Sean Avery Facts, Edition #5

81. Sean Avery once won a gold medal in every single Olympic event in both the summer & winter games.

82. When Hinduism refers to the Supreme Person having 16 parts, they are referring to Sean Avery.

83. Streetworkers don't actually use jack hammers to breakup concrete, Sean Avery just punches it.

84. Sean Avery has lived 16 times before as: 1. Buddha, 2. Moses, 3. Jesus, 4. Richard the Lionheart, 5. William Wallace, 6. Charlemagne, 7. Julius Caesar, 8. Napoleon Bonaparte, 9. General Patton, 10. Alexander the Great, 11. Tutankhamen, 12. Achilles, 13. Michael Jordan, 14. Wayne Gretzky, 15. Babe Ruth & 16. Billy the Kid

85. Sean Avery was the 16th person to sign the Declaration of Independence.

86. Global warming is accelerated when Sean Avery gets pissed off.

87. Sean Avery built the Great Wall of China in 1916.

88. The U.S. Department of Sean Avery is a department started to trash talk to other crappy nations which includes all of them except for the U.S.

89. The U.S. Air Force didn't drop an atomic bomb on Hiroshima or Nagasaki in 1945. They dropped 2 water balloons filled with liquid distilled from Sean Avery's anger.

90. When something's strange in your neighborhood, don't call Ghostbusters, call Sean Avery.

91. The starship Enterprise boldly goes where no man has gone before but Sean Avery boldly pwns where no man has pwn3d before.

92. The 1st extraterrestrial message received & translated simply stated, "Sean Avery Rulez."

93. Sean Avery built the Great Pyramid at Giza in 16 B.C.

94. Sean Avery could fix the leaning tower of Pisa, he just doesn't feel like doing it.

95. Shooting 16 under par in golf is called "shooting a Sean Avery."

96. A 16 cent piece is called a Seanie

97. A Sean Avery stone of measurement is 16 lbs.

98. Seanuary is the 16th month of the year.

99. Averymas is a holy day that is celebrated on Seanuary 16th & is the holiest day of the year in Averyianity.

100. Sean Avery led the Averyites out of Egypt in 1616 B.C.

Rangers, Baby! Rangers!

New York Rangers look to tie up the series against the Buffalo Banana Slugs tonight after dropping their series opener on thursday night. Lesser drunkness will happen since I'll be watching the game by myself at home & only partaking of a few Abita Ambers since my mom's in town.

Good luck, Rangers!

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #4

61. Most people have 5 senses, lucky ones have 6th sense, but Sean Avery has 16 senses.

62. George W. Bush was not always the idiot some claim he is. Sean Avery bodychecked him once in a pickup hockey game & President Bush has never been the same since.

63. Sean Avery taught both Jimi Hendrix & Stevie Ray Vaughan how to play guitar.

64. Sean Avery has the 16th highest GNP (Gross National Product) in the world.

65. Adolf Hitler didn't commit suicide, Sean Avery killed him with a bodycheck.

66. Synthesized amino acids from Sean Avery can cure wimpiness.

67. The Pope takes orders from Sean Avery.

68. Sean Avery defeated Roy Jones, Jr. the only time they've ever fought.

69. Sean Avery was the 16th President of the United States.

70. It is impossible to look directly at Sean Avery. If you attempt it, he will check you.

71. The M-16 assault rifle was named after Sean Avery's number.

72. Sean Avery has 16 girlfriends whom are all hot.

73. Sean Avery was born in a Bethlehem manger 1600 years ago.

74. Sean Avery is the 16th richest person in the world.

75. Sean Avery has been elected mayor of his hometown 16 times.

76. Sean Avery invented sex so that the rest of us would have something to be happy about.

77. You can block a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick if you're Sean Avery.

78. Dynamite is made from Sean Avery's blood.

79. Sean Avery's sweat could provide for the US' energy needs for the next 16 centuries.

80. Sean Avery knows when you've been naughty or nice.

Ok, I'm Sober Now

So the post below was just the usual down in the dumps fueled by several beers & yet again not doing something I wanted to do (talk to lovely female that struck my fancy). I just get so frustrated sometimes for chickening out all the time & it's so difficult to do that alone that I get more frustrated when no one wants to be a wing man. Ah well, fuck it. It's not like that place won't be there that weekend & that that chick might be there again...

Much Disappointment Tonight...

The New York Rangers lost their 2nd round opener tonight 4-2, to the Buffalo Sabres. Except for the 1st 10 minutes or so in the opening period, the Sabres definitely lived up to their reputation of being faster & more aggressive in the offensive. The Rangers had a few chances early to get a lead on the Sabres but Ryan Miller played extremely well in net for the Sabres & only gave up 2 goals late on (goals by Hossa & Shanahan for the Rangers) when the game was already decided.

Rangers need to bounce back quickly & regain the aggressive style of play that got them past Atlanta.

Biggest disappointment of the night was seeing an utterly beautiful young lady of that olive skinned, possibly Mediterranean ancestry that I just get so easily & utterly smittened with, I mean she was absolutely gorgeous & I chickened out yet again in talking to somebody that I wanted to. I hate myself for consistenly doing this. I hate for not doing something I claimn to want to do & then backing out. I hate that I don't ever seem to get enough support from friends to ever want to be wingman enough to help me go talk to somebody. I'm tired of it. I'm fed up with it. I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired of myself. Fuck being "too young," she was drinking, she had to be at least 18! I'm 32. Who fucking cares? It's hard enough to meet people as it is & then we go & confine ourselves, restrict our options byu putting ourselves in these forced strategies... What the fuck am I supposed to look for? 28-32? 26-32? 24-32? 22-32? Fuck it all. I'm fed up. She was beautfiul, I wanted to talk to her. Why the fuck can't I ever bring myself to cross the threshold & take it upon myself to attempt that? The irony of which, I'm so confident of my abilities in every thing else save this- women. I'm tired of getting talked out of things like this, when my main motto in life is "most people are wrong, trust yourself."

I don't think people understand the depth of the loneliness of which I feel. It is so deep, I can't describe it. I have never dated anybody. I have never been in love & had it reciprocated, I have never made love. I was so drunk the couple times I think I had sex that I don't even recall if I even had sex. I am fed up. I am tired of it. I am so utterly lonely people can not comprehend it.

Where are you? Where are you, my love? The search is so daunting, so frustrating. FUCK! I want to make love to somebody. I hate having so much passion & desire & not having a proper outlet that it gets turned into anger & frustration.

My Mediterranean Beauty... if you go to Gainesville Ale House regularly on Wednesday nights, I swear to you, at some point, I will talk to you. Fuck everybody else. Fuck their self-inflicted constraints, fuck their advice. You were so lovely, you would inspire poetry, you would inspire art, you would inspire beauty... you do or did inspire them all... I am just too weak of mind & not enough of a real man to be courageous enough to be vulnerable & unscared of failure & rejection enough to approach you... For that, I hate myself...

Stinkin' Man U Stuns Milan With Rooney's Stoppage Time Winner

Blah blah blah. I hate Manchester United. I hate overrated bulldog-faced Wayne Rooney.

Goals:
Cristiano Ronaldo (MAN), 6'
Kaká (MIL), 22'
Kaká (MIL), 37'
Wayne Rooney (MAN), 59'
Wayne Rooney (MAN), 91'

http://home.skysports.com/matchreport.aspx?fxid=318832&channel=spain&cpid=5

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #3

41. Sean Avery lives in the 16th Dimension.

42. Sean Avery taught John Bonham how to play drums.

43. Black Sabbath wrote Sabbath Bloody Sabbath in honor of a Sean Avery performance on the Sabbath.

44. Sean Avery is Todd Fedoruk's daddy.

45. They say that 'no man is an island,' but Sean Avery is not a man, he's the Shiznit.

46. Sean Avery solved Pi.

47. The most famous Bible Verse is Avery 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Shiznit, Sean Avery."

48. Sean Avery ended the Cold War when he checked Russia on it's ass.

49. A Sean Avery guitar has 16 strings.

50. Sean Avery won Super Bowl XVI all by himself.

51. When Sean Avery messes with a bull, he does not get the horns, the bull gets the Shiznit.

52. In the field of Theoretical Shiznit Physics, the unifying element of the Universe is Sean Avery.

53. Sean Avery is the 16th planet of the Solar System.

54. One unit of Sean Avery length is 16 inches.

55. A Sean Avery style building has 16 floors & 16 columns.

56. When Sean Avery lived in Los Angeles it was called 'Los Averyes'

57. Sean Avery was not born, he spontaneously came into being after a massive check.

58. U.S. nuclear powered submarines are really powered by sweat taken from Sean Avery

59. We all exist at Sean Avery's whim.

60. Sean Avery has never lost a fight.

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #2

21. There is no Illimunati or New World Order. It is Sean Avery that secretly runs the world.

22. Sean Avery invented heavy metal.

23. Sean Avery ran the Moors out of Spain all by himself.

24. Sean Avery invented bodychecks.

25. The US Air Force's F-16 fighter is called The Fighting Sean Avery.

26. It takes 16 wins to win the Stanley Cup b/c Sean Avery's number is 16.

27. 4 is the square root of Sean Avery.

28. Tornadoes are caused from the turbulence of Sean Avery flipping the bird.

29. Joe Montana wore the number 16 for the 49ers only b/c Sean Avery let him.

30. The $16 bill has a picture of Sean Avery on it.

31. Sean Avery owns 16 Ferraris

32. Half of 32 is Sean Avery

33. Sean Avery was the 16th state admitted to the Union

34. Sean Avery was his prom's homecoming king 16 times

35. Sean Avery invented hockey

36. When the going get tough, the tough emulate Sean Avery

37. All your things are belong to Sean Avery

38. Avery, New York Ranger was a television show cancelled b/c of its' graphic content. Walker, Texas Ranger was the watered down version that was aired

39. Sean Avery has laughed in the face of Death 16 times

40. Sean Avery was the Pharoah of the 16th Egyptian Dynasty

Arsenal Ties Spurs 2-2 In North London Derby

(Chimbonda & Hleb fight for possesion; Photo courtesy of Skysports.com)

Again, I didn't see Arsenal's match this weekend against Spurs. Apparently we scored both of our goals from set pieces which is atypical of Arsenal. Arsenal had fallen behind Spurs 1-0 initially, which is typical of the Arsenal, from a 30th minute Robbie Keane goal. Arsenal knotted it up from a Kolo Toure header in the 64th, took the lead on an Adebayor header in the 78th before Spurs stole a point with a goal from Jermaine Jenas deep into stoppage time in the 95th minute.

Arsenal all but locks up 4th place in the Premiership & a Champions' League spot for next year despite the draw. They only need a solitary point from their final 3 matches to make it official. The Arsenal plays Fulham this saturday with the game supposed to be on Fox Soccer Channel.

(Huntelaar celebrates his goal; Photo courtesy of Ajax-USA.com)

Ajax meanwhile thrashed Sparta Rotterdam 5-2 on sunday to set up a 3-way tie at the top of the Eredivisie table with one match remaining. AZ Alkmaar, Ajax & PSV Eindhoven, respectively, all sit on 72 pts. but AZ leads b/c of goal difference. If all 3 pick up the same amount of points in next weekend's matches, AZ would become Holland's champion unless Ajax or PSV pull of extraordinary wins.

Ajax's goals against Sparta were scored by Wesley Sneijder in the 9th minute, Sneijder again in the 18th, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar in the 21st, Kenneth Perez from the spot on 75' & Nicolae Mitea in the 82nd minute. Sparta's consolation goals were scored by Rachid Bouaouzan & Iderlindo Moreno Freire in the 47th when the match was still in doubt.

(Ronaldo celebrates after scoring; Photo courtesy: Skysports.com)

Milan defeated Sardinian side Cagliari on sunday 3-1. Much maligned Ronaldo scored a brace with goals in the 14th & 69th minute. David Suazo had pulled Cagliari back into the match with a 74th minute PK before Andrea Pirlo put the match away with a goal in the 80th minute for Milan.

SWEEP!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw, 1st round Jester's dead! The New York Averys swept the Atlanta CNNovalchuks in 4 games! They completed their sweep on wednesday night with a 4-2 victory over a Thrashers team that play remarkedly better than in their previous game on tuesday night.

Update: Ok, ok, I slacked off over the weekend, so this article will be short & suck balls. Also, I was busy getting insulted by a message board douchebag from OTG, one of the few remaining ones. Wah, wah, my teeth are messed up, boo hoo, boo hoo. I do not know how I will possibly survive this slander thrown my way... perhaps it'll be the same remedy as always... a few beers & heaping bowl of-not-giving-a-shit.

The Rangers play the Buffalo Sabres in the 2nd round of the Stanley Cup playoffs beginning on thursday.

P.S. Thank you, Crepens, whomever ye be for holding my Sean Avery & personalized last name New York Rangers jerseys in mine condominium office...