Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Have You Had Your Daily Blessings Of Drinking The Prophet's Urine?


Not only does it have a zippy, tangy taste that all pedophilic, megalomaniacal conquerors can enjoy, but it also soothes your damned soul from the tortures & temptations the jinn may inflict upon you... Drink straight for maximum effect...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/12/world/middleeast/12fatwa.html?_r=3&hp=&oref&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

So run down to your local market, kill some Jews & enjoy the Prophet's Urine.

Side effects may include amorous feelings towards camels, affinity for sandy areas, the condition known as "Jihad Jimmy," hatred of women & delusions of Paradise

The Prophet's Urine, so many uses!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Virtual Reserve US Team Beats Trinidad & Tobago, 2-0

Blabbity blah blah. The US beat Trinidad & Tobacco this past saturday, 2-0. It was a fairly boring match, I didn't even finish watching it, stopped at half time actually. Really poor officiating again. The linesman on the far side blew at least 3 calls for offsides where US players were clearly onsides. For the last God Damn time officials- THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT SHOULD GO TO THE ATTACKER. Learn the fucking rules you damn tools! Pathetic, amateur level refereeing at a continental championship level event. Pathetic. No wonder a lot of the world sitll laughs at CONCACAF teams sometimes. Fucking pathetic, amateur refereeing in both matches I've seen so far.

Here's a link to the match details since I neglected my duty: http://msn.foxsports.com/soccer/story/6906564

No ratings from me this time since I didn't watch the whole match & I deleted the DVR of it, so far all 2 of you who read this site, tough. In the mean time, come back next week, we'll have some cheese for ya...

Thursday Night: U.S. Squeaks By "Physical" Guatemala, 1-0

The US opened up defense of their CONCACAF Gold Cup chamionship on Thursday night with a 1-0 win over Guatemala who were a typical freaking Latin American team... Guatemala went into tackles & challenges overly physical all night long, dove & flopped excellently as well. Couple with a Latin referee & it all added up to the U.S. squeaking by on the lone goal & then having to hang on for dear life in the final quarter hour b/c the US was a down a man & the players were hesitant to go into tackles b/c of the inconsistency of the refereeing.

Guatemala was by far the more physical side but somehow the US was the team with all the yellows... ridiculous!

The US' lone goal was scored in the 1st half by Clint Dempsey after a throw in from DaMarcus Beasley found Taylor Twellman on the left & he caught the Guatemalan defender flat footed & went by him & delivered a low cross for Dempsey to ram home.

Lineups
United States: Tim Howard; Frankie Hejduk, Oguchi Onyweu, Carlos Bocanegra, Jonathan Bornstein; Michael Bradley, Benny Feilhaber (Jay DeMerit, 81'), Landon Donovan, DaMarcus Beasley; Taylor Twellman (Steve Ralston, 71'), Clint Dempsey (Eddie Johnson, 61')

Guatemala: Ricardo Tregueno; Leonel Noriega (Luis Swisher, 89'), Claudio Albizuris, Pablo Melgar, Henry Medina, Gustavo Cabrera; Jose Contreras, Marvin Avila (Carlos Figueroa, 81'), Roberto Gomez (Mario Rodriguez, 71'); Carlos Quinones, Carlos Ruiz

Goals
1-0 USA 26' Dempsey (Twellman)

Cards
42' USA Hejduk
56' USA Onyewu
67' GUA Gomez
73' USA Onyewu
77' USA Bocanegra
86' GUA Noriega

US ratings (out of 10)
GK: Tim Howard, 6.5- Played well & did ok staying in the game early when the US was taking the game to Guatemala.

RB: Frankie Hejduk, 5.5- Did ok making runs forward but caught up field a few times too many & in one instance led to him horse-collaring a Guatemalan defender leading to a FK in a dangerous area.

LB: Jonathan Bornstein, 5.5- Same thing as Hejduk pretty much. Bornstein still needs to pick his spots better when he makes his runs upfield. Luckily he's fairly fast otherwise Avila would've smoked him on a few occasions.

CD: Oguchi Onyewu, 6- I'm giving Gooch a 6 b/c he was sent-off but he really should've earned a 6.5 possibly even a 7 but for the thoroughly idiotic inconsistency of the referee's calls on physical challenges in favor of Guatemala. Gooch's 1st yellow was given to him after HE was fouled by Ruiz. So go figure that one out...

CD: Carlos Bocanegra, 6- Again another 6 when I want to award 6.5 b/c of the inconsistency of the Mexican ref, but I'll go with the 6 b/c Bocanegra did let Ruiz frustrate him a little too much late on.

RM: Landon Donovan, 6.5- Ran well with the ball at the Guatemalan defense & on several occasions was cynical fouled to stop him. Did well in this as well as in one instance he was literally bodychecked by a defender & held his emotions in check really well after the incident.

LM: DaMarcus Beasley, 6.5- Did what he does best, made some nice runs on the wing but still needs to do a lot better at his balls in the box & crosses.

CM: Michael Bradley, 6- Tackled well, played decent overall but still got caught upfield a little too often, but again, he's only 19.

CM: Benny Feilhaber, 7- Really starting to be a fan of his. Passed well, played well enough considering his age & the physicalness of this game but playing in Germany was probably used to it. Still makes some naive mistakes sometimes but that's due to his youth, not his talent.

CF: Taylor Twellman, 6.5- Played well, won headers & distributed the ball well, had the assist on the goal

ST: Clint Dempsey, 6.5- Scored the goal, played well, but still tried to dribble too often, IMO.

Subs
61' for Clint Dempsey, Eddie Johnson, ST, 6- Ran at the defense well but couldn't find a rhythym to his finishing on the end of the runs. Still, with his speed worried the Guatemalan defense enough they couldn't totally bomb forward at the end.

71' for Taylor Twellman, Steve Ralston, RM, 6- Did ok in short appearance.

81' for Benny Feilhaber, Jay DeMerit, CD, 6- Came into play CD to shore up the defense after Gooch was sent off. Had a couple good clearances & interventions in his short stint.

US Man of the Match: Benny Feilhaber- As stated above I'm really starting like this kid. He has good passing vision, likes to get forward & has nice passing touch as well. He's still young & is a little raw but he looks to have good potential to eventually become a solid fixture in the midfield for the US.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Young U.S. Squad Defeated China, 4-1 This Past Saturday

Ok, I finally got my laptop back up & working with a spanking new hard drive, so the fun now continues...

With several younger players making their international debut the U.S. Mens' National Team thumped China, 4-1, this past saturday. The scoreline may have done a little injustice to China's 1st half play but the U.S. pretty much dominated the 2nd half & squandered a few chances to perhaps even have scored more.

The U.S. started out pretty well & scored their 1st goal from a DaMarcus Beasley penalty kick. Beasley had been taken down in the area by the Chinese keeper after a nice run behind the Chinese defense & a brilliant low lofted through ball by Michael Bradley, son of the US coach, Bob Bradley, & was a pretty sweet pass. Beasley made no mistake from the spot, drilling the shot just right of down the middle with the Chinese keeper diving to his right, 1-0, US.

The US goal seemed to energize the Chinese however as the next few minutes the Chinese played more aggressively on both defense & attack & their determination was rewarded with a goal in the 15th minute after a failed corner kick clearance. Zhang Yaokun rifled a shot to the near post from just inside the area on the left. Nothing US keeper Tim Howard could do with, 1-1.

After the tying Chinese goal, the play was pretty even although the US still looked the more threatening as the Chinese were playing with a flat backline & the US several times had balls played behind the defense that just evaded the attacker or were mistimed & called offsides.

The US slowly asserted themselves more in the attacking half & got the go-ahead & ultimately game-winning goal after some nice short passing work on the right side with yet another lofted ball into the area by Sascha Kljestan for Benny Feilhaber. Feilhaber still had work to do as the Chinese keeper rushed out to stop the shot, however, Feilhaber kept his cool & lofted the ball over the Chinese keeper before colliding with him & the ball landed in the net after a Chinese defender failed to get the proper touch on the ball to clear it off the line as he made contact with it, 2-1 US.

The rest of the 1st half was played out fairly evenly although you sensed the US had more in them as the Chinese continued to have occasional trouble with the ball behind the defense & seemed to have trouble organizing the defense after losing possession of the ball .

The US indeed began to have more opportunities on goal than the Chinese although they squandered a few decent opportunities for their 3rd goal & it began to look like a match that the US would either have to struggle to hang on to the 2-1 win or give up a tying goal against the run of play for a 2-2 draw.

Luckily, that is not what happened as the US scored their 3rd goal off a corner kick on a header from Clint Dempsey. As they lined up to take the corner, ESPN color commentator, former national team member & current US alltime goalscoring leader, Eric Wynalda, pointed out that the CHinese were completely leaving the backpost open & unguarded. Benny Feilhaber either saw the same thing or has ESP b/c he delivered the corner exactly there- to the backpost where Clint Dempsey lost his marker & hit a powerful header past the Chen Dong, the Chinese keeper, for a 3-1 lead.

The 3rd goal seemed to deflate the Chinese & it was only a few minutes later & the US had their 4th goal off yet another corner kick, this one delivered by DaMarcus Beasley (who had an outstanding match, by the way). Big central defender Oguchi "Gooch" Onyewu directed a nice header to the far post again as the Chinese left it unguarded for a finishing 4-1 scoreline.

Overall, a very good match for the US as they attacked well throughout the game although the final ball & crosses still need work to be consistently dangerous against teams that would be better organized defensively than the Chinese seemed to be. It was also a good match as several younger players got their debut caps in the US jersey. These included: Sascha Kljestan (who started), Lee Nguyen, Kamani Hill & Charlie Davies.

This match should give the US plenty confidence heading into the Gold Cup which starts thursday even for those players who didn't play in this match such as usual captain, Landon Donovan.

Lineups
China: Chen Dong, Zhang Shuai, Zhang Yaokun, Sun Xiang, Li Tie (Li Yan, 76th), Shao Jiayi, Xu Yunlong, Dong Fangzhuo (Zheng Bin, 67th), Zhao Xuri (Du Wenhui, 89th), Wang Peng (Qu Bo, 59th), Wang Dong

United States: Tim Howard (Kasey Keller, 46th), Carlos Bocanegra, Benny Feilhaber (Jesse Marsch, 80th), Michael Bradley, DaMarcus Beasley (Lee Nguyen, 80th), Clint Dempsey, Ante Razov (Charlie Davies, 66th), Jonathan Bornstein, Sacha Kljestan (Kamani Hill, 74th), Jonathan Spector (Frank Simek, 74th), Oguchi Onyewu

Goals
1-0 USA, 10' Beasley (pk)
1-1 CHN, 15' Yaokun (Peng)
2-1 USA, 28' Feilhaber (Kljestan)
3-1 USA, 75' Dempsey (Feilhaber)
4-1 USA, 79' Onyewu (Beasley)

Cards
CHN, 9' Dong
USA, 81' Bradley

US Ratings (out of 10)
GK: Tim Howard, 6.5- Not too much to do, made a nice save from a free kick & could do nothing with the shot on the Chinese goal.

RB: Jonathan Spector, 5.5- I'm being a little rough on him here especially as he's one of the younger US players. Defended well but his offensive runs were a little mistimed sometimes & his service balls were lacking.

LB: Jonathan Bornstein, 6- Average game. Got caught upfield a few times but again like Spector, he's young & he'll hopefully learn when to make runs & when to stay back.

CD: Carlos Bocanegra, 7- Played well in the center, won most of the headers in the defensive half & generally kept Manchester United reserve player Dong Fangzhou quiet.

CD: Oguchi Onyewu, 7.5- Same as Bocanegra for the most part, gets .5 bonus for the goal he scored.

RM: Sascha Kljestan, 7- Played well & will only get better. Had a nice pass for the assist on Feilhaber's goal.

LM: DaMarcus Beasley, 7.5- Initially started up front on the left in a 4-3-3 & interchanged with Dempsey but after the Chinese scored their goal & Bob Bradley switched the US to a 4-4-2, Beasley went to the left in midfield. Was a constant threat with his speed & runs behind the defense & played much better but still needs to work, in my opinion, on playing this way consistently. Scored the U.S. openeer on a PK after getting the foul call that led to it.

CM: Benny Feilhaber, 8- Was very industrious in midfield, was a constant threat on offense with his runs & passing & did fairly well on the defensive end. Showed good composure in scoring the 2nd goal.

CM: Michael Bradley, 7- Would've given him a 7.5 but he picked up a needless yellow late in the match when he fouled a Chinese player in a position where he didn't really need to foul but was a constant pest winning the ball in midfield & the defensive half. Still pretty impressive for a 19 yr. old midfielder in that deep-lying midfield position.

CF: Ante Razov, 6.5- Worked hard, won headers but seemed a bit off from the rest of the US attack.

ST: Clint Dempsey, 7- Played well enough & scored the 3rd US goal on a header but tried to dribble too much in his own half.

Subs: 46' for Howard, GK: Kasey Keller, 6- Not much to do in the 2nd half as the US started to control the game.

66' for Razov, ST: Charlie Davies, 6.5- Caused the Chinese defense to foul him early & often to try & negate his speed which he showed on a few occasions also had a half chance to score.

74' for Kljestan, RM: Kamani Hill, NR- Not enough time to really do anything.

74' for Spector, RB: Simek, 6- Defended ok in his short appearance.

80' for Feilhaber, CM: Jesse Marsch, 6- A cap that was more a reward for long service with several teams under Bob Bradley. Tackled well.

80' for Beasley, LM: Lee Nguyen, NR- Not enough time to really do anything of consequence.

US Man of the Match: Benny Feilhaber- Passed very well, had several nice balls that he played past China's back line. also got forward several times & made a nice run to set himself up for the goal & showed great composure to lob the keeper for his goal.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

My Hard Drive Went Kaput...

On my laptop, so I'm waiting on a technician fairy to visit & bestow upon me a new hard rive & LCD screen. Hopefully that'll be done monday & I can resume all my little sports universes... and blogging rants... and looking at naked girlies... and news... and um, stuff...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Boooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring

Where the Hell did everybody go? Memorial Day weekend was spent at the condo. Alone. With no computer b/c my hard drive died. Boring. As Hell.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

RIP, Mike V

Forgot to give a shout out to LSU mascot Mike V, after he passed away on friday. He's no doubt already terrorizing lesser mammals & mascots in the habitat in the sky...

Selfishly, we (LSU) now have our motivation for this year's inaugural Saban Bowl against Bama- "Win it for Mike V!"

Man, that's a handsome kitty!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Congratulations, Steven & Amy!

Steven and Amy Naul

A good friend of mine got married last friday in an absolutely beautiful resort named El Dorado Royale on the Riviera Maya in Mexico. People if you have chance to go to this place at some point- GO! You'll thank me later!

Made some new friends too...

DJs Creamy Smooth & Vaquero Madero

Amy & Steven enjoy their 1st post-nuptial smooch

Amy & Steven in a hurry to consummate the marriage

Rare appearance of Led Zeppelin with 5th member, Angry Wolf (kneeling)

Female hard rockers, L7, also made an appearance

Guns 'N' Roses showed as well, seen here waiting on Axl per usual

Oasis with new Jewish singer, Seamus O'Rosenberg (2nd from left)

Even the President of NBC made a brief appearance

World's 1st All-Girl Gangsta Group, Charleez AK-Angelz
wowed the crowd with their handgun filled stage show


Royal Couple of Liechtenstein, Lord Kyle Du Discount
& Lady Andrea Du Room Service


Kid Rock & entourage chilling at the Casitas pool


Steven confronts a paparazzi

Kings beds... where the magic happens

And... the star of the show... Whitney, the Wedding Donkey

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

What My Name Would Be Under The Spanish Naming Convention

Corey Hazel Jerald Frederick Jefferson Lorraine Louise Chatelain Perrodin Simon Pizzolotta

My only question is- what exactly is my last name/surname here? Chatelain? Perrodin? Simon? Pizzolotta? Yoinks!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Quick Update Again

New York Rangers lost their series to Buffalo in 6 games. They made it way more competitive than Buffalo wanted & were a few plays away from actually winning the series themselves 4-1. Lindy Ruff is still a wicked bad douchebag. Ryan Miller stood on his the netire series. Henrik Lundqvist kept the Rangers in the series the whole way, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda.

Arsenal drew againt Chelsea in the EPL, 1-1.

Milan overcame their 3-2 ECL aggregate in the San Siro against ManU, as I predicted, in trouncing the Mancs 3-0.

Liverpool, also as I predicted, will meet Milan in the ECL final in a rematch of their 2005 classic thriller. Here's to hoping that the Milanese can overcome the 'Pool & theat ostrich-looking wanker, Peter Crouch.

P.S. Quick update b/c I had a lot going on last week with my mom being in town & helping me get my condo in some semblance of presentable order & helping me purchase furniture & arranging things. Thanks, momma!

Also, no big updates this week since I'm heading to Mexico for my good friend Steven's wedding... at a REAL resort. Real posh digs apparently. Hopefully they let riff raff like me stay there longer than a drink or two...