Mets Beat 'Stros, Another Key Series With Hotlanta Looms

Pedro Martinez tossed 5 shutout innings this afternoon as the Mets beat the Astros 4-1. The Mets Magic # is now at 15.

Holy F Bombs, Batman

I had my turkey, where da cranberry sauce at?

LSU's offense answered the questions about them last night... by apparently punching the askers of those questions in the mouth. They beat the doubters with giant corn dog shaped clubs. 48 points & 598 yds. of offense on the other best defense in the country. Unfrickingbelievable.

I've never seen a Virgina Tech team "not want any." But on several occasion's VaTech's defense looked downright scared. All-American LBs Hall & Adibi looked like amateurs, which they are supposed to be but they look amateurish in that small town half-ass community theater sort of way.

Sean Glennon... oof... let's just say "he ain't good."

Now there'll probably be a portion of haters & dufii out there that will inevitably have cries of "Virginia Tech was way overrated" to downplay LSU's performance but that list of "Team X is 'overrated,' " is growing mightily by the day (Michigan, Notre Dame, Texas, Auburn, Hawai'i, etc.), so at some point somebody overrated has to be misrated or they just put in a bad performance (Texas, week 1?).

Lots of delicious schadenfreude to go around on Saturday- Bama's punt returner hot-dogging allowing the Vandy guy to push him out at the 1, Auburn losing to USF in OT (Hey, WarChickens, if Auburn would've won would y'all have blamed USF's kicker for missing 4 FGs like when y'all boo-hooed over Vaughn missing 5 3 yrs. ago vs. LSU? Waaaaaaaaah), Da U getting Da Shit beat out Dem by OU & VaTech's vaunted defense made to look like Polish World War II cavalry versus Panzers.

The Big Ten continues to look majorly weak this year, Michigan looks like they've already quit on the year, Ohio St. only beat their powder puff by 18, Wisconsin struggled out in Vegas & Notre Dame looked downright pathetic again against Penn St. Yes, I know Notre Dame isn't in the Big Teneleven but they should be so I could then call it the Big Tentwelve. Or Big 12-2, Big 12B, Big 10(12), etc.

Next up for Da Tigaaaaaaahs, Middle Tennessee St. & let down alerts. While I don't expect them to lose against Middle Tennessee obviously, now is not the time for LSU to start basking in
their limelight or results, so strap it on, back to business on monday & let's end up treating Middle Tennessee like the I-A bottom of the barrel fungus they are!

P.S. Also really enjoyed the Ryan Perillucks Tim Tebow fake run pass for a TD. Ohhhhh snap we gots our Tim Tebow in Da House.

P.S.S. For a crappy running back, The White Rhino, Jacob Hester, is the fricking man.

Tasty Nuggets, Edition 2

Bama -4 at Vanderbilt- The Opelika Oracle, a fictional newspaper, has already awarded Nick Saban & Bama a 13th National Title after Bama's 52-6 blowout over Western Carolina in their opener. Jerry DeWitt, writer, said to be channeling Paul Bear Bryant, said "What? A woman & a black man running for president? Interesting." Now the Crimson Tide goes into Opryland to face Steve Martin's Commodores. With Nicole Richie having legal troubles & rehab issues, this will no doubt be a distraction for the Commodores.... B/c Lionel Richie used to be in the Commodores? Get it? Alabama 27, Vanderbilt 21, National Titles 13, no wait the Paul Bear Bryant Junior High paper just awarded another one, 14...

Saban does it all for the nookie,
so we can have that cookie

Auburn - 7 over USF- Staying in the state of Hell, the Wartigersmen move on from their lackluster performance against K St. to baatle upstart USF, which is not the University of San Francisco. USF gave West Virginia all sorts of trouble in their upset of them last year, so don't think USF will be awed by SEC speed. In fact, they'll make another upset bid in this one but Al Forde will save the day yet again for Auburn when on review of a play for a spot on 3rd & inches, mysteriously awards 14 points to Auburn. Don't look past the Bulls, Plaintigereagles. Technically speaking USF is #35 in the AP Poll, if those things matter to you. Auburn 26, USF 14

Interesting spelling of "Tigers," Auburn's mascot

Boise St. -3 over Wazzou- Boise even without, Dr. Z will have enough weapons to handle Wazzou. In fact, they may still put plenty of points up the Wazzou. Ok, Boise, you made noise for several years, you wanna be treated like big time, go out & beat Wazzou. On the way home stop at the Acme Vacuum Company in Walla Walla, Washington. Boise St. 31, Wazzou 21

Walla Walla county gonna make you Holla Holla

Troy + 27 at Florida- Think I've found the early season pony to ride until they toss me- Troy. 4 TD spread & NCAA 08 had the UF-Troy game come out UF 28, Troy 7. Works for me. Tim Tebow cures tuberculosis in the 3rd quarter. Florida 28, Troy 7

Tim Tebow's cure for tuberculosis is costly... as in your sexuality

Virginia Tech +13 LSU- Ok, if Vegas hands out an opening line of +13 on this game, I want that one. I mean if I were to still bet online & put in a bet, unlike the track, you get the line at time of purchase not at post time. So my imaginary bookie took the opening line of +13. Anybody for some flightless bird on saturday? Dupuy? Get the fryer ready for some fried turkey. 2 more things: 1. There's a dance called the Hokey Pokey. I ran across a blog response that mentioned that Michael Vick is now the Hokey IN the Pokey. That's gold, Jerry... Gold! 2. Despite the tragedy at VaTech, that does not preclude me from reminding all once again that the skin on Frank Beamer's neck was grafted from ass. As in but-tocks. LSU 20, Virginia Tech 13

Michael Vick's interesting mug shot

Michigan -6 over Oregon- Want to see a lot of p.o'd Left Coasters? Go try & cut some trees down. After that, what will cause Left Coasters to moan in self-pity is when Michigan bounces back to knock off the Ducks. How do I know that's going to happen? B/c if Michiganh! loses to the Ducks, Carr's gone. So he'll have the Wolverines motivated to go on saturday. Never underestimate a weasly man with his livelihood on the line. Michigan 31, Oregon 24

Lloyd Carr will not answer anymore questions about
Appalachian St.!!!

TCU +9 vs. Texas- Despite TCU now being a mid-major, this game will harken back to days of yore. Those ancient days when Reagan was president & there was still a SWC. Back in the olden days when wishbones & option I offenses still littered the plains & dust bowls of Texas & the Great Plains. Other than that, place the obligatory sexual innuendo about the Horned Frogs & you got yourself an upset sammich waiting to happen. Can TCU knock of UT like they did OU? OU didn't know? You betta ask somebody... TCU 24, Texas 23

All the colors of the P.C. Rainbow can be Horny Toads

UNLV +25 vs. Wisconsin- Ok, riddle me this Batmen... why would you send kids to Vegas in the beginning of the season? I have images of the part in Pinocchio where Pinocchio visits the carnival island where there's no parents or rules & he gets in all sorts of trouble. Sending a decent team with young men TO Vegas can't be a good thing. Not with 4 scores to cover. Don't let BadgerBadgerBadger hanging 42 on Wazzou fool you either. Wisconsin 31, UNLV 17

Pinocchio & the Cheese-eatin' Lutherans from
Wisconsin, beware the temptations of Vegas

BYU +8.5 vs. UCLA- Pac10 wimpy bias pick in this one. Mormons, no caffeine, Big Love, Jesus' 2nd, no 3rd, no 2nd coming? Who knows, who cares? UCLA 34, BYU 28

Brigham Young demands BYU play well
against the fornicators & caffeine drinkers
of UCLA

UAB +33.5 vs. FSU- Call me a sucker but unless Drew Weatherford gets might good over this past week, FSU won't beat UAB by 33.5. I might be a sucker but Drew Weatherford is "teh suck." Or maybe he's just inheriting Charlie Whitehurst's overrated ACC piece of crap QB mantle. Or I could be totally wrong... about the pick, b/c Charlie Whitehurst & Drew Weatherford are/were definitely overrated pieces of crap. FSU 34, UAB 14

Pac-Man says, "Drew Weatherford, suckz!"

Something Mississippi State Might Win

The Lowsman, which I have just discovered. Awesome. Except I resent the fact as an LSU fan people are only talking about Henig's 6 INTs. Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllo, he also fumbled on a 4th & 2 thank you, very little. Giving us 7 turnovers.

I'm With You, Michael Lewis!

A Wall Street Trader Draws Some Subprime Lessons: Michael Lewis

By Michael Lewis

Sept. 5 (Bloomberg) -- So right after the Bear Stearns funds blew up, I had a thought: This is what happens when you lend money to poor people.

Don't get me wrong: I have nothing personally against the poor. To my knowledge, I have nothing personally to do with the poor at all. It's not personal when a guy cuts your grass: that's business. He does what you say, you pay him. But you don't pay him in advance: That would be finance. And finance is one thing you should never engage in with the poor. (By poor, I mean anyone who the SEC wouldn't allow to invest in my hedge fund.)

That's the biggest lesson I've learned from the subprime crisis. Along the way, as these people have torpedoed my portfolio, I had some other thoughts about the poor. I'll share them with you.

1) They're masters of public relations.

I had no idea how my open-handedness could be made to look, after the fact. At the time I bought the subprime portfolio I thought: This is sort of like my way of giving something back. I didn't expect a profile in Philanthropy Today or anything like that. I mean, I bought at a discount. But I thought people would admire the Wall Street big shot who found a way to help the little guy. Sort of like a money doctor helping a sick person. Then the little guy wheels around and gives me this financial enema. And I'm the one who gets crap in the papers! Everyone feels sorry for the poor, and no one feels sorry for me. Even though it's my money! No good deed goes unpunished.

2) Poor people don't respect other people's money in the way money deserves to be respected.

Call me a romantic: I want everyone to have a shot at the American dream. Even people who haven't earned it. I did everything I could so that these schlubs could at least own their own place. The media is now making my generosity out to be some kind of scandal. Teaser rates weren't a scandal. Teaser rates were a sign of misplaced trust: I trusted these people to get their teams of lawyers to vet anything before they signed it. Turns out, if you're poor, you don't need to pay lawyers. You don't like the deal you just wave your hands in the air and moan about how poor you are. Then you default.

3) I've grown out of touch with ``poor culture.''

Hard to say when this happened; it might have been when I stopped flying commercial. Or maybe it was when I gave up the bleacher seats and got the suite. But the first rule in this business is to know the people you're in business with, and I broke it. People complain about the rich getting richer and the poor being left behind. Is it any wonder? Look at them! Did it ever occur to even one of them that they might pay me back by WORKING HARDER? I don't think so.

But as I say, it was my fault, for not studying the poor more closely before I lent them the money. When the only time you've ever seen a lion is in his cage in the zoo, you start thinking of him as a pet cat. You forget that he wants to eat you.

4) Our society is really, really hostile to success. At the same time it's shockingly indulgent of poor people.

A Republican president now wants to bail them out! I have a different solution. Debtors' prison is obviously a little too retro, and besides that it would just use more taxpayers' money. But the poor could work off their debts. All over Greenwich I see lawns to be mowed, houses to be painted, sports cars to be tuned up. Some of these poor people must have skills. The ones that don't could be trained to do some of the less skilled labor -- say, working as clowns at rich kids' birthday parties. They could even have an act: put them in clown suits and see how many can be stuffed into a Maybach. It'd be like the circus, only better.

Transporting entire neighborhoods of poor people to upper Manhattan and lower Connecticut might seem impractical. It's not: Mexico does this sort of thing routinely. And in the long run it might be for the good of poor people. If the consequences were more serious, maybe they wouldn't stay poor.

5) I think it's time we all become more realistic about letting the poor anywhere near Wall Street.

Lending money to poor countries was a bad idea: Does it make any more sense to lend money to poor people? They don't even have mineral rights!

There's a reason the rich aren't getting richer as fast as they should: they keep getting tangled up with the poor. It's unrealistic to say that Wall Street should cut itself off entirely from poor -- or, if you will, ``mainstream'' -- culture. As I say, I'll still do business with the masses. But I'll only engage in their finances if they can clump themselves together into a semblance of a rich person. I'll still accept pension fund money, for example. (Nothing under $50 million, please.) And I'm willing to finance the purchase of entire companies staffed basically with poor people. I did deals with Milken, before they broke him. I own some Blackstone. (Hang tough, Steve!)

But never again will I go one-on-one again with poor people. They're sharks.

(Michael Lewis is the author, most recently of ``The Blind Side,'' and is a columnist for Bloomberg News. The views he expresses are his own.)

To contact the writer of this column: Michael Lewis in Berkeley, California, at mlewis1@bloomberg.net .

Sundry Sport Tidbit Type Things

The Mets rested several players last night & got dropped 7-zip by the Reds. John Maine picked up the loss & drops to 14-9.

With the Braves & Phillies beating up on each other, the Mets lead is back to 5 games in the East & their magic number is 19. Fucking magic!

Arsenal has started brightly in their EPL campaign with 3 wins & a draw in their 1st 4 matches. The only points dropped so far was to Blackburn on Jens Lehmann's goalkeeping gaffe gifting Blackburn the tying goal.

The young Arsenal side so far are showing much more determination on the pitch in their initial games than they have in previous seasons especially against the like of physical sides such as Blackburn. They're also getting more goals from midfield which is definitely a good thing. Bodes well for them this season as they seek to better their 2 consecutive "disappointing" 4th place EPL finishes.

Where Were The Burning Couches?

I ain't is no smart enuff to to figur out how to embed this here video:

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/ver/237/popup/index.php?cl=3961197

But watch for the West Virginia Mountaineer tent in the clip! Were they the ones who initiated the fracas (pronounced the English way, "fray-kah")?!?!!

"Hey you Labor Day revelers! No burning coaches on San Diego beaches! Throwing trash at us, eh? Sandoval, hand me my paintball gun, ASAP!"

Saturday Night Forecast For Virginia Tech: Blood And Thunder

LSU's Defense is bringing Blood & Thunder to wreak havoc on Sean Glennon!



This ivory leg is what propels me
Harpoons thrust in the sky
Aim directly for his crooked brow
And look him straight in the eye

Obviously what happened at Virginia Tech in the spring is a tragedy but there'll be No Remorse for Virginia Tech on Saturday night in Tiger Stadium!



No mercy for what we're doing
No thought to even what we've done
We don't need to feel the sorrow
No remorse for the helpless one

Roll The R, Pedrrrrrrrrrrrrro Martinez Returns For The Mets

Pedro Martinez returned to the Mets' rotation yesterday going 5 innings & allowing 3 runs, 2 earned on 5 hits. This can only be a good thing for the Mets. Pedro doesn't even have to be the Mets' Ace, but he if he can give them another consistent starter, with the Mets bats starting come alive lately, this could be the jolt the mets need for the playoff stretch & playoffs.

Mets have hung double digits in both Reds games so far winning 10-4, good buddy, yesterday & 11-7 tonight with Paul LoDuca bagging 7 RBIs. Yes RBIs with the 's.' RBI as plural sounds stupid to me, so instead of thinking of it in terms of "runs batted in" & ergo "RBI", I think of it as "RBI" is the word giving you the plural of RBIs. Eat it, if you don't like it.

After Dinner Mints 1B

Clemson +3.5 vs. Florida St.
Clemson 24, Florida St. 18
SU= Won; ATS= Won
Yes, I need a mint after watching Drew Weatherford. Ew, tastes like caca. Jimbo Fisher proved that he is not an instant magic elixir to fix that utter shamockery that Florida St. calls "offense." [Insert offense = offensive cliche joke here] C.J. Spiller is wicked fast, we knew that but what was up with Clemson's playcalling near the end? Run the freaking ball & either burn clock and/or force FSU to burn timeouts.

So with the Labor Day Bowden Bowl wrapped up Chuckles the Angry Wolf finishes 8-2 SU, 6-4 ATS with the Week 1 Tasty Nuggets which as always were delicious...