Tasty Nuggets, Week 4

Ouch! The Tasty Nuggest have been

almost as bad as THESE Nuggets!

Texas A&M +3 vs. Miami (FL)- Even though this game is being played in the Orange Bowl or "Da OB" as the kidz call it, & we all know Aggies have serious trouble exiting rounded structures, I tihnk the Aggies can pull off the upset in Da OB. How so, you say? Well Aggies are obviously good at agriculture since it's what they study, so they'll no doubt have some choice chronic grown in the hydroponics lab specially for this game in Da OB. While all Da Hurricanes is gettins all crunk/crönk the bulldozer known as Javorskie Lane will plow lanes & holes in Da U's D in Da OB enough for A&M to control the clock. Believe dat. Texas A&M 21, Miami (FL) 19

Da U don't scare U?

Georgia +3.5 at Bama- Yeaaaaaah, dat 1/2 pt. got yo azz didn't it Saban? It gonna gitchoo again dis week, sucka! In fact, Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sound Machine had that song saying the same thing. Remember? "Come on Saban, baby, do that conga, you know oyu can't control yo body any longer. The 1/2 pt. is gonna get you tonight! The 1/2 pt. is gonna get you, the 1/2 pt. is gonna get you, the 1/2 pt. is gonna get you tonight!" Or something like that... What do you want from me, I listen to metal! Georgia 27, Bama 16

Does Saban have time for THIS shit?

Kentucky +6.5 vs. Arkansas- Same thing as above, pick the same team with the same line from last week. Humanity Advanced will probably rip off 200 in this game if he can shake off the cobwebs of being concussed last week. I like the word concussed. It should mean "against cussing," but it doesn't. "con-" means "against as in contrary, "cussed" is the past tense of cussing. See? It should mean "against cussing," but it doesn't. English is so confusing sometimes. Kentucky 34, Arkansas 30

Concussion, it's a way of life

Florida -21 over Ole P1ss- Woo! How silly of a game did The Chose One have last week? Just silly. I admit I was hoping for a Prothro there in the 4th quarter when Tebow was playing bulldozer running it up 52-20 but hey you can't always get what you want. No, you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you find, you might just get what you ne-e-ed! Yeah! Anyway, hopefully like all Messiahs, eventually Tebow will be put down by an angry mob & executed. Although when your hyawhyawhyawhyaw, Baby Jebus' Co-Pilot, you can do whatever you want it seems. PS, GO TO HELL OLE MISS! Florida 45, Ole Miss 17

Tebow is Jesus' Co-Pilot... look it up.

Georgia Tech -3 over Virginia- I don't know. I was going to make some drivel about Georgia Tech being the Yellow Jackets & Virginia once beat back the Red Coats & try & tie in some Revolutionary War reference but I can't get it formulated in my head correctly. So I give you this instead, completely off the top of my head- Once upon a time there was a boy who dreamed of playing ball in the ACC. But his parents were perplexed b/c they were unsure of which "ball" he meant, you see. The ACC is a basketball conference traditionally, so they implored him, "Bartholomew Mephistopholes Washington! Which 'ball' do you mean, child?! Basketball or football?!" BMW, as he was known on ther playground, replied, "No momma, no daddy, I want to ball like on Dancing With Stars!" Just then his daddy took a switch to his backside & BMW ended up going on to work in an office like the rest of us schmucks. The end. Georgia Tech 24, Virginia 15

BMW, do you like movies about gladiators?

LSU -16.5 over South Carolina- Woo! Kool-Aid time, oh yeah! Move over Tommy Tuberville, there's a new Riverboat Gambler in the SEC, Ryan Perrilloux! Get it? Riverboat Gambler? Bwaha, I slay me. With the OBC coming into Tiger Stadium, a lot of the LSU faithful including the portion of Tigah Nation known as The Rantards are frothing at the mouth to hand Spurrier his tail for all the backside whippins he handed out as a Gators coach. Although with a QB that vaguely resembles, Jacques Goudeau pre-head shaved, I aint skerrrrrrrrrrrrrrred of the Chickens! Hahahaha I stayed away from the obligatory "member" references. LSU 27, South Carolina 10

There's only one TRUE Riverboat Gambler

Notre Dame +13.5 vs. Michigan St.- I'm only picking this in hopes that that radio guy from MSU has another epic meltdown on the air. "Make playz! Make playz!," "I'm tiiiiired of it... I'm tiiiired." But I also wouldn't mind Notre Dame losing again on the way to a possibly 0-8 start look at their schedule (once again, please pronounced this in that fancy-pantsed English manner). That Mike radio guy has an almost coronary but Sparty bludgeons the Emu near the end to save the day. "This! Is! East Lansing!" Get it? 300 reference. Sparta? Bueller? Hello? P.S. ZBIKOWSKI IS THE SINGLE MOST OVERRATED PLAYER IN THE COUNTRY. PERIOD. Michigan St. 20, Notre Dame 14

No, no, fellas. Wrong kind of play.

Michigan +2.5 vs. Penn St.- Yeah, yeah, yeah, Appalachian St, Oregon Ducks, woopty do. Analysis, matchups, blah blah blah. Michigan will win this game strictly to mess & muddy the Big Ten picture & throw huge monkey wrenches in the BCS later on as well. But Michigan doesn't want to be your monkey wrench.... fall in, fall out.... Michigan 28, Penn St. 26

Michigan's Foo Fightin' Monkey

USC -24.5 over Washington St.- Again, ride USC till they throw you. Or keep picking them in hopes they don't cover & somehow lose. Anti-pick, so to speak. Besides LSU is going to beat USC this weekend anyway, so why we would play them a 2nd time later in the year. Get it? USC? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. USC 45, Washington St. 20

Any excuse to show hot broads...

Washington +5.5 at UCLA- Boy I bet Ty Willingham laughs when he goes to bed every night this year. No, no, no, not at Charlie Weis. Willingham is a fiend for nitrous oxide. How do I know this? B/c I made it up, so you know it's true. Speaking of laugh, how bout dat 44-6 shellacking Utah laid on UCLA last week? WTF, mang? WTF? Ok, ok, maybe the Pac10 is AS tough as the SEC but when was the last time an SEC team lost to a mid major opponent by 5+ TDs??? Even including Mississippi St.? Waiting for the answer ESPNUSC... Washington 24, UCLA 18

Ty taunts Charlie Weis,
"score this many offensive TDs, Charlie"