, "cussed" is the past tense of cussing. See? It should mean "against cussing," but it doesn't. English is so confusing sometimes. Kentucky 34, Arkansas 30

Concussion, it's a way of life

Florida -21 over Ole P1ss- Woo! How silly of a game did The Chose One have last week? Just silly. I admit I was hoping for a Prothro there in the 4th quarter when Tebow was playing bulldozer running it up 52-20 but hey you can't always get what you want. No, you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you find, you might just get what you ne-e-ed! Yeah! Anyway, hopefully like all Messiahs, eventually Tebow will be put down by an angry mob & executed. Although when your hyawhyawhyawhyaw, Baby Jebus' Co-Pilot, you can do whatever you want it seems. PS, GO TO HELL OLE MISS! Florida 45, Ole Miss 17

Tebow is Jesus' Co-Pilot... look it up.

Georgia Tech -3 over Virginia- I don't know. I was going to make some drivel about Georgia Tech being the Yellow Jackets & Virginia once beat back the Red Coats & try & tie in some Revolutionary War reference but I can't get it formulated in my head correctly. So I give you this instead, completely off the top of my head- Once upon a time there was a boy who dreamed of playing ball in the ACC. But his parents were perplexed b/c they were unsure of which "ball" he meant, you see. The ACC is a basketball conference traditionally, so they implored him, "Bartholomew Mephistopholes Washington! Which 'ball' do you mean, child?! Basketball or football?!" BMW, as he was known on ther playground, replied, "No momma, no daddy, I want to ball like on Dancing With Stars!" Just then his daddy took a switch to his backside & BMW ended up going on to work in an office like the rest of us schmucks. The end. Georgia Tech 24, Virginia 15

BMW, do you like movies about gladiators?

LSU -16.5 over South Carolina- Woo! Kool-Aid time, oh yeah! Move over Tommy Tuberville, there's a new Riverboat Gambler in the SEC, Ryan Perrilloux! Get it? Riverboat Gambler? Bwaha, I slay me. With the OBC coming into Tiger Stadium, a lot of the LSU faithful including the portion of Tigah Nation known as The Rantards are frothing at the mouth to hand Spurrier his tail for all the backside whippins he handed out as a Gators coach. Although with a QB that vaguely resembles, Jacques Goudeau pre-head shaved, I aint skerrrrrrrrrrrrrrred of the Chickens! Hahahaha I stayed away from the obligatory "member" references. LSU 27, South Carolina 10

There's only one TRUE Riverboat Gambler

Notre Dame +13.5 vs. Michigan St.- I'm only picking this in hopes that that radio guy from MSU has another epic meltdown on the air. "Make playz! Make playz!," "I'm tiiiiired of it... I'm tiiiired." But I also wouldn't mind Notre Dame losing again on the way to a possibly 0-8 start look at their schedule (once again, please pronounced this in that fancy-pantsed English manner). That Mike radio guy has an almost coronary but Sparty bludgeons the Emu near the end to save the day. "This! Is! East Lansing!" Get it? 300 reference. Sparta? Bueller? Hello? P.S. ZBIKOWSKI IS THE SINGLE MOST OVERRATED PLAYER IN THE COUNTRY. PERIOD. Michigan St. 20, Notre Dame 14

No, no, fellas. Wrong kind of play.

Michigan +2.5 vs. Penn St.- Yeah, yeah, yeah, Appalachian St, Oregon Ducks, woopty do. Analysis, matchups, blah blah blah. Michigan will win this game strictly to mess & muddy the Big Ten picture & throw huge monkey wrenches in the BCS later on as well. But Michigan doesn't want to be your monkey wrench.... fall in, fall out.... Michigan 28, Penn St. 26

Michigan's Foo Fightin' Monkey

USC -24.5 over Washington St.- Again, ride USC till they throw you. Or keep picking them in hopes they don't cover & somehow lose. Anti-pick, so to speak. Besides LSU is going to beat USC this weekend anyway, so why we would play them a 2nd time later in the year. Get it? USC? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. USC 45, Washington St. 20

Any excuse to show hot broads...

Washington +5.5 at UCLA- Boy I bet Ty Willingham laughs when he goes to bed every night this year. No, no, no, not at Charlie Weis. Willingham is a fiend for nitrous oxide. How do I know this? B/c I made it up, so you know it's true. Speaking of laugh, how bout dat 44-6 shellacking Utah laid on UCLA last week? WTF, mang? WTF? Ok, ok, maybe the Pac10 is AS tough as the SEC but when was the last time an SEC team lost to a mid major opponent by 5+ TDs??? Even including Mississippi St.? Waiting for the answer ESPNUSC... Washington 24, UCLA 18

Ty taunts Charlie Weis,
"score this many offensive TDs, Charlie"

Win A Damn Game You Stinkin' Mets!

New York Mets! They're Choketastic!

Geeeeeez Louise, the Mets are choking. Why did the Mets sign the 78 Red Sox all of a sudden? Sheesh! Magic # is down to 9 but their NL East lead is down to 1.5 over the Filthies.

Mets blew a 3 run lead (twice actually) last night to lose yet again, this time to the Fish, 8-7 in 10.

Good thing football season is here! Ha!

After Dinner Mints, Week 3

Oh Snap, once again I gots bad taste in da mouf!

TCU -8 over Air Force
Air Force 20, TCU 17
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Damn you, Horny Toads! You iz losing me twice dis year! Frog legs be made out of ye I say to thou for thouest to understand? Gotz it?!

Arkansas +3.5 vs. Bama
Bama 41, Arkansas 38
SU: Lost; ATS: Win
Hoorayz for 1/2 pernts! Eat a d1ck, Sabanz!

Auburn -13 over Mississippi St.
Mississippi St. 19, Auburn 14
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Time for the truth- Cox sucks. Which is ironic since you would think Cox would be getting sucked. I told you don't fuck wit dem Owlz, WarBeagles. Woof.

Tennessee +7.5 vs. Florida
Florida 59, Tennesse 20
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
I hate Jebus' Co-Pilot, Trim Teblowz. He threw a pick & I saw it! Hahahahahaha!!!!

Colorado +4 vs. Florida St.
Florida St. 16, Colorado 6
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
In a true sign I'm getting to be a lush & older, I was too tired to stay up & watch this game. Hooray for sleep!

Middle Tennessee +42 vs. LSU
LSU 44, Middle Tennessee 0
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
Mmmmmmmm, I likez Kool-Aid! Move over, Tuberville, there's a new Riverboat Gambler in town, Ryan Perrilloux! Get it?

Kentucky +6.5 vs. Louisville
Kentucky 40, Louisville 34
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Yeah boy! SEC "crap" is still better than Mid-Major powers!

Michigan -7.5 over Notre Dame
Michigan 38, Notre Dame 0
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, Notre Dame is Le Suck. How do you say "sucks really bad" in Latin? Notre Dame, suckus maximus.

Texas -19 over UCF
Texas 35, UCF 32
SU: Won; ATS: Lost
Texas with no Vince Young or Limas Sweed = average... and prey to Mack Brown's buffoonery.

USC -10 over Nebraska
USC 49, Nebraska 31
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Yes, but it was the most astounding 31 pts. ever given up. I'm just saying, prevent defense or not, Nebraska overrated or not, USC still gave up 31 on the road when you can only dress 60. So either way, USC's top defensive players were playing when they gave up 31. Furthermore, why play prevent anymore if your defense is so good & the danger of 31 pts. being perceived wrong is out there? Just saying... LSU has only given up 7 pts. ALL SEASON & even those 7 pts. could be disputed in replay...

Weekly Record
SU: 6-4
ATS: 4-6
LOW: Won

Season Record
SU: 20-10, .667
ATS: 13-17, .433
LOW: 2-1, .667

Mets Drop 5th Straight; On Verge Of Getting Swept Again

2 in a row dropped to the Nats. That's 5 in total. The Filthies are only 2 GB of the Mets & the Magic # remains at 11. Ummmm, that's it. Good night.

Fillies Sweep Mets A-gain...

Flyers swept the mets yet again in a 3 game set. Luckily it's foozball season so it's kind of like "ho hum" for baseball now... except I'll say yet again- "I don't jnow why anyone else but the Red Sox & Yankees play baseball, it's obvious that they're the only 2 teams ESPN gives a shit about."

Or they (the Red Sux & the Stankees) are like Detroit & Colorado in the NHL, they seem like they only play each other.... Blaaaaaaaaaah blah blah.

Anywho the Mets' lead is down to 3.5 due to the sweepage by the Fillies. Magic # is now 11.

Tasty Nuggets, Edition 3

After getting hammered like Ted Kennedy in a gin distillery last week it's time again to pretend I know what I'm talking about & faking it good enough to sound just like da people on ESPN who know just as little but are on da ESPN like Tigah Wooooods & his dadday.

Week 2 Quick Review:

Virginia Tech +13 vs. LSU Won/Lost/Lost (Hurrah! Glad I was that wrong)

Bama -4 over Vandy, Won/Won

Auburn - 7 over USF, Lost/Lost

Boise St. -3 over Washington, Lost/Lost

Troy +27 vs. FLorida, Won/Lost

Michigan -6 over Oregon, Lost/Lost

TCU +9 vs. Texas, Lost/Lost (Didn't realize they were ESPN's "sexy" pick of the week otherwise I'd've taken Texas)

UNLV +25 vs. Wisconsin, Won/Won

BYU +8.5 vs. UCLA, Won/Lost

UAB + 33.5 vs. FSU, Won/Won

Weekly Record:

SU: 6-4

ATS: 3-7

LOW 0-1

Season Record:

SU: 14-6 (. 700)

ATS: 9-11 (.450) 1st time under .500 vs ATS in 3 1/2 years, I think

LOW: 1-1 (.500)

TCU -8 over Air Force- Horned Frogs will bounce back against Air Force as the Academy are the underfalcons, I mean the udnerdogs in this one. The only reason TCU played so poorly against is they were ESPN's upset special sexy pick last week which was a sure kiss of death. Oh yeah well that & b/c Texas is still a pretty good despite struggling in their 1st game. Has Air Force finally abandoned the triple option? Not a good idea with all those slow white guys, eh, FIsher DeBerry? TCU 27, Air Foce 13

Other people's sexy picks kill you every time...

Arkansas +3.5 at Bama- Saban's honeymoon ends. One of the 14 national title awards ready to go will be trashed but Bammers will still enjoy their Crimson solipsism regardless, so who cares? "Arkansas ain't done got no QB," they say. Well they still have Casey Dick who is no doubt a Dick, he almost led an upset of LSU 2 yrs. ago, so maybe Roscoe P. Nutt can find some voodoo witchy woman for some gris-gris to drop on Bama. Arkansas 24, Bama 17

Earlene, you done said Saban was as good as The Bear!

Auburn -13 over Mississippi St.- Hey, if Auburn's going to keep struggling when I pick 'em, in the long run, fine with me since dem WarChickens can go fly around & poop on Saban for all I care. I don't give a hoot which is made by owls & owls have nothing to do with WarChickens except I hit an owl with a car last year & da sumb1tch lived, so they some tough birds. Auburn 31, Mississippi St. 14

The Owls have spotted you... you're screwed, WarChickens

Colorado +4 vs. Florida St.- Interesting game since it involves two I-A football teams, bruther. It ain't intermurals. I don't know why but I smell an upset in this one.... although would it really be an upset if Colorado beat FSU in Boulder? Colorado 27, Florida St. 21

FSU offense... maybe it IS like intermurals...

Middle Tennessee +42 vs. LSU- I ain't ready to drink the kool-aid just yet. Yes, LSU looked like world beaters last saturday as my neighbors can no doubt attest. They can probably tell you who the White Rhino is since I screamed it enough. TO hell with the neighbors though, they should've been more friendly anywho. But I'm not ready to drink the kool-aid just yet since I need to see if LSU's performance was top 10%er or it's going to be a average Bell Curve performance. Make me a believer, Mr. Flynn!!! LSU 42, Middle Tennessee 10

LSU Football +2 standard deviation or a mean score last week?

Kentucky +6.5 vs. Louisville- 1st of the Mid-Major powers fall this week. Depending on what happends & if teams knock each other off, Kentucky has a dark horse shot to win the East. Believe it. Although this game would be even awesomer if they had a halftime battle between who had the better horses, Lexington or Louisville. Hyaw!.. Louisville will lose to the 1st team that remotely has any sort of defense. Kentucky 34, Louisville 31

Dark Horse, starring Kentucky

Michigan -7.5 vs. Notre Dame- Seriously, people think Notre Dame has a shot in this one? Notre Dame has -8 yards rushing on the year. Yes, you read that right. Notre Dame has ZERO offensive TDs this year. You read that correctly too. Notre Dame's only TD has come on an oskie return. Yes, Michigan is 0-2, yes, they're playing w/o Henne but this may be a good thing for Michigan actually since Henne has look hesitant for the last year & half anyway. W/o the meddling spirits of Touchdown Jeebus & the Golden Dome Illimunati, Emu Clausen will have a nice game but nice is for nieces & kindergartens... P.S. TOM ZBIKOWSKI IS THE SINGLE MOST OVERRATED PLAYER IN THE COUNTRY. PERIOD. Michigan 24, Notre Dame 13

Overrated, a biography on Charlie Weis.

Texas -19 over UCF- What's better? Austin City Limits or Disney World? Exactly, Austin City Limits. Gee, watch Stevie Ray Vaughn's performance from a 1984 Austin City Limits or stand in line for 2 hours with a bunch of snot nose brats? Duh. Texas 35, UCF 10

SRV > Disney World

USC -10 over Nebraska- I dunno, this game just reeks of blowout to me. USC will be out to stop the burgeoning "LSU is a werewolf with a chainsaw for a hoo-ha" talk & Nebraska has struggled, especially Sam Keller who has 2 TDs & 3 INTs & will be facing a defense far better than the previous 2 he has faced. Wait, what am I doing? Real football anaylsis? WTF? Ok, ok, Condoms with swords will slice the Cornhuskers & shuck them from their husks & eat them before moving on to slay Christians in the Coliseum while everybody drinks wine & shtoops everything in the Roman way. Boy dose, Romans were some randy cusses. USC 38, Nebraska 17

Even the pope likes the Trojans in this game

Tennessee +7.5 vs. Florida- I'm probably completely wrong but you should definitely stop at the 2nd partaking of yuccus (sp?). Unlike Tebow who can just live & play off pure desire & the hopes & prayers of Gator Nation, I can't. That yuccus will give you a major 3 day hangover & that as they say in Russia is "teh suck." And of course Tebow will eat Fulmer's donuts & Fulmer is still a phat phuck. Battle to see which shade of Orange is the least 5uckest. Florida 35, Tennessee 31 (2OT)

Orange, it's not just for citrus anymore...

I don't have a poll or tiers this week b/c frankly, I don't wanna. You wanna poll, go fishin'.

Mets Recap

Quick Mets recap of the last couple days. They've so far split the 1st 2 games of the series with Hotlanta, a 3-2 win & 13-5 loss, respectively.

Mets bats continue to come alive as David Wright & Moises Alou are both over .300 & Beltran has raised his average to .280 recently, although speedsters Jose Reyes & Luis Castillo have seen the averages fall some 20 pts. apiece in the last month. Have you swoon NOW Reyes & Castillo.

Hopefully all the bats will remain hot come playoff time which the Mets are hopefully setting up for nicely with Lastings Milledge & Shawn Green swapping starts in outfield to go with the hot bats of Beltram & Alou.

Delgado's been ok but would still like to see some more consistent power with him personally.

So far, it's Bravos-Mets 1-all in the bottom of the 4th tonight... and I just got a wicked twitch in my left eye that's driving me batty. But hey, at least my 4 day headache is finally gone...

Update: Woo! Mets come back to win tonight, to take a 9.5 game lead on the 3rd place Braves. I think that all but eliminates them from catching the Mets. Big series with the Fillies starting on friday. If the Filthies have any shot at catching Los Metropolitanos they'll have to sweep the Mets again, I think. Fingers crossed.



Tasty Nuggets 3 is coming tomorrow, fiends. All 2 of you.

After Dinner Mints Edition 2

Oh yoy yoy, bad week this week. Rotten nuggets. I think I'm the one who needs the mint this week. Although all that went on this past weekend, it was the kind of week I'm glad I was wrong in several instances!

Bama -4 at Vandy
Bama 24-10
SU: Won; ATS= Won
The Messiah got some Crimson stew simmahrin' in Tuscaloser. National Championship headlines on the printing press are already getting ready to be printed in some scary, delusional corners of Bammerland. Beware, Bammers like Paul Muad'Dib, The Kwisatz Haderach Nick Saban will foresake you one day & leave mysteriously.... Dune references! Old skewl dorkery, suckas!

Auburn -7 over USF
USF 26, Auburn 23 OT
SU: Loss; ATS= Loss
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah WarChickens got beat! And that's no Bull! Well, it was, actually, many of them. Cox played like he likes Cocks giving out his balls to Bulls all night long. I also enjoyed The Riverboat Gambler, Tommy Tuberville folding his cards in a show of wimpery there at the end of the 4th WITH timeouts in his pocket. Nice move, Tuberville. Give a team that's had trouble moving the ball all night long an automatic short field to work with. Awesome.

Boise State -3 over Washington
Washington 24, Boise St. 10
SU: Loss; ATS: Loss
Nice work, Smurfs. It's a bit different playing when winning is expected of you isn't it? Or was Dr. Z that big of an influence??

Troy St. +27 at Florida
Florida 59, Troy St. 31
SU: Won; ATS: Loss
1st narrow loss of the season. Poop. Gators picked up a lot of niggling injuries at the skill positions which makes this weekend's matchup with the Vols interestingly interesting in the interesting sort of way, interestingly enough.

Virginia Tech +13 at LSU
LSU 48, Virginia Tech 7 ZOINKS!
SU: Won; ATS: Loss
Dear God, I'm glad I was wrong on this one. Wrong by a 34 pt. margin, mind you. Holy crap I wish I could plagiarise this opening line for my own! Yeaaaaaaaah boy! VaTech got thumped & made to look 2nd rate. Especially the... um, well, actually the whole team.

Michigan -6 over Oregon
Oregon 39, Michigan 7
SU: Loss; ATS: Loss
Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap. Michigan... more words would only do harm. Now they face Notre Dame w/o Henne. Good luck with that.

TCU +9 vs. Texas
Texas 34, TCU 13
SU: Loss; ATS: Loss
Crap! If I watched ESPN I would've known that TCU was one of this week's "sexy" picks by everybody for an Upset Special. I didn't find out until Thursday evening after the Tasty Nuggets were sent out so I was stuck with the rest of the ooh-look-at-me-and-how-much-Im-smarter-than-everybody else schmucks in our losing losingness. Krikey.

UNLV +25 vs. Wisconsin
Wisconsin 20, UNLV 13
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Big Ten is weak. Ivan Drago will break them.

BYU +8.5 vs. UCLA
UCLA 27, BYU 17
SU: Won; ATS: Won
BYU almost came back to nip this one for me. They were down 20 early but then got distracted by the angel Moroni who sad unto them "Lo! Ye Mormons, beware of the Robbie Bosco Curse." But no one knew what that meant. In the confusion the Bruins put the ball past the goal line strip to accumulate the required points to cover the spread.

UAB +33.5 at Florida St.
FSU 34, UAB 24
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Somebody tell Bobby Bowden he won... barely. Then top off his tea & turn the light off since Bobbay git tired after practice & need a nap.

Week 2 Records
SU: 6-4
ATS: 3-7

Overall Records
SU: 14-6, .700
ATS: 9-11, .450