Tasty Nuggets, Edition 3

After getting hammered like Ted Kennedy in a gin distillery last week it's time again to pretend I know what I'm talking about & faking it good enough to sound just like da people on ESPN who know just as little but are on da ESPN like Tigah Wooooods & his dadday.

Week 2 Quick Review:

Virginia Tech +13 vs. LSU Won/Lost/Lost (Hurrah! Glad I was that wrong)

Bama -4 over Vandy, Won/Won

Auburn - 7 over USF, Lost/Lost

Boise St. -3 over Washington, Lost/Lost

Troy +27 vs. FLorida, Won/Lost

Michigan -6 over Oregon, Lost/Lost

TCU +9 vs. Texas, Lost/Lost (Didn't realize they were ESPN's "sexy" pick of the week otherwise I'd've taken Texas)

UNLV +25 vs. Wisconsin, Won/Won

BYU +8.5 vs. UCLA, Won/Lost

UAB + 33.5 vs. FSU, Won/Won

Weekly Record:

SU: 6-4

ATS: 3-7

LOW 0-1

Season Record:

SU: 14-6 (. 700)

ATS: 9-11 (.450) 1st time under .500 vs ATS in 3 1/2 years, I think

LOW: 1-1 (.500)

TCU -8 over Air Force- Horned Frogs will bounce back against Air Force as the Academy are the underfalcons, I mean the udnerdogs in this one. The only reason TCU played so poorly against is they were ESPN's upset special sexy pick last week which was a sure kiss of death. Oh yeah well that & b/c Texas is still a pretty good despite struggling in their 1st game. Has Air Force finally abandoned the triple option? Not a good idea with all those slow white guys, eh, FIsher DeBerry? TCU 27, Air Foce 13

Other people's sexy picks kill you every time...

Arkansas +3.5 at Bama- Saban's honeymoon ends. One of the 14 national title awards ready to go will be trashed but Bammers will still enjoy their Crimson solipsism regardless, so who cares? "Arkansas ain't done got no QB," they say. Well they still have Casey Dick who is no doubt a Dick, he almost led an upset of LSU 2 yrs. ago, so maybe Roscoe P. Nutt can find some voodoo witchy woman for some gris-gris to drop on Bama. Arkansas 24, Bama 17

Earlene, you done said Saban was as good as The Bear!

Auburn -13 over Mississippi St.- Hey, if Auburn's going to keep struggling when I pick 'em, in the long run, fine with me since dem WarChickens can go fly around & poop on Saban for all I care. I don't give a hoot which is made by owls & owls have nothing to do with WarChickens except I hit an owl with a car last year & da sumb1tch lived, so they some tough birds. Auburn 31, Mississippi St. 14

The Owls have spotted you... you're screwed, WarChickens

Colorado +4 vs. Florida St.- Interesting game since it involves two I-A football teams, bruther. It ain't intermurals. I don't know why but I smell an upset in this one.... although would it really be an upset if Colorado beat FSU in Boulder? Colorado 27, Florida St. 21

FSU offense... maybe it IS like intermurals...

Middle Tennessee +42 vs. LSU- I ain't ready to drink the kool-aid just yet. Yes, LSU looked like world beaters last saturday as my neighbors can no doubt attest. They can probably tell you who the White Rhino is since I screamed it enough. TO hell with the neighbors though, they should've been more friendly anywho. But I'm not ready to drink the kool-aid just yet since I need to see if LSU's performance was top 10%er or it's going to be a average Bell Curve performance. Make me a believer, Mr. Flynn!!! LSU 42, Middle Tennessee 10

LSU Football +2 standard deviation or a mean score last week?

Kentucky +6.5 vs. Louisville- 1st of the Mid-Major powers fall this week. Depending on what happends & if teams knock each other off, Kentucky has a dark horse shot to win the East. Believe it. Although this game would be even awesomer if they had a halftime battle between who had the better horses, Lexington or Louisville. Hyaw!.. Louisville will lose to the 1st team that remotely has any sort of defense. Kentucky 34, Louisville 31

Dark Horse, starring Kentucky

Michigan -7.5 vs. Notre Dame- Seriously, people think Notre Dame has a shot in this one? Notre Dame has -8 yards rushing on the year. Yes, you read that right. Notre Dame has ZERO offensive TDs this year. You read that correctly too. Notre Dame's only TD has come on an oskie return. Yes, Michigan is 0-2, yes, they're playing w/o Henne but this may be a good thing for Michigan actually since Henne has look hesitant for the last year & half anyway. W/o the meddling spirits of Touchdown Jeebus & the Golden Dome Illimunati, Emu Clausen will have a nice game but nice is for nieces & kindergartens... P.S. TOM ZBIKOWSKI IS THE SINGLE MOST OVERRATED PLAYER IN THE COUNTRY. PERIOD. Michigan 24, Notre Dame 13

Overrated, a biography on Charlie Weis.

Texas -19 over UCF- What's better? Austin City Limits or Disney World? Exactly, Austin City Limits. Gee, watch Stevie Ray Vaughn's performance from a 1984 Austin City Limits or stand in line for 2 hours with a bunch of snot nose brats? Duh. Texas 35, UCF 10

SRV > Disney World

USC -10 over Nebraska- I dunno, this game just reeks of blowout to me. USC will be out to stop the burgeoning "LSU is a werewolf with a chainsaw for a hoo-ha" talk & Nebraska has struggled, especially Sam Keller who has 2 TDs & 3 INTs & will be facing a defense far better than the previous 2 he has faced. Wait, what am I doing? Real football anaylsis? WTF? Ok, ok, Condoms with swords will slice the Cornhuskers & shuck them from their husks & eat them before moving on to slay Christians in the Coliseum while everybody drinks wine & shtoops everything in the Roman way. Boy dose, Romans were some randy cusses. USC 38, Nebraska 17

Even the pope likes the Trojans in this game

Tennessee +7.5 vs. Florida- I'm probably completely wrong but you should definitely stop at the 2nd partaking of yuccus (sp?). Unlike Tebow who can just live & play off pure desire & the hopes & prayers of Gator Nation, I can't. That yuccus will give you a major 3 day hangover & that as they say in Russia is "teh suck." And of course Tebow will eat Fulmer's donuts & Fulmer is still a phat phuck. Battle to see which shade of Orange is the least 5uckest. Florida 35, Tennessee 31 (2OT)

Orange, it's not just for citrus anymore...

I don't have a poll or tiers this week b/c frankly, I don't wanna. You wanna poll, go fishin'.