Wednesday, April 11, 2007

What The F#ck? Issue 1

Welcome to the 1st edition of something I call "What The F#ck?" This will cover the wide range of What The F#ck? out there in the world, ranging from ridiculous to ricockulous, stupid to stupider, and just downright What The F#ck?ery...

1.) 1st up, a What The F#ck? that will make you question someone's sanity- Keith Richards snorts his dad's ashes along with his cocaine. What The F#ck? "Oh, he was just kidding about that." Yeah, right. Like a rock star never snorted his dad's ashes before. Please, who are these people trying to fool? He probably also made a shepherd's pie out of his mum's afterbirth. Mmmmm, delish!

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

Yes, Keith, you're still alive b/c God looks after children & fools. Seriously, snorting dad's ashes? What The F#ck?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070403/ap_en_ce/people_keith_richards

Keith Richards? Or the mummy of Pharoah Snortsdad IV?


2.) What The F#ck?, confused style. I've often heard the people who are pro-Palestine & "Peace in the Middle East" peeps talking about things such as "if the Palestinians were given their own state, terrorism would go away." What The F#ck? As I always ask, "what does Chechnya have to do with Palestine? What do the Phillipines have to do with Palestine? What does Indonesia have to do with Palestine? What does Darfur have to do with Palestine? What does Somalia have to do with Palestine? What does Thailand have to do with Palestine? What does Nigeria have to do with Palestine?" All these places have Muslim "insurgencies," some of which can be traced to links to Al-Qaeda both formally (Somalia, Sudan) & informally (Phillipines, Indonesia). Now we can add Algeria to this list. So, now I ask, What The F#ck? does Algeria have to do with Palestine?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070411/ap_on_re_af/algeria_explosion

Bomb attack attributed to "Al Qaeda's new wing in North Africa." What The F#ck?

Shoppers at the Algiers Wal-Mart stock up on concrete shards during a last minute rubble sale.


3.) 3rd up, What The F#ck?ery of an irritating kind. PBS pulls plug on a documentary showing the plight of moderate & reformist practioners of Islam vs. the radical fundamentalists of Islam. What The F#ck? If King Bush & the gubment really did control the media, why would they pull the plug on a documentary that would indoctrinate Americans to enlist & die for oil, I mean, educate Americans to the schism of practioners of Islam? What The F#ck? PBS?

http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/?entry=25084_PBS_Suppresses_Documentary_on_Radical_Islam&only

No picture b/c PBS removed it on "political grounds"


4.) What The F#ck of the stupified variety. Iran gets re-elected to the UN Disarmament Commission. What The F#ck? Boy, just nice timing for Iran as they just celebrated National Nuclear Day or whatever the hell they called it the other day. Even if Iran's nuclear program is for "energy," (ed. note, energy is released when an atomic bomb detonates, so technically Iran might be lying with the truth with their intentions of nuclear reasearch) why aren't the environmentalists all up in arms about Iran's future radioactive waste... What The F#ck?

On April 9, 2007 there was a United Nations believe-it-or-not moment extraordinaire. At the same time that Iran’s President Ahmadinejad declared his country was now capable of industrial-scale uranium enrichment, the U.N. reelected Iran as a vice chairman of the U.N. Disarmament Commission.

Yes Ripley, the very U.N. body charged with promoting nuclear nonproliferation installed in a senior position the state that the Security Council recently declared violated its nonproliferation resolutions.

So in Iran at the Natanz nuclear facility Ahmadinejad gloated: “With great pride, I announce as of today our dear country is among the countries of the world that produces nuclear fuel on an industrial scale.” And in New York, courtesy of his U.N. platform, Iranian Disarmament Vice-Chairman Seyed Mohammad Ali Robatjazi railed against “noncompliance with the NPT [nuclear nonproliferation treaty] by the United States” and “the Zionist lobby.”

It took the U.N. a mere five days to rehabilitate Iran after the British kidnap victims made it home alive. Just the night before on April 8, Faye Turney, the only female victim, revealed her Iranian abductors stripped her to her underwear, caged her in a tiny, freezing cell, and subjected her to mental torture such as leading her to believe that her death was imminent.

But while this was actually happening to Faye Turney, Ambassador Luis Alfonso de Alba of Mexico, the president of the U.N.’s lead human-rights body — the U.N. Human Rights Council — was making this announcement, March 26, 2006:

I would like to make the following statement adopted by the Council. One,...the Human Rights Council has in closed meetings examined the human rights situation in...the Islamic Republic of Iran...Two, the Human Rights Council has decided to discontinue the consideration of the human rights situation in the Islamic Republic of Iran...Three,...members of the Human Rights Council should make no reference in the public debate to the confidential decisions and material concerning [the Islamic Republic of Iran]...
This is not simply a very bad joke. The U.N. is feted by many as the go-to address for international progress in the world today. Congressman Tom Lantos, chairman of the House Committee on Foreign Affairs, declared at a hearing on U.N. reform in February that “the U.N. provides vital support to core U.S. foreign-policy initiatives” including on Iran and the way forward is to “ratchet up our level of diplomacy there.”
http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/?entry=25091_Iran_and_Syria_Lead_UN_Disarmament_Commission&only

No picture b/c Iran & Syria disarmed me... Dougge!

5.) This one... I don't know whether to laugh, cry, punch myself in the nards or go break a beer bottle in outrage... or just stunned disbelief. "Iranians too my iPod," waaah waaah waaah. British sailor Arthur Batchelor (who also cried in captivity), the youngest of the British navy personnel taken captive by Iran bemoans the fact that they stole his... his... iPod. Seriously... What The F#ck? How much of a whiny, fricking wuss are you, Mr. Batchelor? That's just fricking pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Here's a suggestion, Arthur, why don't you be a man & not whine over a piece of electronic equipment that you lost after 16 days of captivity. What The F#ck? Are men now so emasculated that they moan over the iPods getting stolen by other countries' military? Another suggestion, Arthur, I think you'll definitely like this one. Instead of driving lessons, why don't you take the money you made off of selling your story to the British press and go buy a NEW f#cking iPod. You puss. What The Fuck? Mr. Bean?

Royal Navy able seaman Arthur Batchelor, 20, said the suits they were given were "tacky", the CDs and DVDs do not work and there was no sign of his iPod portable media player, worth £160
I don't recall the Americans taken hostage at the US embassy in Tehran who were held for 444 days in 1979 to 1980, receiving gift bags even if they were filled with mostly useless junk at the end of their ordeal, you sniveling twit.

"They're a bit pathetic," Batchelor told the Daily Mirror newspaper of the gifts.

"I don't know what they're trying to prove by giving us books on morality and their religion. My morals are fine, thank you very much.

"And those suits were an insult. Not only did mine not fit, but it was cheap and tacky and the Hugo Boss shirt was a fake. I could pick up a better outfit at a jumble sale."

Arthur Batchelor... he REALLY liked his iPod...


6.) This one is a hopeful What The F#ck? Da Hardestcore Gangsta Of Dem All, Notorious OBL from the Sa-udside is rumored to have died of typhoid in Pakistan earlier this month according to intelligence given to Saudi Arabia. What The F#ck? I hope this is true but I trust the Saudis about as much as I trusted Wild Thing Mitch Williams to close a game for the Cubs back in the day... which was to say I didn't/don't trust at all. But I'll still give a hopeful What The F#ck? shutout to OBL's death.

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/index.php?menuID=2&subID=942


Osama Bin Laden tells Pakistani interrogators how many times he's died


7.) Finally, one that just speaks for itself. A humourous form of What The F#ck? It just says, What The F#ck? Jose Mourinho, reigning back to back English Premier League champion manager of Chelsea, UEFA Champions' League winning manager with FC Porto... and now, Jose Mourinho, Lord of the Dance! What The F#ck?

Dança, Jose! Dança! Ay yai yai yai yai yai yai!!!

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