USF +7 vs. West Virginia- I could bandwagon & steal a reference that USF is using for their game tonight- "Bulls On Parade," but for all his innovative noise style of soloing, TOm Morello of Rage Against The Machine's riffs are sometimes excruciately similiar. So instwad I'll use THe RUnning of the Bulls in Pamplona reference. Which makes Slaton, White & Noel Devine the runners & the Bulls of USF, well, duh, the Bulls. Back-to-back "upsets for USF but I'm unsure if Goudeau makes the box cover of The Running this year. USF 27, West Virginia 25
Arizona St. -14.5 over Stanford- Ok, stay with me here's a short lesson in what is known as synchronicity: Kevin Bacon's last name is obviously Bacon which takes heat to cook. There is plenty of heat in Hell which is where the Devil lives. The Devils are ASU's mascot. The Devil is King Dubya Bush who's Secretary of State is Condoleeza Rice who went to Stanford. Stanford is also where Bill & Hillieary Clinton's daughter Chelsea goes/went to school.
So Stanford has close connections with both the current & most recent former Presidents who have both been accused of telling lies in America. Now, Telling Lies In America was a movie starring... you guessed it... Kevin Bacon. ASU 35, Stanford 20
Auburn +18.5 vs. Florida- Strictly a numbers play. 3 score road underdog in the SEC for a team that was supposed to be pretty good. Now being away from Auburn there will probably be no fieldhouses burned down or strange replay calls overturned by Al Forde. Although it would be interesting to see if T*m T*b*w's power could trump the Masonic-like authority of SEC referee good ol' boy empire. Florida 34, Auburn 21
Bama +2.5 vs. FSU- Wow.... this battel is like wathcing amtachup between Hell (Bama) & Dis (FSU). Dis is the city in Hell from Inferno for you MBA types who might've skipped a medium level or above lit class. Now, I know Tallahassee isn't a city in Hell (Bama) but both Hell (Bama) & DIs (Tallahassee) are both "The Suck" which is a waterbody feature located in Alabama. Which sucks. Or something. I got alittle confused there for a second... Bama 20, FSU 17
LSU -40 over Tulane- Is LSU trying to get on TLC's What Not To Wear show? B/c those benefit uniforms they'll be wearing this saturday are utterly atrocious looking. Stacy & Clinton would throw those duds out in a New York minute. Although I guess you can wear whatever you want when Tulane will be starting a 3rd string QB in a move that nis not only desperate but nepotism. Bah, dat Scelfo at QB is da lil' boy o' da coach, Scelfo. LSU 45, Tulane 0
Louisville -8 over NC State- Even though I'd like to pick my angry wolfpack cousins at NC State in this one, the recent dismal of famed lobster & townie girl lovin' Willie Williams from L'ville's team will have the Redbirds fired up for this one. "And the last thing he [Ol' Willie] said to me, 'Coach Krags [Kragthorpe], 'sometime when the team is up against the po-po and the law are beating the boyz, tell them to go out there & smoke all the blunts they got & win just one for the Willster.' " Lousiville 38, NC State 28
Troy -12.5 over Louisiana-Monroe- Louisiana-Monroe's abbreviation is ULM. Ulm is a city in Germany. That has nothing to do with anything except that's all I could come up with for this pick. Oh, that & my mom went to ULM except back in those days it was called "Northeast Lousiana University," or NLU which is NOT a city in Germany. Troy 31, ULM 17
Penn St. -3 at Illinois- Oh snicka snap, the ZOOKster making the Nuggets for the 1st time this year! If nothing more than I can make a stupid reference off his name. Will Penn St. lose to the good recruiting, fratboy fight picking, ill-executed bubble screen calling [name redacted]ster? You betta ask somebody. Click clack? Aw hell naw, Zook zack... almost. Penn St. 24, Illernoise 20
Oregon -4.5 over Cal- Hippie Bowl. No, relax, Jake, not that kind of 'bowl.' I'll be blunt in this pick.... what? No, relax, Jake, not that kind of 'blunt.' The winner in this win will be the 2nd most dope in the Pac10 next to USC. What? No, relax, Jake, not that kind of 'dope.' Oregon 42, Cal 38, 2OT
Clemson -3 at Georgia Tech- Hey, riddle me this- if Boise can have a blue field, why can't Clemson have an orange field? THey should do that. The could rename it the Orange Grove & relinquish any claim to the "Death Valley" nomenclature. What? You expected to get an episode of the nuggets w/o me being sesquipedalian least once? Yes, I know this game is in Hotlanta.... so why doesn't GaTech have a gold field then?... They could get Sting to do Fields of Gold as the theme song... then of course Sting could visit the sororities & drop his 7-hour tantric lovemaking sessions on dem lasses. Ok, I'm ramblin'... a ramblin' wreck, so to speak... Enough punage pwnage? Clemson 33, Georgia Tech 24