Tasty Nuggets, Edition 2

Bama -4 at Vanderbilt- The Opelika Oracle, a fictional newspaper, has already awarded Nick Saban & Bama a 13th National Title after Bama's 52-6 blowout over Western Carolina in their opener. Jerry DeWitt, writer, said to be channeling Paul Bear Bryant, said "What? A woman & a black man running for president? Interesting." Now the Crimson Tide goes into Opryland to face Steve Martin's Commodores. With Nicole Richie having legal troubles & rehab issues, this will no doubt be a distraction for the Commodores.... B/c Lionel Richie used to be in the Commodores? Get it? Alabama 27, Vanderbilt 21, National Titles 13, no wait the Paul Bear Bryant Junior High paper just awarded another one, 14...

Saban does it all for the nookie,
so we can have that cookie

Auburn - 7 over USF- Staying in the state of Hell, the Wartigersmen move on from their lackluster performance against K St. to baatle upstart USF, which is not the University of San Francisco. USF gave West Virginia all sorts of trouble in their upset of them last year, so don't think USF will be awed by SEC speed. In fact, they'll make another upset bid in this one but Al Forde will save the day yet again for Auburn when on review of a play for a spot on 3rd & inches, mysteriously awards 14 points to Auburn. Don't look past the Bulls, Plaintigereagles. Technically speaking USF is #35 in the AP Poll, if those things matter to you. Auburn 26, USF 14

Interesting spelling of "Tigers," Auburn's mascot

Boise St. -3 over Wazzou- Boise even without, Dr. Z will have enough weapons to handle Wazzou. In fact, they may still put plenty of points up the Wazzou. Ok, Boise, you made noise for several years, you wanna be treated like big time, go out & beat Wazzou. On the way home stop at the Acme Vacuum Company in Walla Walla, Washington. Boise St. 31, Wazzou 21

Walla Walla county gonna make you Holla Holla

Troy + 27 at Florida- Think I've found the early season pony to ride until they toss me- Troy. 4 TD spread & NCAA 08 had the UF-Troy game come out UF 28, Troy 7. Works for me. Tim Tebow cures tuberculosis in the 3rd quarter. Florida 28, Troy 7

Tim Tebow's cure for tuberculosis is costly... as in your sexuality

Virginia Tech +13 LSU- Ok, if Vegas hands out an opening line of +13 on this game, I want that one. I mean if I were to still bet online & put in a bet, unlike the track, you get the line at time of purchase not at post time. So my imaginary bookie took the opening line of +13. Anybody for some flightless bird on saturday? Dupuy? Get the fryer ready for some fried turkey. 2 more things: 1. There's a dance called the Hokey Pokey. I ran across a blog response that mentioned that Michael Vick is now the Hokey IN the Pokey. That's gold, Jerry... Gold! 2. Despite the tragedy at VaTech, that does not preclude me from reminding all once again that the skin on Frank Beamer's neck was grafted from ass. As in but-tocks. LSU 20, Virginia Tech 13

Michael Vick's interesting mug shot

Michigan -6 over Oregon- Want to see a lot of p.o'd Left Coasters? Go try & cut some trees down. After that, what will cause Left Coasters to moan in self-pity is when Michigan bounces back to knock off the Ducks. How do I know that's going to happen? B/c if Michiganh! loses to the Ducks, Carr's gone. So he'll have the Wolverines motivated to go on saturday. Never underestimate a weasly man with his livelihood on the line. Michigan 31, Oregon 24

Lloyd Carr will not answer anymore questions about
Appalachian St.!!!

TCU +9 vs. Texas- Despite TCU now being a mid-major, this game will harken back to days of yore. Those ancient days when Reagan was president & there was still a SWC. Back in the olden days when wishbones & option I offenses still littered the plains & dust bowls of Texas & the Great Plains. Other than that, place the obligatory sexual innuendo about the Horned Frogs & you got yourself an upset sammich waiting to happen. Can TCU knock of UT like they did OU? OU didn't know? You betta ask somebody... TCU 24, Texas 23

All the colors of the P.C. Rainbow can be Horny Toads

UNLV +25 vs. Wisconsin- Ok, riddle me this Batmen... why would you send kids to Vegas in the beginning of the season? I have images of the part in Pinocchio where Pinocchio visits the carnival island where there's no parents or rules & he gets in all sorts of trouble. Sending a decent team with young men TO Vegas can't be a good thing. Not with 4 scores to cover. Don't let BadgerBadgerBadger hanging 42 on Wazzou fool you either. Wisconsin 31, UNLV 17

Pinocchio & the Cheese-eatin' Lutherans from
Wisconsin, beware the temptations of Vegas

BYU +8.5 vs. UCLA- Pac10 wimpy bias pick in this one. Mormons, no caffeine, Big Love, Jesus' 2nd, no 3rd, no 2nd coming? Who knows, who cares? UCLA 34, BYU 28

Brigham Young demands BYU play well
against the fornicators & caffeine drinkers
of UCLA

UAB +33.5 vs. FSU- Call me a sucker but unless Drew Weatherford gets might good over this past week, FSU won't beat UAB by 33.5. I might be a sucker but Drew Weatherford is "teh suck." Or maybe he's just inheriting Charlie Whitehurst's overrated ACC piece of crap QB mantle. Or I could be totally wrong... about the pick, b/c Charlie Whitehurst & Drew Weatherford are/were definitely overrated pieces of crap. FSU 34, UAB 14

Pac-Man says, "Drew Weatherford, suckz!"