Sean Avery Facts, Edition #5

81. Sean Avery once won a gold medal in every single Olympic event in both the summer & winter games.

82. When Hinduism refers to the Supreme Person having 16 parts, they are referring to Sean Avery.

83. Streetworkers don't actually use jack hammers to breakup concrete, Sean Avery just punches it.

84. Sean Avery has lived 16 times before as: 1. Buddha, 2. Moses, 3. Jesus, 4. Richard the Lionheart, 5. William Wallace, 6. Charlemagne, 7. Julius Caesar, 8. Napoleon Bonaparte, 9. General Patton, 10. Alexander the Great, 11. Tutankhamen, 12. Achilles, 13. Michael Jordan, 14. Wayne Gretzky, 15. Babe Ruth & 16. Billy the Kid

85. Sean Avery was the 16th person to sign the Declaration of Independence.

86. Global warming is accelerated when Sean Avery gets pissed off.

87. Sean Avery built the Great Wall of China in 1916.

88. The U.S. Department of Sean Avery is a department started to trash talk to other crappy nations which includes all of them except for the U.S.

89. The U.S. Air Force didn't drop an atomic bomb on Hiroshima or Nagasaki in 1945. They dropped 2 water balloons filled with liquid distilled from Sean Avery's anger.

90. When something's strange in your neighborhood, don't call Ghostbusters, call Sean Avery.

91. The starship Enterprise boldly goes where no man has gone before but Sean Avery boldly pwns where no man has pwn3d before.

92. The 1st extraterrestrial message received & translated simply stated, "Sean Avery Rulez."

93. Sean Avery built the Great Pyramid at Giza in 16 B.C.

94. Sean Avery could fix the leaning tower of Pisa, he just doesn't feel like doing it.

95. Shooting 16 under par in golf is called "shooting a Sean Avery."

96. A 16 cent piece is called a Seanie

97. A Sean Avery stone of measurement is 16 lbs.

98. Seanuary is the 16th month of the year.

99. Averymas is a holy day that is celebrated on Seanuary 16th & is the holiest day of the year in Averyianity.

100. Sean Avery led the Averyites out of Egypt in 1616 B.C.

Rangers, Baby! Rangers!

New York Rangers look to tie up the series against the Buffalo Banana Slugs tonight after dropping their series opener on thursday night. Lesser drunkness will happen since I'll be watching the game by myself at home & only partaking of a few Abita Ambers since my mom's in town.

Good luck, Rangers!

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #4

61. Most people have 5 senses, lucky ones have 6th sense, but Sean Avery has 16 senses.

62. George W. Bush was not always the idiot some claim he is. Sean Avery bodychecked him once in a pickup hockey game & President Bush has never been the same since.

63. Sean Avery taught both Jimi Hendrix & Stevie Ray Vaughan how to play guitar.

64. Sean Avery has the 16th highest GNP (Gross National Product) in the world.

65. Adolf Hitler didn't commit suicide, Sean Avery killed him with a bodycheck.

66. Synthesized amino acids from Sean Avery can cure wimpiness.

67. The Pope takes orders from Sean Avery.

68. Sean Avery defeated Roy Jones, Jr. the only time they've ever fought.

69. Sean Avery was the 16th President of the United States.

70. It is impossible to look directly at Sean Avery. If you attempt it, he will check you.

71. The M-16 assault rifle was named after Sean Avery's number.

72. Sean Avery has 16 girlfriends whom are all hot.

73. Sean Avery was born in a Bethlehem manger 1600 years ago.

74. Sean Avery is the 16th richest person in the world.

75. Sean Avery has been elected mayor of his hometown 16 times.

76. Sean Avery invented sex so that the rest of us would have something to be happy about.

77. You can block a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick if you're Sean Avery.

78. Dynamite is made from Sean Avery's blood.

79. Sean Avery's sweat could provide for the US' energy needs for the next 16 centuries.

80. Sean Avery knows when you've been naughty or nice.

Ok, I'm Sober Now

So the post below was just the usual down in the dumps fueled by several beers & yet again not doing something I wanted to do (talk to lovely female that struck my fancy). I just get so frustrated sometimes for chickening out all the time & it's so difficult to do that alone that I get more frustrated when no one wants to be a wing man. Ah well, fuck it. It's not like that place won't be there that weekend & that that chick might be there again...

Much Disappointment Tonight...

The New York Rangers lost their 2nd round opener tonight 4-2, to the Buffalo Sabres. Except for the 1st 10 minutes or so in the opening period, the Sabres definitely lived up to their reputation of being faster & more aggressive in the offensive. The Rangers had a few chances early to get a lead on the Sabres but Ryan Miller played extremely well in net for the Sabres & only gave up 2 goals late on (goals by Hossa & Shanahan for the Rangers) when the game was already decided.

Rangers need to bounce back quickly & regain the aggressive style of play that got them past Atlanta.

Biggest disappointment of the night was seeing an utterly beautiful young lady of that olive skinned, possibly Mediterranean ancestry that I just get so easily & utterly smittened with, I mean she was absolutely gorgeous & I chickened out yet again in talking to somebody that I wanted to. I hate myself for consistenly doing this. I hate for not doing something I claimn to want to do & then backing out. I hate that I don't ever seem to get enough support from friends to ever want to be wingman enough to help me go talk to somebody. I'm tired of it. I'm fed up with it. I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired of myself. Fuck being "too young," she was drinking, she had to be at least 18! I'm 32. Who fucking cares? It's hard enough to meet people as it is & then we go & confine ourselves, restrict our options byu putting ourselves in these forced strategies... What the fuck am I supposed to look for? 28-32? 26-32? 24-32? 22-32? Fuck it all. I'm fed up. She was beautfiul, I wanted to talk to her. Why the fuck can't I ever bring myself to cross the threshold & take it upon myself to attempt that? The irony of which, I'm so confident of my abilities in every thing else save this- women. I'm tired of getting talked out of things like this, when my main motto in life is "most people are wrong, trust yourself."

I don't think people understand the depth of the loneliness of which I feel. It is so deep, I can't describe it. I have never dated anybody. I have never been in love & had it reciprocated, I have never made love. I was so drunk the couple times I think I had sex that I don't even recall if I even had sex. I am fed up. I am tired of it. I am so utterly lonely people can not comprehend it.

Where are you? Where are you, my love? The search is so daunting, so frustrating. FUCK! I want to make love to somebody. I hate having so much passion & desire & not having a proper outlet that it gets turned into anger & frustration.

My Mediterranean Beauty... if you go to Gainesville Ale House regularly on Wednesday nights, I swear to you, at some point, I will talk to you. Fuck everybody else. Fuck their self-inflicted constraints, fuck their advice. You were so lovely, you would inspire poetry, you would inspire art, you would inspire beauty... you do or did inspire them all... I am just too weak of mind & not enough of a real man to be courageous enough to be vulnerable & unscared of failure & rejection enough to approach you... For that, I hate myself...

Stinkin' Man U Stuns Milan With Rooney's Stoppage Time Winner

Blah blah blah. I hate Manchester United. I hate overrated bulldog-faced Wayne Rooney.

Goals:
Cristiano Ronaldo (MAN), 6'
Kaká (MIL), 22'
Kaká (MIL), 37'
Wayne Rooney (MAN), 59'
Wayne Rooney (MAN), 91'

http://home.skysports.com/matchreport.aspx?fxid=318832&channel=spain&cpid=5

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #3

41. Sean Avery lives in the 16th Dimension.

42. Sean Avery taught John Bonham how to play drums.

43. Black Sabbath wrote Sabbath Bloody Sabbath in honor of a Sean Avery performance on the Sabbath.

44. Sean Avery is Todd Fedoruk's daddy.

45. They say that 'no man is an island,' but Sean Avery is not a man, he's the Shiznit.

46. Sean Avery solved Pi.

47. The most famous Bible Verse is Avery 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Shiznit, Sean Avery."

48. Sean Avery ended the Cold War when he checked Russia on it's ass.

49. A Sean Avery guitar has 16 strings.

50. Sean Avery won Super Bowl XVI all by himself.

51. When Sean Avery messes with a bull, he does not get the horns, the bull gets the Shiznit.

52. In the field of Theoretical Shiznit Physics, the unifying element of the Universe is Sean Avery.

53. Sean Avery is the 16th planet of the Solar System.

54. One unit of Sean Avery length is 16 inches.

55. A Sean Avery style building has 16 floors & 16 columns.

56. When Sean Avery lived in Los Angeles it was called 'Los Averyes'

57. Sean Avery was not born, he spontaneously came into being after a massive check.

58. U.S. nuclear powered submarines are really powered by sweat taken from Sean Avery

59. We all exist at Sean Avery's whim.

60. Sean Avery has never lost a fight.

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #2

21. There is no Illimunati or New World Order. It is Sean Avery that secretly runs the world.

22. Sean Avery invented heavy metal.

23. Sean Avery ran the Moors out of Spain all by himself.

24. Sean Avery invented bodychecks.

25. The US Air Force's F-16 fighter is called The Fighting Sean Avery.

26. It takes 16 wins to win the Stanley Cup b/c Sean Avery's number is 16.

27. 4 is the square root of Sean Avery.

28. Tornadoes are caused from the turbulence of Sean Avery flipping the bird.

29. Joe Montana wore the number 16 for the 49ers only b/c Sean Avery let him.

30. The $16 bill has a picture of Sean Avery on it.

31. Sean Avery owns 16 Ferraris

32. Half of 32 is Sean Avery

33. Sean Avery was the 16th state admitted to the Union

34. Sean Avery was his prom's homecoming king 16 times

35. Sean Avery invented hockey

36. When the going get tough, the tough emulate Sean Avery

37. All your things are belong to Sean Avery

38. Avery, New York Ranger was a television show cancelled b/c of its' graphic content. Walker, Texas Ranger was the watered down version that was aired

39. Sean Avery has laughed in the face of Death 16 times

40. Sean Avery was the Pharoah of the 16th Egyptian Dynasty

Arsenal Ties Spurs 2-2 In North London Derby

(Chimbonda & Hleb fight for possesion; Photo courtesy of Skysports.com)

Again, I didn't see Arsenal's match this weekend against Spurs. Apparently we scored both of our goals from set pieces which is atypical of Arsenal. Arsenal had fallen behind Spurs 1-0 initially, which is typical of the Arsenal, from a 30th minute Robbie Keane goal. Arsenal knotted it up from a Kolo Toure header in the 64th, took the lead on an Adebayor header in the 78th before Spurs stole a point with a goal from Jermaine Jenas deep into stoppage time in the 95th minute.

Arsenal all but locks up 4th place in the Premiership & a Champions' League spot for next year despite the draw. They only need a solitary point from their final 3 matches to make it official. The Arsenal plays Fulham this saturday with the game supposed to be on Fox Soccer Channel.

(Huntelaar celebrates his goal; Photo courtesy of Ajax-USA.com)

Ajax meanwhile thrashed Sparta Rotterdam 5-2 on sunday to set up a 3-way tie at the top of the Eredivisie table with one match remaining. AZ Alkmaar, Ajax & PSV Eindhoven, respectively, all sit on 72 pts. but AZ leads b/c of goal difference. If all 3 pick up the same amount of points in next weekend's matches, AZ would become Holland's champion unless Ajax or PSV pull of extraordinary wins.

Ajax's goals against Sparta were scored by Wesley Sneijder in the 9th minute, Sneijder again in the 18th, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar in the 21st, Kenneth Perez from the spot on 75' & Nicolae Mitea in the 82nd minute. Sparta's consolation goals were scored by Rachid Bouaouzan & Iderlindo Moreno Freire in the 47th when the match was still in doubt.

(Ronaldo celebrates after scoring; Photo courtesy: Skysports.com)

Milan defeated Sardinian side Cagliari on sunday 3-1. Much maligned Ronaldo scored a brace with goals in the 14th & 69th minute. David Suazo had pulled Cagliari back into the match with a 74th minute PK before Andrea Pirlo put the match away with a goal in the 80th minute for Milan.

SWEEP!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw, 1st round Jester's dead! The New York Averys swept the Atlanta CNNovalchuks in 4 games! They completed their sweep on wednesday night with a 4-2 victory over a Thrashers team that play remarkedly better than in their previous game on tuesday night.

Update: Ok, ok, I slacked off over the weekend, so this article will be short & suck balls. Also, I was busy getting insulted by a message board douchebag from OTG, one of the few remaining ones. Wah, wah, my teeth are messed up, boo hoo, boo hoo. I do not know how I will possibly survive this slander thrown my way... perhaps it'll be the same remedy as always... a few beers & heaping bowl of-not-giving-a-shit.

The Rangers play the Buffalo Sabres in the 2nd round of the Stanley Cup playoffs beginning on thursday.

P.S. Thank you, Crepens, whomever ye be for holding my Sean Avery & personalized last name New York Rangers jerseys in mine condominium office...

Rangers Destroy Thrashers, 7-0. Go Up 3-0 In Series

Rangers tell Thrashers "Come back for more ass-whoopin' tomorrow night!"

Oh my word… what have I just witnessed? I’m not quite sure what I just witnessed but it was about as good a hockey game as I’ve ever seen the New York Rangers ever play. It was absolutely incredible from start to finish. Hitting, checking, skating, scoring, good goaltending, penalties, hits, getting scorers ejected, this game had it all except for “Girls Gone Wild,” but I digress…
Think the Mongols across the Russian steppe, Alexander through Asia Minor, Dump through an expletive rant filled with a year’s supply of “morons.” The Rangers started out the game with zest, zeal, jump in their step, determination, drive & other positive adjectives I can’t think of right now. From the opening faceoff until the end of the game save for a moment here & there, the Rangers played about as perfect a playoff game could be played.

The Madison Square Garden crowd expecting their 1st playoff win after a near decade long drought was rewarded & rewarded kindly. The 1st goal was scored by Michael Nylander after only 32 seconds into the game. Jaromir Jagr picked the puck up in the neutral zone, made a quick little nifty move to gain space, elude the Thrashers’ defense skating into the offensive zone, then slipping a pass to #92, biding his time & then ripping a nice wrist shot past Kari Let-one-in (Lehtonen). Good evening, how are you, 1-0 Rangers before the MSG crowd had even sat down.

And from there… it only got worse for the Atlanta Thrashers. The Rangers of new skated with purpose from there on out. They forechecked like demons, they harassed, harried, hurried, and were general nuisances in their offensive zone all night long. They found time, they found space, they found all the dimensions of the physical universe to their advantage. Nylander made it 2-0 after a slight scramble in front of Lehtonen, who in trying to kick clear a shot knocked it to Nylander who ripped another shot pass Kari with JJ causing trouble in front. 2-0, Rangers & the Thrashers on the back heel only 10 minutes in.

From there, the 1st period continued with the Rangers finding all the space they could ever want, dipsying, doodling & skating around like the Ice Capades with several rushes that had very skillful & almost taunting moves. Thomas Pöck had an especially exciting double move where he deked twice & looked to be on his way to a goal only to have his shot saved but had made 2 moves that made Atlanta defensemen look preposterously silly. For a split second it was like watching vintage Oilers circa 1984.

Marek Malik even got into the act walking in from the point & trying to pull of a spectacular backhand high shelf wrister that just missed but was rewarded several moments later when after more good board work from Jagr, the puck found it’s way to Nylander who dropped it to Duh-lik who launched a shot… and gosh darnit if it didn’t find it’s way in, 3-0 Rangers & I’m pounding beer to keep up with all the goals. The much maligned Marek Malik despite the year in, year out über +/- total, with only his 2nd career playoff goal. People are celebrating, woodland animals are clapping furry paws in approval & even Stealing Society let’s a smile creep across his face!The Rangers finish out the period strong albeit with a slight wobble & some penalties taken to end the initial period but all in all, from my point of view, the 1st period was probably the best overall period played by the Rangers in the entire season & one of the best periods I’ve seen any team play in a long, long time.

Marik Malik sings Deep Purple's "Smoke On The Water"

The 2nd period started out with Atlanta sort of taking the play to the Rangers but these are not the Rangers of recent memory. They stood their ground, rode out the patches of spotty play & steadily took the game’s flow back to the Thrashers. Atlanta continued their attempt at a more physical style of play but as in the previous 2 games, their attempts at hits only seemed to energize the Rangers & create lanes & space for Ranger scoring opportunities. Couple the Thrashers trying to play a hit-everything-that-moves style of play & an energized MSG crowd & it only was a recipe for disaster for Atlanta.

After the initial flurry at the start of the 2nd period, the Rangers, as stated above, slowly started to reassert their command over the game & continued their demon-like forechecking & neutral zone harassing & steady play in their defensive zone. The teams then traded powerplays & after a short period where Henrik Lundqvist, the King, made a couple of good saves, an Atlanta attack was cleared to Sean Avery outside the New York defensive zone who then crossed to Ryan Callahan cross ice through the neutral zone on a rush. Callahan skated 2 on 1 with Shanahan but decided to shoot himself & unleashed an absolute beauty of a wrister, far post against Lehtonen & put the Rangers up 4-0. Let it be said that I believe Ryan Callahan is going to be a stud in the future & that the Rangers, I believe, have finally found themselves a young forward who can not only throw his weight around but chip in regularly on the offensive end as well.

Ryan Callahan joins the growing list of Tim Tebow challengers

As evidence of the above statement, Ryan Callahan found himself spending some time on the 2nd power play unit later on in the period. After an exchange of penalties & power plays, the Rangers 2nd powerplay unit was in action & Sean Avery again did really good work stopping an attempted clearance just outside the Thrashers blueline & skated in. Avery then dropped a pass back to Michal Rozsival back to the point who on this night, like every other Ranger, was playing with so much confidence, let a blast form the point go. 5-0, Rangers & the rout was truly & well on. Initially it looked like Rosy had scored the powerplay goal but it was in fact, Ryan Callahan doing his laudable work, showing his hockey smarts & working to the front of the net who came up with the deflection to put it past Let-one-in. Cue MSG delirium & looks of shock & awe on Hartley & his Thrashers.

Ryan Callahan (#43) gets knighted by Paul Mara & Brendan Shanahan (left)

The remainder of the 2nd was played out much like the rest of the period with the Rangers, not content to sit back with a 5-0 lead, continuing to forecheck & harass the Thrashers. The 2nd ended with some chippiness, some recipes & phone numbers exchanged, dinner reservations & bah mitvahs planned & oh by the way a few choice expletives & dirty language may or may not have been used. The jury is still out.

The 3rd period saw more of the same from the 1st two with hitting & some open play flowing from end to end, albeit with the ice seemingly tilted in the Rangers’ favor. The Thrashers seemed to have a glint of hope when Jed “Stone Hands Captain” Ortmeyer was sent to the box for tripping at 2:44 of the 3rd but barely one minute into the powerplay a double hit near the Rangers bench on Atlanta’s scorer & star, Ilya Kovalchuk finished off by Mr. Shiznit himself, Sean Avery, caused the Russian star to let his frustration get the best of him. After the puck was dumped into the Rangers zone, Ilya skated straight for Avery & it was just a matter of exchanging Pokémon cards & Kovalchuk & Avery were scrapping in a way that only playoff hockey intensity can cause. Cue subdued bedlam on the ice. Several players, including Keith “My Last Name Sounds Like The Sound A Flat Tire Makes” Tkachuk, Paul Mara for the Rangers & Eric Belanger for the Thrashers & of course, His Peskiness, Sean Avery all receiving misconducts & spending either ample time in the box or being able to visit the showers for an early bath.

Sean Avery taking a punch... and negating an Atlanta powerplay

Following that little skirmish, a period of more occasional end to end play occurred but as before, the Rangers had the bulk of the play carried in their favor. That led up to an incident where Ryan Callahan, who doing his best impersonation of Sean Avery drew a penalty by being a pest driving through the neutral zone caused a powerplay for the Rangers. Just seconds into the man advantage, the Rangers were up 6-0. Matt Cullen on a simple up ice rush into the zone just flicked it wide to Brendan Shanahan. Shanahan then showed why sometimes the simple option is the best- SHOOT THE DAMN PUCK. Shanahan just flip a wrister, albeit a hard one towards the net. The shot deflects off Shane Hnidy & past Lehtonen. 6-0, MSG explodes again, Thrasher heads drop, songbirds burst into song, golden rays of sunshine break through clouds, long forgotten girlfriends call you on the phone & that baseball card once misplaced happens to turn up & all is right with the world…

But the joy didn’t stop there! Cue more of the same- the Rangers skating with energy & purpose & forcing the Atlanta Thrashers into panicky play. Yes, the Thrashers got the odd chance here & there but all in all, the Rangers continued to take the bulk of the game to Atlanta & by far limited the Thrashers’ chances to outside shots & the sometimes hoped for rebound put back, of which on this night, always seemed to bounce in the Rangers’ favor & away from an Atlanta forward and/or to a Rangers defensemen or the sideboards.

An episode of mention during this period was a quasi-ruckus started by Atlanta tough guy, Eric Boulton looking to take out his & his teammates’ frustration on the Rangers and/or cuddly puppies, failed to get strongman Colton Orr to fall into a fight but instead got himself & Michal Rozsival sent to the box for crosschecking Rosy & Rosy retaliating for the heinous act.

About 4.5 to 5 oz. of a Budweiser Select after that (approx. 2 minutes to the lay person), the Rangers found themselves on another powerplay. Atlanta forward Slava Kozlov was penalized for elbowing after a moment of madness where he mistakenly thought he was Claude Lemieux & Petr Prucha was Kris Draper.With youngster Ryan Callahan & top line center, Michael Nylander both sitting on hat tricks, the accolade fell to Michael Nylander on the Rangers powerplay. Again off a simple offensive zone entry rush, Michael Nylander skated over the blueline, dumped it right to Jaromir Jagr who took a step, fed the puck to Michal Rozsival who skated up, looked to shot with Atlanta expecting that very play but then passed out to the right circle back to Nylander who let a crisp shot go, that hit Lehtonen & trickled over the goal line for an incredible 7-0 margin.

Nylander skates through a hat-trick wasteland

The game had long been decided, however, the Rangers of new impressively continued to skate, hustle & generally outwork Atlanta for the entire game. Enough can not be said about the top line of Hossa, Nylander & Jagr’s play. They at times tonight toyed with Atlanta looking at one point to be putting on a trick skating clinic. AND1 on ice, if you will. Also, kudos, accolades, blue ribbons, gold stars & general rounds of applause also go out to Ryan Callahan & Sean Avery who pestered, harried & were bothers to the Thrashers all night long, getting the Thrashers out of their game & being psyched out mentally all night long. You can see with each game that Ryan Callahan is playing & skating with more & more confidence. It’s fun to watch.

In conclusion, the Rangers performance tonight was about as dominant performance as a team has given that I’ve seen in a long time. Yes, there were moments were it looked like Atlanta may score & grab some momentum but honestly, there have been very few, if any, truly perfect games ever played in sports but at times tonight the Rangers truly looked “great.” They need to build on this win tonight, take the confidence & determination & carry it over not only the rest of the series with the Thrashers but hopefully not only beyond but far beyond!

Quick turnaround for the Rangers as they look to wrap up the series with Atlanta tomorrow night. Hopefully it’ll be 4 & done & they can take a few days off to rest up any wounds & injuries they may have. Blair Betts seemed to be hurting with a hand injury, as did Marcel Hossa look to be gimpy with a knee knock. Here’s to them both being able to play 100%.

In my opinion, same lineup, why change now? Raise the anchor, hoist the main sail, steady as she goes… the Rangers Pirate Bandwagon continues to roll, er (arr!) sail on!...

Colton Orr shows The Trashers the meaning of "respect"

(thanks, Toby from OTG for publishing my article!)

http://www.outsidethegarden.com/articles/otg/2007/4/17.asp?column=otg&month=4&day=17&year=2007

Which One Is Which?

I can't tell whom is who?! Both have boyish good looks, hynoptizing goofy smile, both believe in Xenu (or maybe only one, but who really cares?)

Which one is Tom Edwards and which one is John Cruise?

Tom Edwards or John Cruise?

John Cruise or Tom Edwards?

If Tom Edwards can tap into the women-who-voted-for-Clinton-b/c-they-thought-he-was-good-looking demographic, Tom Edwards can maybe upset both Hillary Obama & Barack Clinton to win the '08 Presidency

Sean Avery Facts, Edition #1

1. The sound of thunder is created when Sean Avery checks another player

2. 3 out of 4 dentists agree that Sean Avery would knock your teeth out, the 4th dentist is just a Devils fan, so he's stupid anyway

3. Sean Avery has slept with every woman in the world & most of them on Mars, Jupiter & Neptune

4. Sean Avery holds the vast majority of the NHL scoring records as "Wayne Gretzky" is a pen name of Sean Avery

5. Sean Avery is listed as a WMD by the United Nations

6. Sean Avery will hunt down & punch in the face anyone who dares say "this list of Sean Avery facts on this Chuckles' blog is just a ripoff of Chuck Norris bit"

7. Sean Avery is Chuck Norris' daddy

8. Sean Avery taught both Bruce Lee & Chuck Norris karate

9. Things that are afraid of Sean Avery- Death, Fear, Hurt, Pain & Dudes with girlfriends

10. Tim Tebow is a false god masquearading as having the powers of Sean Avery

11. Sean Avery invented the Internet & kicked Al Gore's ass for claiming that he had.

12. There was no atomic bomb detonated at Hiroshima, it was just Sean Avery throwing a bodycheck into the Japanese city that casued it to incinerate

13. U.S. Attorney positions exist at the whim of Sean Avery

14. The Great Wall of China was built in a feeble attempt to keep out Sean Avery

15. Heavier than air travel doesn't actually exist, things "fly" b/c Sean Avery throws them

16. Sean Avery single-handedly won World War I

17. You wouldn't like Sean Avery when he's angry

18. E = Sean Avery

19. Sean Avery invented the number 16

20. On the 16th day, God created Sean Avery

Arsenal Beats Bolton 2-1... Cesc Scores!... Other Scores

It's about God damn time, Cesc! Only took 3.5 bazillion shots but Cesc Fabregas' goal on saturday against Bolton was the winner for Arsenal as they took all 3 points from Bolton Wanderers, 2-1.

Didn't see the game, only the highlights but Bolton scored the 1st goal of the match after some pretty stank defending from Arsenal but Arsenal countered with 2 goals from Rosicky, who snuck in past a Bolton defender who thought he had more time than he actually did & Cesc's winner just after halftime.

So, Arsenal puts a 5 point gap over Bolton in the Race for 4th place & the last Champions' League qualifying spot with only a few matches left.

Now, Cesc Fabregas challenges Tim Tebow as well

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Ajax Amsterdam won their match on friday against NAC Breda 2-0 to keep the pressure on PSV for the Eredivisie crown. Goals were from a Kenneth Perez penalty & Ryan Babel.

Kenneth Perez... He's no Sean Avery

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AC Milan for the 2nd sunday in a row ran out 3-1 winners over their opponents, this week being Sardinian side, Messina. Milan's goals were scored by Kaká, Giuseppe Favalli, and tubby Ronaldo who now has 5 goals in 10 Serie A matches for the Red Devils. Stefano Masiello scored the consolation goal for Messina. Milan creeps up into 4th despite the 8 pt. penalty incurred at the start of the season b/c of the recent Serie A match-fixing scandal.

Ronaldo showing the length to which he'll grow his newfound hair

The New York Averys Go Up 2-0 On Atlanta With 2-1 Win

Let it be said that the Atlanta Thrashers have certainly come out & played tough & looking to hit everything in sight in the 1st 2 games of the 1st round playoffs with the New York Ranger-Averys. You know a team has desire when top scorers such as Ilya Kovalchuk has 3 big hits within the timeframe of a single period. But for all their desire & determination the Rangers have impressively played with oodles more of composure than would be expected with their younger guys on this year's roster, especially the d-men. Indeed, this is not the Rangers from 1998-2004.

The Rangers won their 1st game in Atlanta 4-3 on thursday with Atlanta really putting the pressure on in the last several minutes of the game. Atlanta & everything and even looked to be getting the elbows up a little in some of their checks butcame out jacked up, hitting anything hey... it's playoff time, baby. Time to be a man & take some overhitting in stride & keep playing your game. Which, the Rangers thankfully did although as stated before were under intense pressure from Atlanta in the last several minutes, but again, I was impressed that the youngins didn't buckle under the pressure although I was a mite bit disappointed at how the Rangers big hitters looked to be pushed around a tad bit but I was informed by the demigod himself, Steve Avery, that it was all a ruse to lure the Thrashers into a trap. Good work, your highness!

Kari Lehtonen looks to the skies for a swooping Averydactyl attack.

Saturday's game was much of the same but with fewer goals but the Rangers scoring was started off by, of course, the man, the myth, the ever-growing legend, the Archduke of Antigonization, Steve Avery. Is there nothing he can't do? Probably cure cancer but he told me in a secret memo, it's only b/c he doesn't care enough about mankind to cure the disease. He'd rather bang some hot broads. Who can fault that? I mean free will after all, right? Let the missionary work be left to Tim Tebow, who could only ever hope to be as godlike as Steve Avery.

Even Marcel Hossa throws down a challenge to Tim Tebow

Of course the game winner was set up by my liege as well cleverly doing a quick shot fake & then dishing to Shanahan for the gamewinner. No doubt, that Elisha was ravaged in a marathon lovemaking session after the game by Heir Avery.

So the Rangers are 2-0 up heading back to MSG & the ghosts of last year's playoff demons are already exorcised regardless of the outcome of the series with Atlanta. Strange days indeed! Most peculiar, momma!

New York Averys celebrate after their win on saturday putting them up 2-0 in their 1st round series with the Atlanta Thrashers

What The F#ck? Issue 1

Welcome to the 1st edition of something I call "What The F#ck?" This will cover the wide range of What The F#ck? out there in the world, ranging from ridiculous to ricockulous, stupid to stupider, and just downright What The F#ck?ery...

1.) 1st up, a What The F#ck? that will make you question someone's sanity- Keith Richards snorts his dad's ashes along with his cocaine. What The F#ck? "Oh, he was just kidding about that." Yeah, right. Like a rock star never snorted his dad's ashes before. Please, who are these people trying to fool? He probably also made a shepherd's pie out of his mum's afterbirth. Mmmmm, delish!

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

Yes, Keith, you're still alive b/c God looks after children & fools. Seriously, snorting dad's ashes? What The F#ck?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070403/ap_en_ce/people_keith_richards

Keith Richards? Or the mummy of Pharoah Snortsdad IV?

2.) What The F#ck?, confused style. I've often heard the people who are pro-Palestine & "Peace in the Middle East" peeps talking about things such as "if the Palestinians were given their own state, terrorism would go away." What The F#ck? As I always ask, "what does Chechnya have to do with Palestine? What do the Phillipines have to do with Palestine? What does Indonesia have to do with Palestine? What does Darfur have to do with Palestine? What does Somalia have to do with Palestine? What does Thailand have to do with Palestine? What does Nigeria have to do with Palestine?" All these places have Muslim "insurgencies," some of which can be traced to links to Al-Qaeda both formally (Somalia, Sudan) & informally (Phillipines, Indonesia). Now we can add Algeria to this list. So, now I ask, What The F#ck? does Algeria have to do with Palestine?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070411/ap_on_re_af/algeria_explosion

Bomb attack attributed to "Al Qaeda's new wing in North Africa." What The F#ck?

Shoppers at the Algiers Wal-Mart stock up on concrete shards during a last minute rubble sale.

3.) 3rd up, What The F#ck?ery of an irritating kind. PBS pulls plug on a documentary showing the plight of moderate & reformist practioners of Islam vs. the radical fundamentalists of Islam. What The F#ck? If King Bush & the gubment really did control the media, why would they pull the plug on a documentary that would indoctrinate Americans to enlist & die for oil, I mean, educate Americans to the schism of practioners of Islam? What The F#ck? PBS?

http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/?entry=25084_PBS_Suppresses_Documentary_on_Radical_Islam&only

No picture b/c PBS removed it on "political grounds"

4.) What The F#ck of the stupified variety. Iran gets re-elected to the UN Disarmament Commission. What The F#ck? Boy, just nice timing for Iran as they just celebrated National Nuclear Day or whatever the hell they called it the other day. Even if Iran's nuclear program is for "energy," (ed. note, energy is released when an atomic bomb detonates, so technically Iran might be lying with the truth with their intentions of nuclear reasearch) why aren't the environmentalists all up in arms about Iran's future radioactive waste... What The F#ck?

On April 9, 2007 there was a United Nations believe-it-or-not moment extraordinaire. At the same time that Iran’s President Ahmadinejad declared his country was now capable of industrial-scale uranium enrichment, the U.N. reelected Iran as a vice chairman of the U.N. Disarmament Commission.

Yes Ripley, the very U.N. body charged with promoting nuclear nonproliferation installed in a senior position the state that the Security Council recently declared violated its nonproliferation resolutions.

So in Iran at the Natanz nuclear facility Ahmadinejad gloated: “With great pride, I announce as of today our dear country is among the countries of the world that produces nuclear fuel on an industrial scale.” And in New York, courtesy of his U.N. platform, Iranian Disarmament Vice-Chairman Seyed Mohammad Ali Robatjazi railed against “noncompliance with the NPT [nuclear nonproliferation treaty] by the United States” and “the Zionist lobby.”

It took the U.N. a mere five days to rehabilitate Iran after the British kidnap victims made it home alive. Just the night before on April 8, Faye Turney, the only female victim, revealed her Iranian abductors stripped her to her underwear, caged her in a tiny, freezing cell, and subjected her to mental torture such as leading her to believe that her death was imminent.

But while this was actually happening to Faye Turney, Ambassador Luis Alfonso de Alba of Mexico, the president of the U.N.’s lead human-rights body — the U.N. Human Rights Council — was making this announcement, March 26, 2006:

I would like to make the following statement adopted by the Council. One,...the Human Rights Council has in closed meetings examined the human rights situation in...the Islamic Republic of Iran...Two, the Human Rights Council has decided to discontinue the consideration of the human rights situation in the Islamic Republic of Iran...Three,...members of the Human Rights Council should make no reference in the public debate to the confidential decisions and material concerning [the Islamic Republic of Iran]...

This is not simply a very bad joke. The U.N. is feted by many as the go-to address for international progress in the world today. Congressman Tom Lantos, chairman of the House Committee on Foreign Affairs, declared at a hearing on U.N. reform in February that “the U.N. provides vital support to core U.S. foreign-policy initiatives” including on Iran and the way forward is to “ratchet up our level of diplomacy there.”

http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/?entry=25091_Iran_and_Syria_Lead_UN_Disarmament_Commission&only

No picture b/c Iran & Syria disarmed me... Dougge!

5.) This one... I don't know whether to laugh, cry, punch myself in the nards or go break a beer bottle in outrage... or just stunned disbelief. "Iranians too my iPod," waaah waaah waaah. British sailor Arthur Batchelor (who also cried in captivity), the youngest of the British navy personnel taken captive by Iran bemoans the fact that they stole his... his... iPod. Seriously... What The F#ck? How much of a whiny, fricking wuss are you, Mr. Batchelor? That's just fricking pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Here's a suggestion, Arthur, why don't you be a man & not whine over a piece of electronic equipment that you lost after 16 days of captivity. What The F#ck? Are men now so emasculated that they moan over the iPods getting stolen by other countries' military? Another suggestion, Arthur, I think you'll definitely like this one. Instead of driving lessons, why don't you take the money you made off of selling your story to the British press and go buy a NEW f#cking iPod. You puss. What The Fuck? Mr. Bean?

Royal Navy able seaman Arthur Batchelor, 20, said the suits they were given were "tacky", the CDs and DVDs do not work and there was no sign of his iPod portable media player, worth £160

I don't recall the Americans taken hostage at the US embassy in Tehran who were held for 444 days in 1979 to 1980, receiving gift bags even if they were filled with mostly useless junk at the end of their ordeal, you sniveling twit.

"They're a bit pathetic," Batchelor told the Daily Mirror newspaper of the gifts.

"I don't know what they're trying to prove by giving us books on morality and their religion. My morals are fine, thank you very much.

"And those suits were an insult. Not only did mine not fit, but it was cheap and tacky and the Hugo Boss shirt was a fake. I could pick up a better outfit at a jumble sale."

http://www.news24.com/News24?World?News?0,9294,2-10-1462_2095827,00.html

Seriously, Arthur Batchelor, What The F#ck?

Arthur Batchelor... he REALLY liked his iPod...

6.) This one is a hopeful What The F#ck? Da Hardestcore Gangsta Of Dem All, Notorious OBL from the Sa-udside is rumored to have died of typhoid in Pakistan earlier this month according to intelligence given to Saudi Arabia. What The F#ck? I hope this is true but I trust the Saudis about as much as I trusted Wild Thing Mitch Williams to close a game for the Cubs back in the day... which was to say I didn't/don't trust at all. But I'll still give a hopeful What The F#ck? shutout to OBL's death.

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/index.php?menuID=2&subID=942

Osama Bin Laden tells Pakistani interrogators how many times he's died

7.) Finally, one that just speaks for itself. A humourous form of What The F#ck? It just says, What The F#ck? Jose Mourinho, reigning back to back English Premier League champion manager of Chelsea, UEFA Champions' League winning manager with FC Porto... and now, Jose Mourinho, Lord of the Dance! What The F#ck?

Dança, Jose! Dança! Ay yai yai yai yai yai yai!!!

Again, When A Democrat Does The Same Thing, It's A-Ok

President Clinton & Attorney General Janet Reno fired all 93 US Attorneys when they got into office for partisan purposes & that was ok. Which I'm actually saying it is, b/c it's their right under law to have done so.

But when current President Bush & Attorney General Alberto Gonzales do it, well, again it's "proof" that the Republicans are corrupt & only want attorneys in there for partisan purposes, i.e. having Conservative attorneys. Uhhhhhh, no shit. That's their right to do so but again, not only do rules only apply to Republicans but they can't even exercise their prerogitives or rights allowed their office positions w/o creating a "scandal."

Not to mention the 8 US Attorneys that were fired were supposed to be investigating alledged Democrat voter fraud & rigging of polling places & voter suppresion in certain voting ditsricts around the country. A fact curiously swept aside by the media. But again, like everything else only Democrats get to be partisan.

So, let's review, Republican President & Attoerney General fire 8 US Attorneys over dragging their feet on investigating allegations of Democrat voter fraud; it's a scandal. Democrat President & Attorney General fire ALL 93 US Attorneys; it's a-ok. We all know those 93 attorneys leftover from President George H. W. Bush were busy engaging & perpetrating lawsuits to lock up minorities & poor people & also helping big corporations & mean CEOs make tons of money anyway. So they deserved it! Yeah right on!... Right?

I'm not saying that all Republicans or Democrats are saints, I'm not even saying that all Democrats or Republicans are corrupt, all I'm saying is call it the SAME for both parties. If it's a scandal for one party it should be a scandal for the other, period!

Maybe Clinton fired 93 b/c it was 1993 & Bush is an idiot b/c he fired 8 instead of 7 in 2007?

On A Lighter Note... Lucky Bastard & Other Drivel

Some dude in England gets married to a chick he randomly texted after dreaming about her number:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070409/od_nm/britain_text_dc

Kudos, to you, Sir. At least some of us are finding some love in the world!

Also, am I the only one who thinks Joakim Noah & that androgynous wimp from American Idol, Sanjaya, look alike? They perhaps even could be the same girl. You decide:

Joakim Noah

Sanjaya Malakar

Which, of course means, that if Sanjaya wins American Idol this year, it'll be further proof of the University of Florida conspiracy to win everything:

1. 2005-2006 NCAA D-1 Basketball National Championship

2. 2006 NCAA BCS National Championship

3. Emmitt Smith winning Dancing With The Stars

4. 2006-2007 NCAA D-1 Basketball National Championship

5. Sanjaya Malakar winning American Idol

Developing story...

Who's Usurping Power Again?

It boggles my mind that people in this country will harp all the live-long day about how President Bush stole both elections (neither of which has been proven) & how he's consolidating executive power to create this supposed fascist dictatorship... but then nobody bats an eye when Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi makes an unauthorized trip to a nation, Syria, which is still listed as hostile to the US & which we don't have formal diplomatic ties to.

Aside from the fact that Pelosi went to Syria to kiss the ass of a leader who still is alledged to have ordered an assination of Lebanon's Prime Minisiter, what infuriates me about this incident is this- As an unauthorized diplomatic visitor to Syria, Pelosi was technically visiting as a private citizen but you can guarandamntee, taxpayers paid for the unauthorized junket. Which is also nothing to say about the usurpation of power & flaunting of diplomatic & governmental rules & practices broken by her unauthorized visit. In another time, she would have been charged with treason.

Now, I just read an article Pelosi is planning the same kind of trip to Iran... which I'm pretty willing to bet also won't be authorized by President Bush either. But I keep forgetting, rules only apply to Republicans & Conservatives. Pelosi breaks rules, no big deal, free pass. DeLay breaks rules, Libby gets indicted for perjury (but the "crime" he was charged with not only not being a crime, but the incident it caused, no charge of it was brought against Libby) it's "proof" of Republican nefariousness. President Clinton gets charged with perjury about an incident which could be charged as a crime (sexual harassment, anyone?) & he gets to wear that perjury charge as, in his own words, "a badge of honor" as proof of in his husband's words, "a vast right-wing conspiracy."

Let us also not forget as soon as Pelosi began as SPeaker of the House her asking at taxpayer's expense for a large jet similar to Air Force One for her to fly back & forth to her district. What, private leer jets & 1st calss air travel isn't good enough? Heaven forbid you have to co-habitate with the plebes on an airline. You can guarantee if it was a Republican who did it, "corruption" & "cronyism" accusations would be thrown around like a little person at a dwarf tossing contest.

Hail to the Chieftess!

Derka, Derka, President Pelosi

Arsenal Fails To Score Yet Again

It's been hectic trying to keep up with regular posts between Arsenal, the Rangers run to get into the NHL playoffs & appeasing the voices in my head with Left bashing drivel but Arsenal failed to score against West Ham United on saturday in a 1-0 loss & again, today against Newcastle United in a 0-0 draw... The last time Arsenal scored, it was 1675 & Ronald Reagan was president of the US, bread cost 2 cents & the #1 hit was Fear of Dissentary (Save The Colony) by Crownie King & The Cholera Bringers.

Anyway, Arsenal remains in 4th b/c Bolton & Everton drew 1-1 so Bolton remains 2 pts. behind & Arsenal also has a match in hand as well but at this rate Arsenal may fall to 4,534th place in the EPL & thus qualify for the ECL through the backdoor Euroweenie Middle East Appeaser clause instituted by FIFA this year, b/c of the high number of Frenchman in Arsenal's squad.

The ever-growing French Connection of the EPL has already surfaced in British military tactics with the recent cowering to Iran taking 16 British sailors hostage alledgedly in Iranian waters (Britain alledges in Iraqi waters) in an act of war but the sailors never fired a shot & were then paraded around on tv during their capitivity in direct violations of the Geneva Convention but as we all know the Geneva Convention only exists to levy charges against US Conservative-led administrations & their military actions.

Don't give up, Thierry! You're not in the British navy!

UPSET!: Pelosi Pips Rodham Clinton To Become 1st US Woman President

Stop the presses. In one of the most unexpected upsets of all-time, Nancy Pelosi has beaten Hillary Rodham Clinton to being the 1st woman president of the US in history. President Pelosi marked her shocking victory by taking a "diplomatic" trip to Syria to meet with some Syrian leader who probably beats his wives.

President Pelosi used the trip to make a marked turnaround of US foreign policy towards Syria which had previously been shunned by the former Bush Administration & opened "diplomatic" dialogue with Syria. The US had previously declined diplomatic relations with Syria under the Bush Administration b/c of Syria's alledged backing of Hamas, which as everybody knows is a fast food chain that only serves food to beautiful, angelic children who do nothing but laugh & fill their parents' lives with joy & wonderment. In a surprising turn of events however, the US has turned 180 degrees with Syria with President Pelosi now calling the shots.

President Pelosi was quoted as saying, "I'm so glad to have this opportunity to mend wounds & heal the burned bridges of our relations on Syria. It's time we forget the sins of the present past done to us & to move forward facing backwards with appeasement & cowardice. I want to thank Babar Al Ibn Wathufuq of Syria for his most gracious & welcoming dialogue with the myself & the US... Eat me, Hillary. I won, you lose. You are pwn3d!"

Senator Clinton could not be reached for comment as she was off on a junket to Oakland learning hip hop lingo so as to continue the Clinton legacy of being the 1st Black President(s) & being able to relate to black people, but her spokesperson later released a statement saying, "You can guarantee Queen Hillary has Pelosi squarely in her sights now. The 1st reign of a woman president of the United States of America was ordained by none other than the all powerful Creator himself. Mrs. Pelosi has gone against the will of the people, the nation, black people, indeed Creation itself. The hounds of Hell are being prepped, it's almost time to hunt. This is war."

President Pelosi... on the lookout for Hell Hounds... and black people.

Nancy Pelosi Promises Sharia In America

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has promised to bring sharia law to the United States after meeting with the President of Dherksyria, Dikhed Al-Fuqwad on tuesday. The move comes in an effort by Democrats' to combat what they claim is "the President's domestic spying program." The program has been in effect for several months under the authority of the National Information & Terrorist Watch International Team, commonly referred to as NITWIT. NITWIT's program has been increasingly unpopular & coming under increasing scrutiny ever since the executive order to begin phone & wiretaps domestically in hopes of catching terrorist sleeper cells that may be operating within the country.

"I feel that wearing this introductory burqa kit is a good show of solidarity with Middle Eastern culture & to show that we Americans can apologize & kowtow to any country that may have been offended by President Bush's aggresive foreign policy in this region. We hope to bring a much stricter dress code to American women b/c after all, America isn't about being free anymore, it's about pleasing boisterous minority groups, especially those of darker skin ethnicities that may or may not wish to harm us & to corner the market on those voting blocs as they assimilate into the American political process so that oligarchs like myself can continue to be in power & run the country into the ground," Pelosi was quoted as saying. "George Bush may not like black people but we in the Democratic party certainly do, especially when they're under us. We'll also soon like Muslims. Whatever gets us elected."

"Also, by wearing burqas no American can easily be indentified who they are when they leave their homes. So King Bush will have to come up with something new to spy on Americans."

"Mrs. Pelosi, makes me want to go boom-boom sexytime in burqa," commented Al-Fuqwad. "Soon all your females are belong to us America. Time we can not wait for to beat, rape & surgery perform things as cliteroctomies so as subservient make women which is Shariah way."

With that, Mrs. Pelosi finished with, "Don't worry. We've been assured that me & Mrs. Clinton will be spared. In fact, we'll be having sex change operations to become men to helpe enslave, I mean, to help the cultural transition to 2nd class citizens under Sharia. Fear not ladies! No more wasting money on clothes or worrying what shoes to wear with an outfit!"

A salaam alaikum, Mrs. Pelosi!

Peter Crouch's Sudden Skill Has Become Annoying

WTF?! Peter Fucking Crouch goes off for a hat trick for Liverpool over the weekend against Arsenal?! Liverpool won the match, 4-1. One of his goals was a well taken goal where he deked Toure?! For fuck's sake, what's gotten into Bambi-On-Ice since the World Cup? Bicyclekick goals, high levels of skill & ball control... all from a former gawky & spastic-looking, sometimes ridiculously so, soccer player... I tell ya, the end is truly near...

Peter Crouch was all smiles after bagging a hat-trick against Arsenal

I Have A Sean Avery Man-Crush

Holy crapballs, I like Sean Avery of the New York Rangers. A lot. I mean I don't like Sean Avery but I like him in a strictly admirable, totally platonic, gosh darnit I wish I was him kind of way.

I like the fact that everybody else in the league hates him. I like the fact that he's an abbrasive, trash talking shit starter. I like the fact that he's listed at 5-10 185 but plays & hits players like he's 6-2 220. I like the fact that he hits anything that moves & chips in goals too. I like the fact that he's resparked the Rangers' playoffs hopes & thus they are only 2 points away from clinching a spot with 3 games remaining. I like the fact that Sean Avery is a lucky bastard who has bedded Elisha Cuthbert.

In short... I have a man-crush on Sean Avery, #16 of the New York Rangers... so much so, I actually recently ordered a Rangers jersey with his name & number on it...

His stellar perfomance last night in a 7-2 rout of da Maple Leafs (you are the wurst kind of leafs on earth!) was a perfect example of why you love him if he's on your team & absolutely HATE him if he's not. He scored 2 goals, chipped in with an assist & won a fight with Darcy Tucker & generally hit everything that came within a 3 ft. radius of him including a basset hound that got loose in the 2nd intermission & some annoying brat that was on a sugar buzz & who needed to be put in timeout anyway. Rumor has it that he also cured smallpox after the game by slamming it into the boards.

Avery Pwning Darcy Tucker...Pinned! Winnah, winnah, chicken dinnah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEhszblLOhg

And as it was in the beginning & forever more- hot babes dig badasses

Hey, Sean, what do you say to all the haters?

Well played, sir!